Husband favours eldest child (ages 3 and 1)

[August21yellowbaby]

i see a really obvious difference in how my husband treats our 3 year old and 1 year old. He completely dotes on our 3 year old, takes him out everywhere with him, baths him every night and does bed time. He will not do this with our 1 year old. Comparing to how he was when our first was born to how he is with our second is SO different. It really breaks my heart especially because I myself really struggled to bond with my second born due to him having colic. Has anyone’s husband been like this with their second child? Does it get better? He loved age 1 with my eldest, so it’s not that he’s not good with younger age

Yes! Dh favoured dd who was 2 when ds came along. For us some of ut was that he could look after her and I was breastfeeding so always with ds at first and I think this made a routine of ut. Then ds always wanted me not dad .... anyway we spoke about it - dh didnt seem to realise- he thought he was helping taking dd out and doing things with her as then i could concentrate on ds, but he made an effort and years later you would never know. Ddis 11 now and ds 9.
What does he say when you talk about it?

Babies are harder and don’t have the fun personalities that toddlers do. My DH leaned into being with our toddler more, but it all worked itself out once the younger one was about 2.

I think it’s actually quite typical when you have more than one that you sort of each have ‘your one’. I suspect that when your 1 year old was born, more of the day to day care of your 3 year old shifted to Dh, more days out so you could feed and sort baby, etc. It certainly was the case for ours. We sort of each took a child. 5 year old dd went to Dh and baby ds to me. I would say we still each have our child in a way. When we need to do separate things, Dh is more inclined to take dd and I take ds. But they come to both of us for different things: Dh is good at adventure and fun and I am good when you’re upset or feel poorly or need to ask a tricky question. But we do still divide and conquer and each take our assigned child at times. Give it time. They probably haven’t had much time together yet because of your mat leave and your older one has the benefit of two years as an only child already.