About to be an empty nester - your advice please!

[TokyoKyoto]

My second and final child is moving out in six weeks' time. I was fine about it but then I realised that dh and I have been parents for the best part of 23 years, and suddenly we will be ourselves again.
Obviously life will go on as before, and it's not like we haven't had time to ourselves, especially recently. But it seems kind of different in some way. We will be able to have our own rhythm again, iykwim.
I'm thinking, it's a change that we need to navigate: so did any problems come up for you? Was it just super weird for a while and then it was ok? Is there more to it than that?
It's come upon us a bit suddenly, I suppose. After all those times with cranky toddlers and petulant teenagers where you long for a day off...😭

Watching with interest.

Nobody cares! <faints back onto chaise longue>
I spoke to my dh about it and he is not even remotely worried, he thinks we'll adjust to this as we've adjusted to every change in the past - I have a tendency to overthink so I am going to try to relax!

How is this even a thing? Our DDs moved out happy days - they come back now and again - what's more to think about.

My three all have their own homes now, I found it strange when they first moved out, especially my last son. Now it’s just great, we still see each other lots, our home, their homes, days out and sometimes holidays together. I’m lucky as I have a good relationship with their partners too.
It’s nice to visit theirs and come home to a tidy house. I found it more difficult when they started school than when they moved out. It feels like our life has just expanded.
Just keep in regular touch and include them in plans.

It actually is a thing. Some people really struggle to adjust when their kids grow up and move out. Just because it wasn't a thing for you, doesn't mean it isn't for someone else.

Do you mean that you’re afraid you’ll be looking at each other and not have anything to say?

Not really that - we don't talk about the kids all the time. But it is a period of readjustment.

Both our children will be moving out for university this year.

I have a number of friends who really, really struggled when their children left home and have been determined to avoid that both for my own benefit and for my children.

DH and I have been discussing/making plans for roughly the last year for how we will spend our newly freed up time.

As a result we regard the DC leaving home as a positive for both us and them.

It’s the start of a new phase of life, I think it warrants a bit of advanced planning 😆

My eldest moved out to live in Europe in 2022 and my youngest went to Uni last September leaving us empty nesters (and leaving us with the dogs that both DD begged us to get!) 😂

It was sad when both of them left to be honest. When the eldest left It changed our family of 4 into a family of 3. We are all close and my DD's are best friends so it was an adjustment for us all. Then the youngest leaving was a bit brutal.

But, DH and I knew it was coming so we made sure we were ready and we talked lots and made plans for the things we would do when we 'got our life back' which helped us to stay positive about things.

When she left there were tears and it was weird for a while. Getting used to it being 'just us' (and the dogs) felt strange but knowing she was loving uni life and thriving has helped us to feel so much better about things.

There is a period of adjustment. But if you and your DH have a good strong relationship you will come through it and enjoy your new life, just the two of you.

We enjoy our weekends not having to think about anyone but us. We go where we want, do what we want, eat when we want and don't have to think about playing taxi and those other things we do when she is home. We have got into our own routine and are enjoying each others company.

We have Facetime calls with both girls at the weekends to catch up which we look forward to. We have weekends away and both girls visit frequently and we visit them. Life is different now, but ultimately life is pretty good.

And this is all coming from someone who sobbed like a baby for a few days when each one left and couldn't go in their rooms for a few days after 😂

I think this is a "woman" problem. I've know several men who've had affairs or otherwise left because their wives feel they have nothing else to live for. Instead of the long anticipated freedom of travel, meals out and generally shared enjoyment, their wives mope around and treat them like strangers. The woman has invested her whole life in her kids and there's very little left for her whereas blokes usually look forward to this phase of life.

Yes it’s very strange at first though I am a half empty nester at the moment as my son is at uni but comes home during holidays. I was devastated when he went, as I’m a single parent, but soon enough, I settled into a new routine. I’m very much enjoying having my house to myself - it’s actually the first time ever despite being middle aged!
I found some new hobbies and relish the peaceful calm.

I’m suspect that this depends on the family, what you are describing sounds very dysfunctional for a number of reasons.

My husband and I are very much looking forward to spending more time together and we are both as invested as each other in the children.

We’ll be equally sad when they leave.

An egotistical update: it's bloody great!

We get on so well. Laugh a lot. Have both got back into cooking. He's got more time for his hobby. I'm reading more. Wonderful.

Awwww this is nice OP!

My Mum was lost when I moved out, so much so she trained for the marathon 😂 (it was 23 years ago and she still says she wishes she had picked a different hobby as her knee was never the same again!)

Laughing, cooking and reading - sounds like heaven x

Told you it would be okay didn't I? 😜😂

Honestly its weird and strange a first and takes a bit of adjusting to but ultimately life has been good.

I am pleased you have made the adjustment so well and are actually relishing the change. Good for you x

Thanks! I wanted to give hope 😁

Definitely life is far gentler that it was when we were both in our 20s, pre-DC. We do the garden as well 😂I quite like middle age!

That's a great update OP.

Both ours have left home now (mid 20s), and it was odd to begin with, but we see them regularly, one is quite nearby. I like cooking for two, don't miss crucial ingredients disappearing from the fridge. I enjoy walking in the door after work and the house is as we left it, no chaos in the kitchen or bags and shoes in the hall.

However, I do miss their chat and vibrancy, I miss their friends popping in and the music. DH wants to get a dog but I'm enjoying weekends away and holidays and I think it would be too much of a tie.

That’s a wonderful update, OP. So pleased for you!

I struggled most when the first one left. By the time the youngest buggered off I was quite looking forward to it. I love it! Peace and quiet, no stress, and the satisfying sense of a job well done! (Though I must admit, I love them coming home to stay at Christmas).