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Original poster

why does he do this

26 replies

girlmomma1 · 06/04/2025 22:24

my ex and I don't see eye to eye at the best of times for many different reasons however. we made the decision to spend the weekend for our daughters birthday last week which we haven't seen each other properly in a long time. this consisted of him spending the night at mine to wake up with DD on her birthday. help me with balloons etc. and then early the next morning we was going away for the night for DDs birthday. he got to mine. let me say he was there around 10/15 minutes and he couldn't stop touching me. I showed him DDs birthday cake and he would make comments like I want her mommas cake. I left him with DD to shower and put on my pjs. I was down not even 5 minutes and he was pulling me into him and cuddling me and DD and rubbing and massaging my shoulders. showing me affection and then started to kiss me. couldn't keep his hands of me. when DD went to bed showed intimacy and affection. continued this throughout the weekend pretty much. had family time had a really nice weekend other than one hiccup. a week has passed and now he doesn't want to know. wants me to communicate through the parent app. got a new phone did not want me to have his number of what I gathered. back to square one after such a lovely weekend.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 06/04/2025 22:30

Because you let him. He’s an ex. He can see his child. He shouldn’t be at yours when you’re in your PJs. Set some boundaries.

Original poster
girlmomma1 · 06/04/2025 22:32

@Wolfiefanhe was staying over as it was our daughters birthday.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 06/04/2025 22:33

No need for him to stay over. He sees her during the day when she’s awake.

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RandomMess · 06/04/2025 22:34

Because he wants sex with no other commitment.

Original poster
girlmomma1 · 06/04/2025 22:41

@RandomMess🥺

OP posts:
InSpainTheRain · 06/04/2025 22:53

Because he wants sex. You really need to set some boundaries.

Original poster
girlmomma1 · 06/04/2025 22:54

@InSpainTheRain just sex? No feelings just wants sex?

OP posts:
InSpainTheRain · 06/04/2025 23:19

girlmomma1 · 06/04/2025 22:54

@InSpainTheRain just sex? No feelings just wants sex?

Yes. If there were real feelings of love and affection it wouldn't just be when he's in your house. He would be trying to have a good relationship before sex, well before it.

Pigeonqueen · 06/04/2025 23:35

Wolfiefan · 06/04/2025 22:30

Because you let him. He’s an ex. He can see his child. He shouldn’t be at yours when you’re in your PJs. Set some boundaries.

This.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 06/04/2025 23:38

He was staying over so he knew there was a good chance of sex if he won you over with flattery and affection. Now you’re back apart he knows sex is off the table and so doesn’t want to put any effort into having to communicate with you. No doubt next time he wants sex he will start being nice again, then once he’s got what he wants he’ll be cold again. He’s just using you. It’s convenient to him that you share a DD when it means he may get sex but the rest of the time when sex isn’t a possibility having to co-parent with you is clearly inconvenient to him.

Original poster
girlmomma1 · 06/04/2025 23:42

@MolkosTeenageAngsti get this. the thought of him using me is not a nice feeling however when we are together it’s like he never left I’m the moment even just being close but as soon as he leaves it’s back to square one and he acts like I’m an enemy of his but when around me he can’t control himself around me when there is 109 reasons we he shouldn’t.

OP posts:
fraughtcouture · 07/04/2025 01:23

Why were you so passive in letting him touch you?! Or do you want him back and hoped being intimate would open the door to that? It reads like he initiated the break up and you want a relationship beyond co-parenting….

autisticbookworm · 07/04/2025 03:16

It’s for sex. Now there’s no possibility of sex he’s making no effort. Next year don’t do it.

yeesh · 07/04/2025 03:20

He’s using you. This must be very confusing for your daughter.

Anon765898 · 07/04/2025 03:27

As above, he wants sex snd you made it easy for him to get it…
It sounds like you want to get back together but I’m sorry he doesn’t.
The question you should be asking is not ‘Why does he do this’ but ‘WHY DO I LET HIM DO THIS’!

Wolfiefan · 07/04/2025 07:43

He wants sex.
You give him sex.
He doesn’t want anything else from you.

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/04/2025 08:02

He wants a shag! That’s all. Next time he wants one he’ll be nice again. Put in some boundaries please - for your own mental wellbeing.

Seeline · 07/04/2025 08:11

Don't let him stay again. There is absolutely no need.

If he cared, he would be friendly, and be in contact with you all the time, not just when he knows there's a chance of a shag.

Why is he an ex?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 07/04/2025 08:33

girlmomma1 · 06/04/2025 23:42

@MolkosTeenageAngsti get this. the thought of him using me is not a nice feeling however when we are together it’s like he never left I’m the moment even just being close but as soon as he leaves it’s back to square one and he acts like I’m an enemy of his but when around me he can’t control himself around me when there is 109 reasons we he shouldn’t.

He’s a grown man, of course he can control himself! He just doesn’t want to/ doesn’t have to because you are going along with it too. How sad is it that he was supposed to be there for your DD’s birthday and his main priority was sex, he wasn’t thinking about making the weekend lovely for her he was thinking about flirting so that you would have sex. This is not a man who really cares about either of you and it must be hugely confusing for your DD to see her parents together and then apart and playing happy families one minute and not speaking the next. Is this what you want her to think a normal relationship is? If you can’t stop letting him use you for sex for yourself at least do it for your DD, stop letting him in like this, stop believing he wants to be back together, if he wanted that he would do it. He is using you for sex. No doubt he is using other women for sex too inbetween. Have you had yourself tested for STDs?

fairgame84 · 07/04/2025 08:38

You're romanticising this in your head.
He absolutely can control himself around you. He is using you for sex and you're making it easy by convincing yourself there's more to it.
I had an ex like this, as soon as he realised sex wasn't an option he would sulk off home.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 07/04/2025 08:44

girlmomma1 · 06/04/2025 22:54

@InSpainTheRain just sex? No feelings just wants sex?

Yes. Just sex. Only sex.

Sorry OP @girlmomma1 I dont mean to hurt your feelings but honestly. You need to set some
boundaries. Yours are currently below the ground. Lift them up and enforce them.

No more stay overs. He can do the balloons with you the night before and then leave next time. No more “fake family time”.

You are interpreting his affection as a sign that he wants to get back with you. Maybe because that is what you want. He doesn’t though. He thought he was going to get a shag that night and he is now annoyed that he didnt.

He doesnt want what you want, I am sorry. Stay strong. The more you do, the easier it gets.

CagneyNYPD1 · 07/04/2025 09:58

fairgame84 · 07/04/2025 08:38

You're romanticising this in your head.
He absolutely can control himself around you. He is using you for sex and you're making it easy by convincing yourself there's more to it.
I had an ex like this, as soon as he realised sex wasn't an option he would sulk off home.

This. You’re hoping that there are feelings involved. He is hoping for a shag. Sorry to be so blunt but I think you need to hear it.

Original poster
girlmomma1 · 07/04/2025 10:13

Yes I agree with you all unfortunately he probably is trying to use me however he wanted to do stuff to me rather than have sex. Not that this changes anything as it’s still not ok. and definitely not ok for DD to see us together one moment and not looking at each other the next.

OP posts:
CookingFatCat · 07/04/2025 19:21

How old is your daughter? This must be so confusing for her to see.

Lovegame · 07/04/2025 19:40

He wanted to do things to you so he could play hide the sausage next.

It’s confusing for your daughter to have him
stay over. You need boundaries for you but you also needs boundaries for her.

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