I’ll preface by saying I have severe anxiety, particularly health anxiety, and have had for many years. Over the past 15 years I’ve become fixated on lots of health conditions that I’ve convinced myself that either I or my children have. I google and google and google and find myself down a rabbit hole where I am able to join many dots (even those that aren’t really there) and convince myself of a diagnosis. The most recent being autism. My son is 6.5 and a bilateral hearing aid user. This came as a huge shock after his birth and triggered a huge spiral into anxiety and depression once again for me. I have over the years, been medicated, seen professional counselors and had CBT. Nothing seems to offer me a permanent fix. Guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m very aware that this is likely a ‘me’ problem. But I just want to make sure this isn’t masking a real issue with my son. My family are all convinced it’s the former and that he’s absolutely fine but I am absolutely overwhelmed with worry about him. My main concerns are:
he was late to talk (2.5 years) and point (2 years). But once the talking started it didn’t stop. He’s very articulate and no issues with communication now. He is an excellent reader (reading to a high level for his age) and despite some issues with his fine motor skills, his writing and maths has come on tremendously and he is now where he need to be for his age.
He stims when he’s excited (or what I think is stimming). He jumps or runs about occasionally flapping hands with it and making noises. This usually only happens when he’s very overstimulated and excited/anticipating excitement and he doesn’t seem compelled to do it, rather that he enjoys it and can easily be distracted away from it. He is generally a very excitable and happy child
he mutters under his breath and occasionally repeats something that he or someone else has just said, sometimes in a different intonation. Sometimes it is like he is thinking out loud. My DH thinks this is related to his hearing loss
School raised some concerns in year one about his social interactions and potential issues with social cues. As you can imagine this sent me into a spiral. Anyway, SENCO and teacher of deaf did assessment and all parties agreed that his issues were related to his hearing. They put in some strategies and he is like a different child. He does not seem to have any issues now and has lots of friends and is very very happy at school.
He doesn’t have any sensory issues or ridgity around routines etc. If anything he embraces the novelty of anything new and exciting. Loves to have other children to play with. Loves a party, play date, trips out, lunch in cafes, loud music and dancing. He doesn’t seem to have any trouble making friends, whether at the park or at his clubs etc. He is also very content to be dropped at his after school clubs or social gatherings where a parent isn’t present. He doesn’t have meltdowns (perhaps the odd temper but nothing unusual for his age). He loves toilet talk and doesn’t seem to have fixed or narrow interests, his interests are varied and at the moment he is enjoying learning about the titanic at school. He loves Lego, football, going to the beach, watching movies etc. He is very sensitive about emotions and will always notice if someone is upset and give kisses and cuddles and want to know if that person is ok. Eye contact generally fine I think. He understands the intricacies of speech beyond his years in my opinion, he isn’t literal and understands jokes and figure of speech/idioms (to a point - he is only 6). He has also been known to tell white lies without any trouble.
Please tell me if this is indeed a me problem or do I do I actually need to be concerned? I hate feeling like this, it seems to be robbing me of the enjoyment of my son and being a mother and I absolutely hate it. But I don’t know how to make it stop.