Single mum of 6! Exhausted!

[Chaosbythesea]

Single mum of 6 here. I am just exhausted 24/7. I just spend my days looking forward to an early bedtime, and even then my 5 month old is still waking up 5 times a night. I’m so burnt out. I have no help. Any suggestions on how to get my multiple birth pre-schoolers to behave abit better and get my 5 month old sleeping through. Struggling so badly.

Oh OP I have no idea how you'd do it but I myself feel tired just reading your post.

I'm sure you will get some proper advice shortly from other mums.

Only ideas I can come up with is try and get a good vitamins/minerals supplement for yourself and remember to eat and drink plenty of water. So that your body can function better.
I can't imagine you could increase the sleep time until the youngest one gets over 12 months old.
Would you have time to batch cook? That would reduce on stress.

Is there any possibility of increasing childcare for the preschoolers? might give you a bit of a brake, even if you still have the baby.

How old are the kids.

https://www.home-start.org.uk/

Contact Homestart they might be able to help you with some support. They are a charity!

From 6 months old you should be able to sleep train the 5 months old, would say do that - it should be a lifesaver.

How old are the kids and what support/childcare do you have in place?

it sounds tough with the baby waking so often - is that something you could focus on first? If you can reduce those feeds that would help with the sleep at least

Deffo sleep train the baby. It’s amazing how much you can do when well rested. After that you’ll have more energy to address tbe preschoolers’ behaviour.

Thank you everyone for your replies! I’ve just ordered some vitamins, and booked a b12 jab for Thursday! So hopefully that will help, because if I’m honest I’m not really taking care of myself. Between looking after all the kids and no sleep I’m probably not eating or drinking nearly enough. Preschoolers go to school 2 days a week, so it’s just me and bubs then. They start school in September so I’m hoping things will be abit easier then. But I just find my days when they’re at preschool washing and cleaning because it’s the only time really I can. Help wise, I have asked but family all very busy themselves and haven’t gotten offers of help. Batch cooking might be something I’m going to look into. Also downloaded the pampers sleep schedule tracker because I honestly thought by now he’d be sleeping longer. But we walk pretty much everywhere, and he sleeps every time in the buggy so maybe he’s getting too much daytime sleep? Also he’s still very much hungry at night, so would I be awful if I started to wean a little early? Just start some purées? He’s very much jealous when everyone is eating. Would this help do you think? Thank you so much for all your feedback so far. Father unfortunately isn’t too interested in helping, he lives 2 hours away now. When he does occasionally have them for the day he can’t handle them for more than a couple of hours without having a breakdown.

As someone who became a lone parent of 3 when my youngest was 6 months, I highly advise sleep training for your own sanity. I will openly admit I did controlled crying because it was the only way I could function to become a decent Mum.

It will get better, you're doing amazing.

I think you’re amazing. Truly. Kudos to you!

Thank you so much. Really means a lot!

How did you do sleep training may I ask? He’s currently still in a bedside bassinet. We have no choice but to share a room but will getting him a cot and putting it little further from my bed help do you think? So he can’t stare at me? I do honestly think if I had some sleep I’d be able to cope with the rest of so much better.

I thought weaning early would help our little one sleep more but it did the opposite. We had the worst sleep we’ve ever had from him! It can upset their tummies a lot when they first start

Are you breastfeeding?

it is tough - how is he feeding in the day vs at night?

other than being unnerving, is there an issue with him staring at you in the night? It does sound as well that he may be sleeping too much in the day - could you track sleep and food for a couple of days and work out what his routine currently is?

what are are your other kids?

I have 1x child and I’m exhausted. You are a superhero

I’m not breastfeeding, bottle feeding as bubs has a milk allergy. So is on special milk. Regarding other kids I have triplets age 3, and 2 daughters in years 7 and 10. So they aren’t too much trouble, other than feeding them, washing their clothes, helping with homework. They get themselves to and from school. Ok i have downloaded the pampers sleep app, which tells me when they should be napping and sleeping and I can log it. Only started that today so I’ll see how that goes! Otherwise maybe getting a cot and sleep training may have to be the way forward. He does know I’m right there. As the bassinet touches the bed so I can put my hand in to soothe him, but he is quite a clingy baby. But maybe I’ll track his feeding/naps on this app for a week and see what it says. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me!

Can you increase the preschool hours or days? It sounds like these are the younger children, how much older are the other ones? Are they independent enough to get their own breakfast, help with dinner etc?

If you have the space, I think the baby might be more comfortable in a cot instead of in a bassinet and sharing a room shouldn't be an issue. Just a bit more space to stretch if he feels like it.
If he is staring or stirring but not making noise or crying, he's probably content and doesn't need direct interaction with you in the middle of the night.
It must be very difficult for you.

As for weaning early, probably the rules have changed since I had babies. But it wasn't recommended back then and I remember there was a very long list of what we weren't allowed to introduce before 12 months (from memory, gluten and strawberries and I cannot remember anything else from that list).
Can you see or call the health visitor? as they would be best placed to give up to date advice on weaning. The trouble is, you really want to be very careful not to start too early so as not to upset their digestive system or trigger an allergic reaction.

Can you get a robot vacuum cleaner or pay someone for an hour a week to just tidy up in the main areas of the house?
Cut as many corners as you can, use diced frozen vegetables and meat when cooking, get the weekly food shop delivered if you can, keep to a small repertoire of meals you can easily cook on repeat. Gradually, aim to give each child a colour so they can learn to identify their things (cutlery, plates, towels, bags, coats etc). Don't give children many choices. You tell them what is happening and why and this is the schedule. Spend more time cuddling your kids than worrying about cleaning and washing (it is good for your soul and wellbeing. You'll always remember the times if closeness)

It will be easier if you are bottle feeding

you just need to try and get as much food in during the day so he isn’t so hungry at night - and then the opposite with the sleep. It won’t happen overnight but I reckon he is probably in his own routine and if you can figure it out you can also start to tweak it so it works for you

It wouldn’t be a problem to wean a bit early. Not at all. In lots of countries they do it from four months.

Are you breastfeeding? A formula feed at night often helps them sleep longer and might help you regain your energy levels.

Can you put the preschoolers in nursery for more time?

Have you chatted with the health visitor? They were very helpful with my first baby about reducing his night feeds and getting him to sleep through the night.

Thank you. I’m going to give all these suggestions a try! The older 2 do just themselves up, fed and to school, so not an issue. It’s mainly the younger ones, and I would say the sleep deprivation is playing a huge part! Definitely going to track his feeding and naps. He does cry rather than stir, so I do have to settle him as I don’t want him to wake the others. But I agree, maybe a cot is the way forward. Food shopping delivery already happens because I honestly couldn’t get out to do the weekly shop. Never heard of a robot vacuum. I’ll need to look into this! Do they do a robot entire house cleaner by any chance 😂 I know I’ll get through it, just struggling at the moment. Need to focus on getting my youngest sleeping longer stretches, then triplets start school in September. So hopefully just gotta make it through until then!

I'm a single parent to 2, I'm in awe that you're managing 6!

I agree with pp saying to try and get some more childcare for the preschoolers. If you can't do that I'd talk to your eldest two and make an arrangement where you pay them to take the preschoolers to the park after school for two hours a couple of times a week, on days when you don't have childcare.