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DD struggling at nursery/pre-school

8 replies

MummaofbabyH · 31/03/2025 13:41

Hi, my daughter (who turned 3 2 weeks ago) is struggling at her pre-school. She has been at this nursery since she was 18 months (previously baby room & then toddler room. Now in pre-school room). She initially struggled very hard to settle but then was ok for a few months. I realized 5 days full-time was too much for her so changed to 3 day.

She is generally a shy child (for lack of a better word). She struggles with new people and our friends whom we don't meet very often, when we go to a park she observes a lot more than she plays, if there is even one other child around she would refuse to play on the slide. We don't force her for anything. She's comfortable around people & kids she knows.

She's been on & off at this nursery. On some days she would walk just straight in. But recently every morning has been a struggle. She cries a lot & even at the door there she cries, gets emotional, asks me or my husband to take her back home. She refuses to enter. She has formed a connection with staff members but not enough to go there. She goes there unhappily because I think she knows we have to work during the day.

We tried everything - play in the morning, no play in the morning, I drop her off, my husband drops her off, make the journey interesting, boring. Nothing seems to work.

She is a good communicator but is not able to say why she doesn't like there. Once she said she is very tired there, then once she said she gets bored, once she said she just likes at home & wants to be with us.

I am not sure what to do. Have you been through anything similar?

Should I take her out of the nursery & keep her at home, try childminder, nanny, forest/outdoor nursery? I am not sure if trial & error will be good at this age i.e. try different things & see what she likes. It may be too much of a change for her.
We don't have any grand-parents help.

OP posts:
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Stegochops · 31/03/2025 13:48

How will you keep her at home if you work and don’t have family support? I wouldn’t advise that.

What is she like once you’ve gone? If she settles quickly then I wouldn’t worry and would persevere. If she’s unhappy during the day then I’d consider other options.

Neither of mine have been huge fans of nursery but have been better at school with more structure and higher expectations of behaviour.

Our best option has been school nursery but it’s all individual.

MummaofbabyH · 01/04/2025 12:02

Stegochops · 31/03/2025 13:48

How will you keep her at home if you work and don’t have family support? I wouldn’t advise that.

What is she like once you’ve gone? If she settles quickly then I wouldn’t worry and would persevere. If she’s unhappy during the day then I’d consider other options.

Neither of mine have been huge fans of nursery but have been better at school with more structure and higher expectations of behaviour.

Our best option has been school nursery but it’s all individual.

The only option I'll have is to leave my job if she doesn't go to nursery.

They always say she had a good day but when we go to pick her up in the evening she's not playing. Just sitting in a corner. And if I ask her how was her day she would say not good.

OP posts:
TheNightingalesStarling · 01/04/2025 12:33

Could you try a childminder instead?

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AirFryerCrumpet · 01/04/2025 12:36

I'd try a childminder, the nursery might just be too much for her.

skkyelark · 01/04/2025 12:39

I'd want to probe a bit more what her day is like. Do you get pictures of what she's been up to? I'd also try asking what she did today, or 'did you play in the garden today?', or other questions that are a bit more specific.

If possibly, I'd also try to pick up early a couple of times to try to get a snapshot of what she's like earlier in the day – is she playing happily at, say, 3 pm, but is just getting a bit too tired by 5 pm, or is she not really engaging a lot of the day? I wouldn't worry too much if she's playing alone or alongside rather than 'with' other children at this stage – just that she's playing reasonably happily.

MummaofbabyH · 01/04/2025 16:07

@TheNightingalesStarling @AirFryerCrumpet - Yes, that's an option we are considering. I have shortlisted a few near me with spaces. Will book for a visit, but I'm nervous that this might be a big change for her.

OP posts:
MummaofbabyH · 01/04/2025 16:11

skkyelark · 01/04/2025 12:39

I'd want to probe a bit more what her day is like. Do you get pictures of what she's been up to? I'd also try asking what she did today, or 'did you play in the garden today?', or other questions that are a bit more specific.

If possibly, I'd also try to pick up early a couple of times to try to get a snapshot of what she's like earlier in the day – is she playing happily at, say, 3 pm, but is just getting a bit too tired by 5 pm, or is she not really engaging a lot of the day? I wouldn't worry too much if she's playing alone or alongside rather than 'with' other children at this stage – just that she's playing reasonably happily.

@skkyelark - that's some good ideas there. I'll be more specific with questions & will pick her up early to see how's she during the day. They do share photos but once a week. I can ask them to share more often (I have a meeting with her key worker to discuss about this tomorrow).

I am really not bothered if she doesn't play with other kids. As long as she is happy & doing something, that's ok. But on most days when we go to pick her she is sitting in corner with her blanket & just emotional

OP posts:
Stegochops · 01/04/2025 20:40

I wouldn’t be at all happy to leave her somewhere where she is just sat in a corner looking sad when you pick her up. Do the staff not interact with her?

I wouldn’t worry about a childminder being a change. She doesn’t sound happy so it may be a good change. Alternatively a different (?smaller) nursery may be an option?

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