Advice with 4 year old lashing out at me (her mum)

[cheekycee]

Yesterday my 4 year old rolled a toy car into me in a mood today she squeezed my hand quite hard because I told her no and then after she was crying getting angry I asked if she wanted a hug she said no. I told her she’s tired which is why she’s acting this way and she pushed me. What do I do please? I don’t want to be harsh as she is 4 but this absolutely is NOT happening!

What do you mean this is NOT happening? This is perfectly normal 4 year old behaviour when they are feeling tired and emotionally disregulated. She doesn’t have the words to express to you that she needs her personal space and she’s feeling overwhelmed, so she pushed you.

You calmly explain to her to not push mummy, that it’s not kind, and you move on from it. Sounds like you’re making a mountain out of a molehill on this one.

completely normal behaviour for a 4 year old. You just firmly tell her no and that she needs to be gentle/kind.

I’d be more worried about a 4 year old who had never lashed out or tested the boundaries, it’s how they learn.

”this is NOT happening” as in my not having my child be physically violent.

i am fully aware of her not being able to express things but I also know my child who has never done things like this. She always tells me exactly how she feels. I’ve 9 nieces and nephews and can confirm I’ve never seen any of them do this (or heard of it) at her age.

to offer my daughter who is usually polite and kind a hug - did not go to hug her I simply verbally offered her a hug and she pushes me. This is acceptable in your eyes?

Couldn’t get worked up about this. I don’t tolerate this sort of behaviour either, but it happens. That’s just kids being kids.

If my 3 year old has a moment like this I say “oh dear, how unkind. It’s funny, you know in this house boys who behave unkindly don’t get/do XYZ nice thing.” He always apologises and I remind him that it’s not nice behaviour and now would he feel if someone did it to him, blah blah and so on. Don’t go on and on. Say your piece and move on. It’s really not the end of the world in an otherwise kind and well-behaved child.

It’s not acceptable but it is completely normal. You may have never seen your nieces and nephews do this but if you speak to their parents they absolutely will have because parents are a child’s safe place where they will express behaviours and test boundaries.

Your child is not “physically violent”

Are you always prone to such hyperbolic reactions? Do you generally have very high non age appropriate expectations for your child? That’s how it seems in your posts.

Tell her that you can see she’s feeling cross, so you are going to sit down somewhere else and if she needs a hug, she knows where to find you.

Four is a difficult age!

thanks for the advise on here so quickly. I just explained to her exactly that. Ir isn’t kind and she needs to not do that. We don’t have that relationship at all. We’ve got the best bond but lashing out 3 times in 2 days really isn’t like her. Anyway o took the advice and had the chat thanks

Bloody hell calm down. You know you’ve got a lot of years ahead of you? Kids aren’t the same from day one onwards. Part of parenting is teaching her through these moments. A good parent isn’t one with a meek child who never ever does anything “wrong”. You’re her guide. Give yourself a shake and put things into perspective.

this is so true gosh I feel shit now.

Do you normally spiral in your emotional reaction to things? You’ve spoken to her about it. Just move on as normal. Neither of you have done anything wrong, just stick to your boundaries of no hitting/hurting people and crack on.