Finding with friendships with other mums hard

[Flossy8397]

Before I had children I think my expectations were too high and I thought it would be easy to make other mum friends and that everyone would be kind and open as we’re united by motherhood. Unfortunately it hasn’t worked out that way, and while I have met 2 or 3 mum friends they’ve been in unexpected places, not NCT or the school gates. I found both quite cliquey and catty unfortunately. The school mums can be quite mean and I know there is a separate WhatsApp group where a big clique of them organise nights out and play dates which I then I see splashed all over social media, but me and DD don’t get invited to those. Then when I see them at the school gates they all stand in a group with their backs turned. It doesn’t usually bother me that much, but there’s a quiz parent social next month organised by the PTA so I thought I’d try again. I put a message out on my other child’s group chat asking if anyone wanted to form a group and go together but no one replied. It just seems so sad and a bit cold? I wasn’t expecting this from other parents. Anyone has similar experiences?

I came on here looking for support on managing the school gates as there doesn’t seem to be any books or podcasts. I haven’t watched Motherland yet.

Knowing youre not alone is helpful.

The school gates are a NIGHTMARE! I have always made a point of being the welcome face at the school playground to new mums. The number of women who said you were the first person I spoke with when we left was astonishing. There should be a buddy system for parents as well as children!

I think people do like pushing others out at times to make themselves feel better. It’s very fickle. It is also incredibly damaging so we should therefore all take responsibility in ensuring we are not contributing to this.

I believe in a world where a large percentage of people feel lonely we should be doing more to be more welcoming.

Im glad to see you have responded to some of the comments above. Keep you head up and know even parents who have succecced in one school year May find it’s very different in another child’s school year. It can just be an unfriendly or self-unaware ignorant bunch. Focus on your hobbies where you will find your own tribe. And it does get easier as they get older.

xx

I'm the opposite to you in that I realized that just because a woman has kids, I don't need to be friends with her and they don't need to be friends with me because we don't necessarily have much in common.

It's hard work building friendships, it takes A LOT more than just having a baby in the same year, and I have so much LESS time than I did pre-baby.

So I gravitate around the people I have an actual connection with. And yes, we do stuff together in groups.

You are expecting too much.