Help! I’m terrified of weaning…

[Jaggy1]

Just as the title says really.
I never anticipated myself being like this, I’m a registered nurse and have just last month done a baby first aid course in prep for weaning, I was so excited to start but holy hell I hate it.

I think I hate the expectation of blw and such and just feel like I’m doing my son damage by not giving him chunks of food to gnaw on like you see all over tiktok.
He has taken to purées well, sometimes feeding himself with a preloaded spoon other times just sits back and wants me to do it. He’s 6.5months now but I just cannot give him finger food I’m terrified. I gave him a few melty carrot puffs on a few occasions now and the gagging and struggling omg I just can’t do it. I know there is a difference between gagging and choking and if I was at work with a patient I’d probably be fine with it but I can’t do it with my baby!

suppose I’m just looking for advice from people’s weaning journeys. My idea was I could do puree for a while then move onto chunkier/lumpier mashes, then finger food maybe in a couple of months when we’re both more confident?
Will this set him back any? Just can’t believe how different I feel doing it compared to what I thought I’d be like!

thank you for any advice 🤍

No it won't set him back I gave DS pureed food until he was 9 months old. We all did in the 80s. He grew up eating anything, except peas. No idea why he hates them so much.

My mum says this all the time and I really think I might start blocking anything weaning or blw related because all I see is the benefits of this and that and I feel terrible 🤦🏽‍♀️

Even my health visitor said he won’t start speaking early if I don’t get his mouth muscles used to eating!

Before we started I read 'Baby Led Weaning' by Gill Rapley & Tracey Murkett (they coined the term and the book is very in depth about the science behind it) and it did so much to put my mind at ease. Babies are so much more capable than we often realise & weaning is the first real test/demonstration of this so it's understandable that it's tough. Ultimately though, if you decide to do purees etc & work up to solids, no, you won't do any harm just delay the skills slightly.

Oh goodness please don’t worry - you really don’t have to do baby led weaning!!! Most people don’t and the kids are fine obviously!!! And of course they learn to speak!

I actually did do it both times but only because I’m too lazy to do purées!! My daughter was a good eater (back then - super fussy now so it made no difference in that way either). My son won’t eat anything so I did backtrack and try to do purees but he wouldn’t have that either!

Honestly it’s all fine. They say “food before 1 is just for fun” anyway and they get most nutrients from milk so give yourself a break and just use these next couple of months to get yourself used to whatever method you are using and your little one used to some tastes.

You’re doing great and the most important thing is that you feel comfortable and the baby is happy and has what is needed x

I didn't do blw with either of mine. They're 7 and 2 and you wouldn't be able to tell with either of them. DS is a fussy eater which is more likely due to suspected ASD than the fact that he was weaned on purees and DD currently eats everything under the sun.

As you know, they need to learn how to gag so they can get the food back to the front of their mouth and you're probably the most qualified for any potential choking situations. I'm not saying it will happen but it's always better to be prepared for the worst case scenario and never need it than to not be prepared and have to face that worst case scenario.

I would go ahead and block the blw stuff, noone will know later on whether you did or you didn't so don't put that pressure on yourself ❤️

The official recommendation is to do what you mention in your OP plus appropriate finger foods (eg adult finger-sized soft squishable like roasted sweet potato or steamed courgette or whatever)

BLW wasn't really a thing when we were kids and we didn't grow up unable to eat.

My first wanted spoon feeding, not interested in finger food.
My second refused spoons altogether and had to do everything herself.

They are now 12&13 and it really makes no difference. DD1 has a preference for milder, safe foods and DD2 likes stronger tastes. But both eat a massive range of foods.

Like many things... it matters massively to the parents when they are little but not so much in the long run. There's many "correct" ways to wean.

ETA.. the wrong ways are things like pureeing a Happy Meal or letting them rummage in a the rubbish bin for scraps.

Did BLW with DD. DS wasn’t having any of it he’s a lazy sod 😂

Both now happy to eat most things at 3 and 4.5. I think DD had the confidence to do it - she was always keen on food from day dot - DS was less bothered. I think at the end of the day you just have to flex the parenting approach based on the kid. But do try not to let it be because of your anxiety (anxious mum here so I get it!)

I say this from a mum of 4 (youngest one being 7 months) please don’t worry about the way you wean just do it the way that works for you and your baby. Eldest 2 were weaned “traditionally” with finger food. 3rd DC was BLW but that’s only because she took to it and it worked for her but is now the fussiest eater EVER! Youngest is on purées and finger food as that’s what’s working for her. It honestly doesn’t make a blind bit of difference how you do it. My eldest (15) eats anything and always has and pretty sure I stuck to the stages of weaning to the book. Please don’t worry ❤️ if baby is enjoying purees and you’re comfortable with that then stick with that x

DS is 8 months old and I feel the exact same. It's good to hear others feel the same because blw is ALL I am seeing on social media atm. Glad I'm not the only one.

I started off intending to do blw but he wasn't into it, gagged on everything and refused/threw on the floor most things. At the same time we were having some weightloss issues due to bottle refusal and I felt under pressure to get something into him, so started purees. He is loving them, and more importantly thriving! I've gotten his meals nice and thick now with lumps and he's doing fine. If I try whole foods he still gags and literally projectile vomits, so it's just not for him right now.

As others have said, most of us didn't experience blw as kids and are doing just fine. You know your baby best and are supporting him with what works for him❤️ Good idea about blocking blw on social media, I must do the same!

A baby is far more likely to choke, even on a lumpy purée, on something you actively spoon into its mouth. If you wait until it has the dexterity to pick it up by itself, then find its mouth, it will be capable of eating it.

I’d recommend following Solid Starts on Instagram. I found a lot of their posts useful.
I will add I think most people muddle through with a mixture of BLW type things and also some spoon fed mush.

Really? All of the health authorities quote research stating that choking risks are the same for spoon feeding and blw.

That's exactly the helpful comment op needs.....🤦‍♀️

Do whatever you feel comfortable doing with your child. Screw what others say or think. If he is being fed in whatever way or form feels comfortable and safe for you and him that's better than not feeding him out of fear.
All the "recommendations" that are forced down our throats as hard facts are so restricting and damaging mentally sometimes.
Continue doing what you need to, you'll know when he is ready for more solid things.
Also hats off for doing puree because I could never with that faff 😅😅

I didn't do blw. I stuck with purees until 9 months and then gradually transitioned to solids. At 13 months DD was eating the same as me for most meals, in bitesize pies or mushed a bit. She prefers broccoli to ice cream. Will go for mackerel over fruit. The only thing she doesn't really like is Weetabix - will eat at a push.

Benefits of blw are what, hand eye coordination? Textures? self feeding? I don't really know. Dd has great hand eye coordination, she has plenty of opportunity to practice her pincer grip picking up tiny bits off fluff off the carpet. She has felt and touched different kinds of foods (and non food items). At 10 months she was feeding herself off a loaded spoon, no mess (apart from if she missed her mouth). Skipped the throwing things from the highchair phases completely. Meal times were quick and painless and there was more time to play. She got her nutrition we carried on with our day.

Not knocking those who go for the whole blw thing, but it wasn't for me. Don't feel bad. Most important thing is that your child gets a nutritious and balanced meal.

Ps. You are doing great. Go slow and cautious. My DD has been advanced with all her milestones but her friends were better eaters. I worried that I was not doing the right thing by not doing blw. Fast forward to her friends birthday party and she was eating spicy chicken wings and jollof rice. (That's probably outing...). Worried for nothing.

Either way is perfectly fine, but at some point you're going to have to give baby something solid to eat and at that point baby probably will have some gagging incidents as he learns how to move food around his mouth.

I'd offer finger foods alongside the purees and try hard not to let your own anxiety affect your baby's chances to learn about the world

Don’t worry, it won’t set him back! I was exactly the same with my DD. Ended up doing purées mainly except for a few very soft finger foods - think salmon flaked with my fingers etc — and then gradually bringing in more finger foods around 8 or 9 months. Now 20 months she’s a super eater and she uses cutlery well etc.

My son starting walking and talking at 10 months and I had mainly done purees with him - smooth at first building up more lumpy ones like you said and started introducing MINIMAL BLW food around 10-11 months. Definitely didn't stop him chatting away!!!

We started blw with food like roasted veg which was basically mush that they could hold themselves.
carrot batons etc. So self feeding but not quite as hair raising and progressed naturally. Soft fruits too.