How do you manage the juggle?

[anicecuppateaa]

Arg. DH has been told he has a new job. Told to think about it, but essentially if he doesn’t take it he will be made redundant. Essentially a promotion but small payrise and much bigger job/ stress.

We have 3 young dc. 2 in reception (walkable) and 1 in nursery (drive away).

I work PT (Fridays off), and DH until now did condensed hours and had Mondays off. We use after school childminder/ nursery tues-thurs. No family nearby to help with pick ups.

His new role means travelling at least 3 days and missing morning and bedtime. On my 2 office days I can easily do school drop off but miss pickups / am home for bedtime.

I feel like we will be passing ships in the night (and am mildly pissed off that the weight of mornings/ bedtimes alone with 3 small dc is going to be on me).

Do other people live like this and manage to live happily?

I would hate this. We do what you currently do and I would deeply resent moving to me doing everything in the week.

I can see that it's being forced on your DH but is he also looking at other options?

I think what we would do here is agree that he takes this for now to avoid redundancy but job hunts in the meantime to try and get back to a role where he was able to be more present at home.

Is there an option to move to an after school nanny? Might take some of the strain and they could stay to help with bedtime too?

If he took redundancy what is the jobs market like and how would those jobs compare to the job he has been offered.

It sounds like his current role is not continuing and you need to be comparing this role with the role he might get elsewhere rather than his current role.

If he took redundancy how much pressure would it put the family finances under.

I was made redundant in Feb and have had to factor family life in the jobs I'm looking forward. There was one that came up immediately that before having my daughter I would have absolutely applied for but 5 days a week on site with a 1.5h commute was just not workable. We are luckily in the financial position that we can manage on my partner's salary so I can focus on finding the right job. I've made the decision to pivot my career and switch from lab based work to computational work as it is more practical for family life and there are a few more opportunities. A job has come up that's a 40-50 minutes commute in the office 3-4 days a week. My old job was a 1h commute 1-2 days in the office so we would need more wraparound care than before but we could make it work.

thanks @Radra that’s exactly how I feel. I’ve asked him to look at options since our first dc was born but he hasn’t changed companies for 20 years and is reluctant. A nanny could be an option if we could find the right person, but (as many people), our journey to becoming parents wasn’t complicated and I really don’t want to have this sort of life balance.

@Superscientist we could manage for a bit if he picked up wrap around care etc and cut back on “stuff”. I have some inheritance that we could dip into and maybe that is the way forward until our youngest starts school. I don’t know about this job market for him, although he claims any similar job would require travel. It’s a national role and the current role was regional. I would love him to find a local office job but he seems to think options are limited. Sounds like your pivot will work well for family life :)

Help/Advice needed please!

Just found out DH is going to be working away for the next 3 months Monday-Friday. We have 3 children: 6yo, 2yo & 6mo, bedtime/evening are a nightmare, only the oldest will go to sleep independently and the younger 2 both still want cuddles until they are sleep and put into bed asleep (I know bad habit)
I need to change our current routine just not sure where to start. They all have bath 6.30 then the youngest 2 both want to go to sleep but both only want to be cuddled alone, even if I bath earlier have the same outcome. Tonight has taken both crying for 2 hours for the both to go sleep.
Any advice would be really appreciated