Avoiding screen time when toddler is physically resisting tasks?

[MrsK1991]

My dd is 20 months and is headstrong. I don’t have an issue laying the ground rules, saying no, letting her have a tantrum or express her frustration 99% of the time, but my issue comes when she physically resists being put in the car seat, in the high chair or having her nappy changed. I know it sound stupid but she is STRONG and it feels like I need about 8 hands to hold her safely and put her into position and then either strap her in place or change her nappy. I’ve found literally no toy in the house is enough of a distraction during these times, but giving her my phone is like a magic calming button where I can then do what needs to be done and take the phone away after. But in general I want to avoid screen time while she’s so young and so I’m looking for advice of what I can do otherwise? I don’t always have the time to ride it for ages and ages, and I don’t always have the whole house to my disposal (eg when we’re getting back into the car after shopping) so what else is there other than screen time?

But now she’s learnt if she kicks up a fuss she gets the phone?

I would with the high chair try and pop her in she resists, take her out and ignore her behaviour, try again, out and ignore. She will eventually get hungry and want to sit and eat!

The car is a bit trickier as you need to be somewhere, so I’d allow some more time and can you ask her to get into the car seat and have a reward in this case, like a piece of chocolate or something special? For being helpful?

When she’s around I’d just have the phone in your bedroom or away, so at 20 months she doesn’t even know what a phone is? She’s seeing you on it maybe and thinking she wants to mirror your behaviour? Unless are you saying a 20 month old knows how to navigate and play games on an iPhone?

Recently published research indicates that giving very young children a phone to help regulate their emotions during a tantrum has the completely opposite effect and can cause more harn than good.
When mine were that age and similar behaviour wise I’d just get on with it.

A biscuit or other snack?

With my eldest however, who has always been extremely headstrong, I will admit to some times having had to put a quick cocomelon video on my phone for some nappy changes or teeth brushing. However now he's 6 the only screen time he has is TV now and then, so I don't think I've led him down any path with it. Just take it away when you're done so you're still in control.

Never, ever use a phone or screen to regulate their emotions.
It's part of their normal development to feel the frustration of these small events over and over and learn to deal with that feeling.

It'll pass.