How do you get over the guilt?

[TheWorkingMom623]

My baby is 9 months old now and I have resumed work. I work in an industry that demands long hours and expected to be in person. I am having an extremely difficult time getting over the fact that I am missing milestones of my baby. For example, I was not there when he first sat up, started to crawl, and stood up on his own. For financial reasons I cannot quit my job and due to my specialized qualifications cannot change industries. I am always upset and envious of my husband who gets to be there for all the growth. How do I stop the resentment and the fear I will miss out on everything? Its effecting my work, marriage, and other relationships. Looking for advice.

Gosh this is hard, I remember feeling this way when DC were small. If reducing hours/commute etc to be able to be with them more is not an option then it needs to be a mindset shift.

The thing is…yes these early milestones feel big but they will always be doing new things and changing as they grow, and you’ll get to be part of that for soo many years! It doesn’t matter when their first time is, what matters is the first time with you and there will be so many firsts that you can be part of and witness yourself.

You are hugely special and central in your child’s life, yes as a working mum there will be time when you are away but it doesn’t change the fact you are important and the time you share together will be so special, and that’s what counts.

I never took any notice of milestones as such events are always the result of a gradual development rather than something that’s suddenly done for the first time so don’t focus on them. Enjoy your days off and holidays with your child. You are providing for them which is also very important. Be kind to yourself, you are doing the best you can.

@SparklingMetre Thank you so much for you advice and kind words. I do think I need to make a mindset change. Now I just need to figure out how to do that!

@Tourist29
Thank you so much for your advice. I actually never thought of it that way but you are so right it is that result of gradual development! This helps me change my perspective and mindset.