Still tears at nursery drop off 6 months on

[Blissfultiggy]

Has anyone got a toddler that just never settled at nursery?

My daughter started nursery 2 days a week at the end of September ( 23 months old when she started) and drop offs are getting worse not better. She’s screamed every single day going in. It started as we were entering the building, then it started in the car park, then on the road, now it starts as soon as she wakes up and realises it’s a nursery day.

I was expecting some upset but for it to be still getting worse 6 months down the line 🤯🤯 I feel like such a bad mam for still sending her, but I can’t afford to not work and keep her at home instead. She always seems happy once she’s settled, she’s always playing and smiling in the photos they send.

Has anyone else’s little one been this stressed about nursery? Any advice on helping her settle please?

She always seems happy once she’s settled, she’s always playing and smiling in the photos they send.

So she isn’t ‘unsettled’ there. She just does this at drop off. Focus on that.
Make drop offs as quick, fuss free and no nonsense as you can.

Thank you, she really does seem happy there and she adores the staff.

The whole morning leading up to drop off is crazy too, she won’t eat breakfast because she’s so upset so then I worry that she’s going to nursery hungry. It can’t be healthy for her getting herself this upset 😢

Oh, that is so hard, for both her and you!

Firstly, what do nursery say? They should be working with you on this. What is the actual handover like? How long do they say she takes to settle?

Do they give them breakfast or let you bring in breakfast? If so, I'd be inclined to make breakfast at home entirely optional for the moment to shorten the morning routine and reduce the stress.

What's she like on pick-up? If you come in quietly, is she happy and engaged? Does she seem to have a bond with the nursery staff?

DD cried at every drop off till the summer term of reception. Loved it when she was there but hated leaving me. She used to tell me off for collecting her too early which was wild given she'd be crying hysterically every morning.

They really sympathise and give her lots of cuddles to help her settle. I carry her in because she wants the cuddles, we have a brief kiss and cuddle and I ask her what she’s going to play with then pass her over to the member of staff, so it’s a fairly short handover because I don’t want to drag it out. She settles really quick, maybe 10 minutes, give or take.

they don’t give breakfast but they give a morning snack about 45 minutes after drop off then lunch and picky tea but she barely eats anything. She has a small appetite anyway but she eats even less at nursery. I do send snacks that I know she eats and they give those after lunch if she’s hasn’t eaten.

pick ups are lovely, she’s usually just finishing tea and she’s sat chatting away to her favourite member of staff at the table. She has a really lovely bond with 2 staff in particular and she always seems happy enough with the rest too.

At least you know she liked it there 😂

this gives me hope that it’s not going to be forever. Thank you

Hiya
My little one started nursery at 10 months old. For the first 2 months she only went in from 8am to 12pm, and she would get very upset at drop off and cry most of the 4 hours she was there. Some days she would be so unsettled that I'd have to go and pick her up early.

I changed her to full days and within 2-3 days she started to settle well after the initial drop off upset. A full year later she still got very upset at every drop off.
I tried everything, lots of cuddles before, not making a big deal of leaving, trying to take her in and stay until she settled, leaving without her noticing, lots of distractions, singing and dancing before going in 🤣 honestly the guilt was unreal.

The nursery was good but I moved and changed nursery.
She's been at this one for almost a year, and she only cried at drop off for 2 weeks. She absolutely loves going now and is very happy and excited at pick up.

I would say the biggest difference is first nursery you drop off at their room, so go in the building.
Current nursery, one of the staff collects the children at the main door and the children go into the building without you (you can go in if you want to, nothing to hide) and I think that was the game changer.

Fingers crossed she settles at drop off for you soon, I know how awful it feels leaving a screaming baby/toddler every day x

Similar to another poster, my daughter many years ago started on 2 mornings week and would be very upset, begging not to go. Once she started going more often, it became routine rather than a surprise for her and she settled much better.

My friends DS did what your daughter is doing, in one day he made a particular little friend & absolutely no bother after that!!

They were going to get married and adopt any unhappy children😂😂

They're still mates now, but at 19 both prefer girls and at the moment neither of them are giving sad babies a second thought!!

One thing often suggested that I haven't seen yet on this thread is to give her something 'important or valuable' (that actually isn't!!) to look after for you until you pick her up. It gives them more reassurance that you will be back to collect. It's worth a try.!!

Not sure if it’s an option but all of mine have cried when I dropped off but skipped in (probably an exaggeration !) for DH. They love him too but somehow the separation anxiety isn’t there in the same way.

My son went to a nursery for a year one day a week. He always cried at drop off. After a year I changed to another nursery where he's much happier.
Sometimes it's just not a good fit.

Does she settle quickly once you leave? I think that's the key thing. Listen to your gut though, and move her if necessary. Hopefully it'll stop soon, but I also know quite a few parents who have moved their kids and there is no crying at the new place. It could also just be a phase. Sorry, it's very hard to know and stressful. Hope things work out soon!

Just an update incase anyone comes across this thread with the same problem.

she’s made a couple of friends now and she’s a gem going in now, she loves going

Glad she has settled . My Ds cried every day at nursery drop off . It was an open plan nursery .. I got very upset at first but by the time he left . I could here he stopped once I was out of sight ..

however when he started reception - after settling in day where he was restrained so I could leave he never cried again … unless there was a drama or another.

I once went on a course with a creche for a term. Dd would cry from the minute she woke to going in. The only thing that kept me going was that literally five minutes after going in someone else would come into the course and tell me the staff said to pass on she was fine and playing happily. It was as if she gave up the battle once she knew she had to stay and then enjoyed it. I never worked out why she cried. In reception she used to run out of the classroom and across the playground after me but only for the first couple of weeks.

Glad she's doing better @Blissfultiggy !