1 year old concerning behaviour

[anxlousmummy]

Hi everyone , I am a first time mum to a 19 month old boy.

I don’t know if this behaviour is considered normal and if it’s a normal phase for a 19 month old? But I personally do feel concerned I would like advice and some reassurance if possible.

He slaps me and continues to do no matter how many times I tell him no, he kicks me, nips my skin and bites. He also spits at me and on the floor. He finds it all funny, he takes awful tantrums which I think is normal at this stage? But he will also do those things even when he’s happy he finds it quite funny.

he is very rough with our pet cat and always hits her! I’ve tried to teach him to pet her gently which he does sometimes but most the times he’s hitting her and will attempt to throw objects at her. (He finds this very amusing)

tonight he head butted me 3 times, the 3rd time I bust out crying because it genuinely hurt but also I couldn’t believe he kept doing it. It shocked me!

I get super nervous when other children are around as he will grab them , he loves being around other children and playing but he will sometimes pull at them.

I worry that it will continue or get worse , I worry it’s a sign of something? It’s quite upsetting and I really don’t know / think it’s normal.

any advise?

What do you do to manage the behaviour OP? How are you reacting?

Regarding the cat you need to not let him get close enough to hurt the cat, there’s no reason to allow that to happen, it’s incredibly unfair on the cat and dangerous for your baby.

he understands “no” so when he does something he shouldn’t I say no don’t do that , although he doesn’t understand I explain it’s not nice , I give “cross expressions” and I never laugh! As he finds it so funny.

I try to keep him away from the cat as much as possible but I want him to learn to be gentle also instead of avoiding the cat.

I have no advice on the behaviours I’m afraid OP, but I came on to say you need to re home the cat. It must be a very stressful environment for her.

At 1 you teach him to avoid the cat, it’s not a toy. The cat has welfare needs and can also harm your child. If you can’t do that then it would make sense to contact a rescue to rehome the cat

Yes definitely, I have made the decision if no changes in behaviour with cat I will need to rehome asap as it’s not fair on the poor cat.

he loves the cat and is always shouting her name and looking for her but unfortunately hits her and laughs! (I obviously stop him)

Just a more of solidarity: I have a two year old who has/had many of the behaviours you describe - particularly head butting / major tantrums / biting. He also finds it funny to bite us (mum/dad) and actively laughs sometimes. No real advice, although it’s definitely lessened slightly as he’s got older - I think a big part is the (normal) inability to manage their own emotions - and it seems for some children, this is just how it comes out. His speech was/is slightly behind too, so I also think not being able to communicate properly contributes. Hope you are doing OK though. It’s tough, and I sympathise, especially when there’s quite extreme violence, it can be really upsetting to deal with. Xx

Does he go to nursery at all? How is his behaviour there?

Is his dad around? How does he react when your ds hurts you?

The only thing that stops my ds from hurting me is his dad stepping in (or the threat of that) and also putting him in time out. Be firm with him. Remove him from the fun until he learns it's not OK to hurt others.

At this age I would be saying a firm ‘no, we need to be kind’ and putting him down or moving away from him if he’s hitting/headbutting. And then talk about kind/gentle behaviour when either of you are doing it.

He’s still a baby really, and I wouldn’t be too concerned as they are testing boundaries and grasping reactions at this age. But he does need to know what is positive and what is negative. I would ignore that laughing completely, keep the cat at a safe distance, and just hover like a madwoman when you’re at toddler group to check he’s playing nicely!

Not quite the same situation, as we don't have the cat all the time, but we visit my in-laws about once a year and they have a cat.

When he was 18mo DS was utterly hopeless with the cat. Wanted to chase it / grab it / squeeze it. Tried to kick it a few times (deliberately) and thought it was really funny when we stopped him and told him off. We mostly resorted to just keeping them apart because even with coaching on stroking gently, DS would get overexcited and try to grab the cat.

A year later aged 2.5 was a totally different story.DS mostly left the cat entirely alone, stroked gently a few times with coaching, loved seeing the cat play with toys, helped to give it treats. No inappropriate behaviour at all.

We had seen a few pets in the intervening year, but sometimes it just takes time to get a bit more mature and better at impulse control.