Husband going away for work for 2 months - need tips for solo parenting!

[Flossy8397]

Hi all, husband will be away overseas for 2 months and I’m slightly panicking about coping with the children on my own… my children are 7 and 5 so still pretty full on. I work from home part time but it’s keeping on top of the house, laundry, cleaning, homework, reading logs, teeth brushing… all that stuff! They can both also be quite cheeky and sometimes their behaviour is a bit challenging (like all kids!) I’ve done it before for a week or so at a time but I’m a bit nervous about 2 months. I don’t have much of a support network unfortunately although grandparents could be called in to help as a last resort. Any tips for staying sane and fairly organised while solo parenting would be much appreciated!

Hire a cleaner, even for a couple of hours a week to ensure the house gets a good once-over regularly?

Do you work all the hours they're at school?

They’re at school, yes? It’ll be fine.

Routine. Routine. Routine. Get them used to being involved in chores and taking responsibility for their own needs as far as possible. If they have devices you could consider the joon app - we've had some success it for our two (6+9).
At minimum, a family planner with PE / own clothes / library / clubs written on it so they can self check. And lists of what needs to happen in the morning/bedtime so they can check it off.
You'll be grand.

Make putting the kids to bed the last task of the day if you can. Even if that means letting them watch tv before bed while you run round doing a few jobs. That way once they are in bed you get a bit of time to relax whereas I used to find if I saved doing the dishes/cleaning the kitchen until after bedtime it felt like I never stopped from waking up until going to bed.

Cleaner, lower your standards. Easy meals that the kids like making meal times simple, bonus points for anything you can make once and freeze a portion for the following week. Eg. If I make a cottage pie, lasagne etc I always make 2 or 3. Usual things around washing load on to finish at a good time for you to hang out, dishwasher on overnight etc.
Work out how and when you are going to get some "me" time. This might be dropping them at the grandparents for you to go for a run, if that's your thing. I can work very flexibly, so often go for a swim during my working hours and then work in the evening, as the swim is really important for me.
Playdates - drop and go is obviously better, but even just meeting up with another parent with kids of similar age at the weekend can feel like a break. Soft play too, they are old enough to amuse themselves with minimal supervision in that environment, giving you time to read a book/do some work/enjoy a coffee.

Change the locks before he returns 😀

As a single parent left with two under the age of 4, organisation and routine is the key, including responsibilities on your DC’s. Great to create independent, organised kids.

I made sure they had..lists/visuals of, for instance, what they needed to pack for school the next day.
I sat with them weekly and they chose a meal each, that they could help me make.
We had a ‘cleaning evening’. I did Thursday evening, just because I was so grumpy on Saturday morning, if we got up to a mess and loads of jobs.
We ‘drew lots’ 😂 for our jobs and spent an hour, the three of us, cleaning and tidying. Music on, easy food afterwards. That was enough cleaning, following a ‘big clean’ every school holiday.

They helped with setting the table, clearing after a meal, sorting their laundry etc.

Time out of the house was time for me as well as them. I chose parks and outdoor adventure play, where they could play endlessly, running off their energy, whilst I was prepared with a newspaper or book on a very near picnic table. Even better if there was a coffee kiosk or I would take a flask and drinks for the kids. We could spend a good two or three hours like that.

My dh used to travel loads when dc were little (pre covid). I found i could do it all, but it was exceptionally draining.

Our solution was to get an au pair, because just having an extra adult in the house to play with the dc whilst i cooked dinner, or someone to watch them whilst i dashed to the shop to buy a loaf of bread reduced my stress levels so much.

Obviously it depends on if you have a spare room, can afford it, etc but our au pairs brought so much fun into our lives and even a decade later were still in touch with them.

Over a holiday period or during term time? During term time, you do most of it on the days you are not working and worry less about perfection. Holiday times, book them into holiday clubs sometimes to give you a break, or at least a chance to get stuff done more quickly.

When they are around, get them doing little things to help. Their dad being away is a great chance to get them doing more, even if it is only emptying bins, helping strip beds, pushing the vacuum round. It doesn't have to be perfect, but make things a team effort.

There will be one person less laundry to deal with, and I found that one less person reduced general mess, and daily dirt.

And don't sweat the small stuff.

Outsource what you can, so cleaning and ironing.
Get a family planner to help with the mental organisation and for the kids to be a bit more self sufficient with things like pe kits and book bags etc.
And tell DH that when he's back you get to have some time to yourself.

Hire a cleaner and get them a tick chart for brushing teeth, reading etc so they can show daddy how grown up they’ve been while he’s been away. Also let them see what incentives they get for consistently completing different things.

My DH worked away a lot and I had 5 little ones - to be honest, I found it easier! I was in charge and made all the decisions, no-one to negotiate with or consider but myself and the kids. If yours are at school and you work part time, you've got plenty of time for housework/laundry etc. Get your big shop delivered weekly. Do a loose weekly meal plan if that helps you be organised.

Don't hold yourself to impossible standards - clean & fed kids, homework done and bed at a reasonable time are the essentials. Tidyish house and a bit of time to yourself in the evenings is a plus. Weekends get out in the fresh air, invite the kids friends or your friends over for a play and dinner. Relax with the kids and have movie night and snacks.

And sometimes it's fine to have cheese on toast for tea in front of the telly!

Sounds a lot for you OP but things I’d do to help make things earlier:

• weekly food shop delivered
• weekly cleaner
• weekend plans out of house
• tea out once a week minimum
• weekly meal plan
• pay someone to do the ironing?
• chores for the little ones with rewards on the weekend?

good luck!

I always tried to accept (or create!) the help of others, for example:—Play dates at their friends’ houses and at yours too, even if they’re just an hour or two after school, will introduce variety for you all.
Introduce them to after-school clubs, whether they’re sport or craft. It’s a great opportunity to sample new experiences that they could carry on with (or never do again!)
Arrange a regular time to speak with Dad, so the relationship continues as strongly as possible despite his absence. Could he read them a bedtime story via FaceTime or similar?
Write / draw a diary for them to show Dad either on those calls or when he returns.

Allow them to do special things that don’t need tidying up every night (links to lowering housekeeping standards a bit!) so can be longer-term, such as making a den with chairs & blankets, putting a train set / road / town on the floor and so on.
Maybe set aside a particular day or time for them to do something special for you, even if it is as simple as bringing you a plastic cup of cold milk, a cookie and a book to relax with for a few minutes. Or teach them that after they go to bed, you’ll be doing the same?
I know you’ll miss DH very much (I did, when in your situation) but try to take the opportunity of some time for yourself out of all of this (something I never did, more fool me!)

Thank you so much everyone, these are brilliant tips! I’m definitely taking note of these to help keep every one sane and happy while DH is away. Amazingly helpful - thank you all xxx

Just another thought, linked to my work with families of armed forces personnel - be ready for unsettled times when your DH returns too. Those routines you and the DC’s have established - it can be quite stressful for you and for DH when life has to change again.

Sometimes you and the DC’s might feel that DH is intruding…and he may feel that too, as you re-establish family routines, including those that work well for you and the DC’s.

Really good point, @MessagesRevealed- reintegrating Dad into your newly tight little gang of three is so important for all of you. Share all the things you’re done without him & maybe carry some forward so he can do them too. It’ll be great when he’s back.

Invite friends over for play dates now so they are invited back when he is away, gives you some 1:1 time with the child not on a play date which is hard to do when solo parenting and time for you if they are both on play dates

5 & 7 is plenty old enough for the children to be involved in jobs around the house!
doesn’t necessarily mean it’s quicker! But it doesn’t mean you aren’t feeling like a loan maid!
sort the clean washing together, and hang it out to dry together!
“oh know my sock has shrunk!” Will hopefully have them telling you it’s there’s and you can tell them to put it away carefully!!

they can be involved in dinners, chat through a plan (but also allows yourselves to be flexible if it changes).

ask them to remember what days they need things for school, have you got your book bag ready near the door before bed? Shall we fill up your water bottles and pop them in the fridge etc.

it won’t be easy. But it’ll be less lonely. & it time they’ll get independence.

Mother. Not maid. Too many people confuse the two.

You’re so right! There are definitely more little jobs around the house I could include the children in and give them more age appropriate responsibility. Packing their own book bags for example is a great idea as I always seem to flying around at the last minute doing that. I think I get stuck in a rut sometimes and can’t see the wood for the trees but these are great tips thank you 👍🏻

That'll be hard work OP but you can do it 👏💗 batch cooking before he goes could be a life-saver. Buy bigger trays of mince/chicken then everytime you use it you'll have a meal or 2 left over to freeze. I do this and send my daughter back to Uni with the frozen extras. Get some nice oven meals in too then you can have some nights off cooking while he's gone. Good luck.

This is what I always did.

i think you also need to get them in better habits and have rewards for good bedtimes.

I would do this. Or a mother’s help. My kids are also challenging and I’d find two months with no DP exceptionally challenging. (And yes I realise single mums do this all the time and you have all my awe and admiration).

Drop your standards a lot