Stopping breastfeeding 13month old

[Katty123]

Hello

My 13 month old still feeds to sleep and wakes frequently in the night. I have been trying to reduce the amount of breastfeeding but she will literally scream all night until i give in. We tried getting my husband to settle her at bedtime and she will fall asleep but then wakes every 15mins, looking for the boob! We have tried separation from me for a few nights and it was torture. She got to the point where she was so distressed and i had to intervene to settle her. We have tried using a dummy as a comforter but she spits it out. She will take milk from a cup but then wants the boob for comfort after. I am also trying to reduce the amount of time i let her have on the breast but just feel like this is prolonging the pain for her. She has always been a high needs baby (never went in the pram, never taken to a bottle, refuses to be held by anyone other than me or her dad sometimes, never been able to nap any other place than at home, won't sleep in cot etc) and i am used to her being persistent but this is exhausting me and i am running out of options!

I also need to stop breastfeeding as I want to restart my ivf (even after having a challenging baby). Do I grind it out and go cold turkey? Just worried about how distraught she'll be.

Has anyone had a tricky toddler/baby and stopped breastfeeding successfully? What worked for you?

Thank you!

It sounds like she's not ready. Night weaning isn't usually recommended until 18 months. Can you wait and take it more at her pace?

I think you're probably right. I am stuck in a dilemma as I am not getting any younger and it took us over 5 years (with multiple ivf rounds) to conceive her. So feel like I need to restart my fertility journey asap 😫

@MrsSunshine2bI think it’s a rare mother who still breastfeeds at 18 months! Of course some do, but ‘not usually recommended’?? Most babes are sleeping through then too.
OP do not try a dummy now - far too old for that. But you need to reduce. Is there possibly a physical reason? Have you asked at your local baby clinic for advice? They’ll have seen it all. My baby self weaned - just refused the breast one night - and what a relief that was (she also never took a bottle). I’d say you just have to stick it out. Give her the cup and put her down. If she wants the breast just don’t give in - you can hold her, cuddle her, offer her the cup. Does she have a toy or blankie she likes for comfort? Maybe give her one. She isn’t feeding because she needs the food, so need to direct her elsewhere. But do ask for professional advice.

Maybe in the UK but worldwide the average is about 4 years. I don't think most babies are sleeping through at that age; it's certainly not my experience.

OP, have you been told you HAVE to stop BF in order to undergo IVF? I would challenge this. If you are only feeding at night and your periods have returned, there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to undergo IVF whilst breastfeeding.

https://blog.lactapp.es/en/breastfeeding-and-fertility-treatments/
https://www.fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282(24)01384-0/fulltext

My most successful “stopping breastfeeding” was with my 3rd child who was still feeding morning, lunch, afternoon and bed. For the week before I was very rigid in timing, so 10 minutes per side (whereas most of the time I was very relaxed). Then over the next 10 days I reduced every feed by 1 minute (I used a timer to make sure I kept to the schedule). If she woke in the I didn’t go in.
As I was reducing Bf, in the morning feed, as soon as I’d done my allocated time, I had a baby yogurt and a biscuit to distract her.
This was gradual for my daughter and also meant that I didn’t get engorged, (which had happened with my first when I just dropped a feed every few days, but my body didn’t realise and still kept making milk for a while).

I've gently eased two off being fed to sleep. I started by gently unlatching them just slightly before they're properly asleep – they have to be so close it's less effort for them to just continue falling asleep than to hunt for the nipple. And then slightly earlier, and slightly earlier until you're feeding before sleep, but definitely not to sleep. I then started shortening the actual feed until it vanished – this felt surprisingly quick and easy compared to the slowly, slowly of the first stage.

They were both older, but DD1 then moved to just needing her back rubbed or a cuddle when she woke in the night (usually only once), and then started sleeping through a couple months later. DD2 has some medical factors that affect her sleep, so that's a different story.

Thanks everyone. I decided to stick it out and went cold turkey in the end. She took to it surprisingly well. There were some tears but nothing compared to how she reacted when we tried to get my husband to settle her instead. I managed to get her to take a bottle and on night 3 we were already down to one bottle feed (used to breastfeed every two hours!). She still wakes at other times but is happy with a cuddle/rocking instead.

Fingers crossed, once her body clock adjusts there will be less wake ups !