2yo hurting older sibling

[Undertheflowerpot]

My 2.5yo boy hits, kicks, pushes, and throws stuff at my 6yo boy. He doesn’t do it to anyone else, although he can get a little rough handed with the dogs- but rarely. But the 6yo?? Every damn day!!

2yo is lovely and sweet when it’s just the two of us (I’m a single parent), he is a complete angel at preschool - although they do have him down as being pre verbal, when he never shuts up talking at home! They say he never talks there, only little things like “oh dear” or “bye bye”. He is a little delayed with his speech and clearly has a speech impediment which he has been referred to S&L for, but he talks all the time and has a lot of words!
Anyway… When his brother gets back from school he starts being aggressive - 6yo is a bit younger than his age and very reactive and will scream and cry and roll around on the floor for very minor hurts, so 2yo is finding it very entertaining. Even if he throws something and it barely hits, he gets a full show. I’ve tried to explain to 6yo that he needs to make it boring and not make such a show, but he has some difficulties that mean he struggles with things like that. I constantly try to talk to 2yo telling him hurting others is not ok, but he doesn’t seem to take it on board at all!

I don’t know what consequences I could give, I’ve never had such a wild 2yo (he is my 3rd - all boys… 😵‍💫). But 6yo is starting to feel quite unhappy, little one needs to stop hitting. What can we do??

I would remove him every time he tries to hurt his brother and then give the 6yo lots of attention. It is not for the 6yo to have to pretend it doesn't hurt! Time out every time!

2 year old needs to be disciplined every single time he uses his fists or feet for anything other than dancing, writing, playing.
6 year old needs to stop being so dramatic and rolling about on the floor like a premier league footballer when he isn’t seriously injured (sadly he won’t get paid megabucks for performances like that for years yet)

I actually think the 6yo is the problem here. I don’t think the 2 year old is intentionally trying to hurt anyone, they’re just getting overexcited and as you said they are fine at nursery. When this happens can you try and divert both their attention asap to other things eg say let’s go and all read a book together. The 6yo really has to stop the over the top reactions though.

My two year olds would not be allowed to continue hurting anyone especially not a scheduled bashing at home time. Poor 6 year old.

Nonsense.

It sounds like the 2 year old is experiencing sibling rivalry and expressing it by literally trying to get rid of his older sibling (the threat/competition) .

While the 6yo sounds dramatic, I’m not sure that you can expect a very sensitive child to pretend that he’s not a sensitive child and tone down the reaction.

I would give the 6yo lots of attention when hurt in the hope until 2yo realises that hurting his brother results in him losing attention and brother getting more.

It’s fine if you don’t agree but there’s no need to be rude. I’m just offering a different perspective to the OP. The 6yo is giving these huge reactions even when the 2yo is not hurting him. It sounds like there is a 3rd sibling that the 2yo is presumably not hitting or throwing things at. In fact the 2yo is not kicking or throwing things at anyone else. 2yo absolutely thinks this is fun and best way to stop it is to not make it fun anymore. OP has to figure out a way to do this. She has said herself that disciplining and consequences hasn’t worked.

Wrong discipline and wrong consequences. Put him in another room and do something fun without him every time.

Have you tried getting the six-year-old to make a big fuss of the two year-old when he arrives home? This might give the two year-old the attention he's looking for.

I’m in a similar position with my just turned 2 year old hitting and scratching my 4 yo who is so gentle and well behaved she would never ever retaliate. I’ve got an arm chair in my living room which has been designated the “naughty chair”. Every single time he hits/ scratches/ pushes, he is taken immediately to the naughty chair and made to stay on it for 2 minutes while I make a fuss over 4 yo in his line of sight after the time is up I go and tell him firmly we don’t hit, we use gentle hands etc and make him say sorry to his sister and give her a cuddle. I know time outs are controversial on here but I tried ignoring and it wasn’t working and rightly or wrongly I didn’t feel it was fair on my 4 yo to not see him being disciplined in some way when she was being hurt. It does seem to be helping. He hates being on the naughty chair and the episodes seem to be reducing.