How to explain boundaries to a 4YO

[Maaofa4YO]

My 4YO has an ever increasing curiosity about body parts.
He has been trying to peek into my shirt , or during a play group lifting a girl’s skirt - thankfully she was wearing leggings due to weather. But he’s being very naughty off late. When I saw that during the play group I raised my voice enough that got his and other parents’ attention.

He is soooo obsessed with poo , wee and bum. I think some of it is down to his age.

Yesterday he said he wanted to pinch my breast. It was a first and I was shocked when he said that. If he’s learning all this in nursery or his own imagination. I am not sure.

I am trying to explain it gently that we don’t do those things. But it’s like talking to a wall.

It's a difficult one as part of it is natural curiosity and then it becomes more intriguing for them when we say that it's private etc.
I haven't had personal experience of this myself but if you have a look on Amazon or similar there are many books about what parts of our bodies are private and what parts are acceptable for others to see/touch.

Might be worth getting one of those and reading it to him casually at home for the message to go across in a different way?

I would say the poo/wee obsession is very normal for this age!

I don't think you should call it "naughty" or raise your voice. He's 4 and curious - its nothing more than that!
The book idea is a good one.
In the meantime if he does it again to someone at nursery, try to stay calm and walk him away saying "friend may not like you lifting her clothes... shall we play with this instead"...

Don't make it into a big thing

Maybe speak to nursery, they may have checklists/scales that they use to measure what’s a normal part of a child’s behaviour, curiosity v’s something to be concerned about.

Also look to the NSPCC as they have tools to help talk about boundaries.

id say from what youve described as very normal, but if your worried you can see what tools are out there.

We had worries about inappropriate behaviour from a boy in one of our DDs classes, the school showed us the safeguarding chart they use to check what’s normal childish behaviour for their age and what’s concerning.

I remember the boys in YrR & 1 being very poo obsessed and my dd thinking bum and farts were hilarious. I’ve also had upskirts and my top pulled to check out my breasts from all my DDs when they were little.

I tend to agree with don't make it a big thing, it usually makes them do it more if you do. My little girl is going through a stage of being very curious about the difference between boys and girls and finds poo talk hilarious. I do think it is perfectly normal and comes from nursery.

The PANTS campaign for the NSPCC is good and you can say his pants covered parts are private and so is the little girl's and so are yours and as a woman you have other private parts that are covered like your breasts.

Thank you all. I was trying to talk about “private” but he didn’t understand the word and DH commented saying I am talking too high level for him.

So I agree, I will get some books.

Thank you again.

We have My Body! What I say goes! by Jayneen Sanders @Maaofa4YO we've had it since my youngest was 2 and it's very child friendly. It's on Amazon but the link was too long so I've left it off.

Do you or DH (is DH his dad?) allow him to see you naked at all? Have you ever?
It seems he is extremely curious and I wonder if that's because he really has no idea what other people's bodies look like.

I disagree that you shouldn't make a big deal about lifting a little girl's skirt. That is absolutely not on, and he needs to learn that "we do not touch other people's knickers, skirts, dresses, trousers, shorts, or leggings/ we do not touch other people's bums/ we keep our hands to ourselves". He is old enough to understand all of that.

Yes of course at this age they can understand all of this, but there is a difference between shouting it across a play group and sitting down calmly and explaining it to them. Thats all I mean. The book is a great idea as can look through it and talk about it together.

I’m shocked you’re shocked that he said he wanted to pinch your breast, he’s tiny and curious and the meaning you might have taken from it he could never understand. Curiosity about their own and other people’s bodies at that age is completely normal, it’s not naughty. My 4yo asks to smell my bum every time I fart! When she’s angry tells me she’s going to do a poo on my head when I’m sleeping 🤣 I indulge all her fart/poo humour and laugh along with her cos I genuinely find it pretty funny but I also know it’s developmentally normal and she’ll grow out of it (and I know in 5 years time I might make a fart joke and she might roll her eyes and call me lame or something and I might miss the silliness!) she’s not curious about what my body looks like cos I walk around naked all the time so it’s normalised for her and she isn’t interested in my body because she’s seen it countless times. However I’ve taught her that her own and other people’s private parts are private and explained the meaning of the word. If your son doesn’t understand that yet he can’t be blamed for lifting the girl’s skirt but instead educated about what’s ok and what’s not ok.