Disciplining toddlers

[ProssecoParent]

My 2 year old has started acting out and I have no idea how to go about it. She hits and scratches when she gets mad about anything, she’s thrown a steel water bottle at her little sisters head twice, she’s constantly pushing her to the floor or scratching at her face. It’s like non stop all day I know this is supposed to be ‘normal’ toddler behaviour but at the same time I’m going insane. My husband introduced the naughty step but I just don’t know if it’s working. When she throws something I take it away and when she hits I obviously tell her off. Since introducing the naughty step I feel like I spend the whole day putting her on there than explaining why we don’t do that than telling her to apologise to her sister and it’s draining! I no longer enjoy my days with her as it’s just spent telling her off. It’s not something that you can ignore as she really does hurt her sister and it breaks my heart as her sister just wants to play with her or sometimes she will be watching tv and just gets a bottle launched at her head out of nowhere!

The naughty corner is bullshit. At her age she’s not capable of sitting in a corner self-reflecting on her behaviour. She’s trying to get your attention. Get her away from her sister, tell her a firm “no, we do not hit/hurt other people”, comfort the sister first away from her. Then as soon as that’s sorted engage her in something with you. Doesn’t need to be some all singing, all dancing, fun fest. Just make her feel like you want her company. Don’t go into a bit diatribe about the event, it was already dealt with by the firm no and removal. Be enthusiastic and get her to help you put clothes in the washing machine or tell her how much help you need with the dishes and fling a few in a basin of soapy water for her to “wash” on her toddler tower. Anything she can do with you and feel important and helpful with mummy. Carve out plenty of time with her, involve her in the smallest tasks, and praise her a lot for being a great wee helper. Notice the nice ways she interacts with her sister and point them all out in the moment.

I don’t want to sound like an arse but it seems like you need to supervise them better. How old is your other child?

I recommend Janet Lansbury on good techniques to handle this sort of behaviour, she has a fb page, a book and a podcast. Also how to talk so little kids will listen and how to listen so they’ll talk which is a great book that’s easier to read in small chunks.

The naughty step is pointless and stupid. You’re responsible for managing the environment your kids are in and mitigating stuff like bottles that can be thrown.

You say the sister is younger, that’s a huge upheaval so is the toddler getting enough quality time with you and her dad?

There are plenty of things you can but some of it is about changing your mindset. I’ve got a two year old and an older child and it can be infuriating managing chucking stuff and tantrums that seem to come from nowhere. I am sympathetic. But you won’t change how she behaves by punishing her or scaring her or banishing her. That’ll make her hate you and her sister.

By ‘2’ is she just turned 2 or approaching 3?
How old is younger sibling?

At 2 we had a quiet corner with a bean bag and some quiet calming toys. It was less about punishment and more about removing her a situation and to break a cycle
I'd try to avoid her hitting moving my arm out of the way if she came to hit me. I'd often say we don't hit we cuddle it broke the tension and defused the situation. At 24 months 2 she didn't have much language and only had about 10 words. As she moved towards 30-36 month old 2 when she had more language skills then we started to take her a few steps away from the situation sit her on my knee and explain why it was wrong and to get an apology and then we'd go back. We didn't have to move far say if we were sat on the floor playing in the living room I'd move to the sofa although by this point it rarely happened.

Thanks a lot guys for the advice I’ll definitely be taking it into consideration! I do actually supervise my kids constantly and they’re usually in the same room with me. The time she threw the bottle she was actually drinking it and launched it out of nowhere whilst I was sat next to her so was totally unexpected! Eldest is 30 months old and youngest is 13 months old. My toddlers always been a very sweet child and this behaviour has honestly come out of absolutely nowhere so I’ve had no idea how to deal with it so the advice is very helpful. Yes I do think the naughty step isn’t working and your advices has made me realise that maybe we do need to spend more time with her without her younger sister so we will be doing that more often now to see if it helps

We also did the firm 'no hitting' or 'no pushing' or whatever, just a couple words, removal from the situation. If she's hurt her sister, then lots of attention for sister as the victim, minimal for her (just for a minute, she's only tiny herself). Then it's over, back to nice positive interactions. For hurting me, I similarly withdrew my attention (and if safe, went into another room/put her in another room) for a minute.

Is little sister getting more mobile and starting to get into big one's toys more? Big sister might need some protected space when she can play on her own.

How is her language? Can she get her wants and needs across reasonably effectively?

Is there any pattern to when she's better or worse? She's got very limited ability to regulate her own emotions at this point, but if you can figure out what helps keep her on a more even keel, you can reduce the number of times she hits her limits. Not tired and not hungry – does she need an emergency snack, or would it help to rejig the mealtimes slightly? Getting out for fresh air and exercise? Having some time to play quietly without little sister getting underfoot?