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Parenting

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Advice for a child who saw a dead body

11 replies

Leapple · 01/04/2025 17:59

Hello, I'm not a mother I'm a big sister (18 years old), the eldest daughter, and I wanted the opinion of a mother on this subject. Today my little sister (10 years old) saw the dead body of one of our neighbors, he unfortunately fell down the stairs and she's the first one- along with the man's daughter and my own mother, who saw him dead. She was there too when the neighbor's wife was called, and you can guess that she was screaming and crying her heart out. She really liked this neighbor, they'd high five every morning and he was overall very kind to everyone.

After the police, investigators, and all the other neighbors were called, my little sister and mother came back home, and unfortunately my mother's coping mechanism is to avoid thinking about it, thus she assumes it's good for my little sister. Whenever my little sister starts crying and talking about it, my mother says "Come on now, forget about it, okay?". I pointed out that it's unhealthy and I let my little sister vent to me. Is it the right thing to do? Should I do something else, or more? How can I help her?

OP posts:
Sharktoothgirl · 01/04/2025 18:05

You could give her school a call (probably first thing tomorrow morning) and let them know. They may have something in place to discuss traumatic events with kids, or they may be some help in pointing you in the right direction to find someone for your sister to process this with. In any case, the school needs to know about the situation because your sister might start talking about it with her friends…

xmasdealhunter · 01/04/2025 18:09

Sharktoothgirl · 01/04/2025 18:05

You could give her school a call (probably first thing tomorrow morning) and let them know. They may have something in place to discuss traumatic events with kids, or they may be some help in pointing you in the right direction to find someone for your sister to process this with. In any case, the school needs to know about the situation because your sister might start talking about it with her friends…

This, the school will be able to help. You're being a great support to her by letting her talk to you about it. You might find this book Dealing with Death (The Kids' Guide): Amazon.co.uk: Gogerly, Liz, Garrett, Scott: 9781445181158: Books useful in terms of explaining grief and the feelings that come with it.

verysmellyjelly · 01/04/2025 18:11

You’re being a great sister, OP. Well done for not just going along with your mum. Your instinct that pushing it down and repressing won’t be the best thing for her is correct. It is a good idea to contact the school; since you’re not a parent they might not be able to tell you anything, but you should be able to notify them.

Boligrafo · 01/04/2025 18:13

She’ll have been less traumatised by the sight of a dead body than by the shock and grief of the living adults. Let her talk about it and ask questions, and yes, warn her school.

sommerjade · 01/04/2025 18:48

I lost my Mum 18 months ago, obviously I’m an adult as she was 74 but my Dad (they were divorced) and sister rarely want to talk about her; let alone her traumatic death.
Its unhealthy in the long run I feel not to talk about things. Im having grief counselling which has helped a lot.
So I definitely agree that liaising with your little sister’s school is the way to go; also talking to her yourself about her nice memories of her neighbour, as well as his upsetting death, will help her learn to live with the death and to cope with her feelings.
It’s great she has you as a helpful older sister. X

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 01/04/2025 18:59

I think your idea is great. I think we should talk about people we loved (or were good friends with). Focus on the happy memories and that could help distract her from the traumatic one, I think?

OnTheJourneyOnwards · 01/04/2025 19:09

The risk with trauma is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. The NHS website has some good information about it, and if she shows signs, she will need a GP visit to discuss her mental health. It’s vital that signs of PTSD are not left, and she is given treatment as soon as possible as it’s a truly awful condition to live with. And yes, it’s totally possible for children that young to get it.

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 01/04/2025 19:19

Let her know you’re a safe person to ask any questions.

Screamingabdabz · 01/04/2025 19:25

Let her talk about it and cry if she wants to. Just be there for her. You are a lovely sister.

Wishyouwerehere50 · 01/04/2025 19:29

If you let school know in advance to keep an eye out.

All you need to is simply say, if you have any questions or want to talk to me about it, then I'm more than happy to. Just let me know.

That's it.

She won't be as traumatised as you might think. What's traumatic is secrecy, lies and a child's imagination then making up stories in their mind because they sense the discomfort and lying of adults.

She just needs to know she can ask anything. She's probably going to be curious more than anything.

BogRollBOGOF · 01/04/2025 20:02

Being open for her to talk about it and let anything she's feeling is really helpful to let her process it healthily.

Letting school know is also really helpful.

It's a sudden loss, there's been all the adrenaline of the initial response to make it harder. That's a difficult experience for anyone to process.

My two were around this age when they went to their GM's open coffin funeral, but that's a much calmer, controlled environment compared to what's happened here. Even so, DS2 chatted to me about it a couple of years on because they'd been discussing death and funerals in RE which stirred it up and he wanted to chat about the experience and how he felt about it.

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