Kids and phones, tips before we get them

[Reluctantadult]

Obviously been a lot about this in the press after the show adolescence, which I'm watching. I was concerned about phones anyway before this. Despite concerns we will probably get DD a phone shortly, for secondary school, and do recognise just how useful these mini computers are .

So what do I need to do in order to make it as safe and as non-addictive as possible?

Obviously we don't want kids on social media, I believe I can ban apps but I don't know how.
But what about just accessing the webpage for it? I know you can do this for Facebook but I don't know about Instagram or others?
What are the main ones kids go towards these days?
I would also ban YouTube but likewise it's on the website.
Do people set time limits on phones? How?
What rules do people have in the house? No phones in bedrooms? Hand them in at a certain time?
How do you keep them busy so they're off screens naturally as they get older? This feels easier for younger kids than teens!

My Dd got a phone last year as she started in year 7. We enabled the family link app which allows you to put time controls on the actual phone and also limits on home much time they can spend on specific apps/websites. My Dd is limited to an hour of YouTube for example. If they want to download apps they have on ask permission and I have to authorise (or not) on my phone. I can also see how long they've been on things and compare with previous days etc. it's not prefect but it does help. Even when the phone locks or they run out of screen time they can still phone a designated phone number (mine) if they need help.

I am more relaxed than some, but my rules are:
No phones at mealtimes
No phones in bedrooms overnight

Also, I very much agree with your last point about keeping them busy. My teens do lots of sport, music, meet their friends, work hard at school and have part time jobs. They don't have much time left for screen time!

When we set it up I limited it to 3 hours of use a day with specific limits for YouTube and character ai and a couple of other things. It's set to shut off automatically at 8pm and won't turn back on again until after breakfast. School lock phones away and give them back at home time. If ever they're ill or not at school I turn it off for school hours but that's just me.

It is easier to to relax rules later than to impose them later. So start firm as a condition of having a phone, and relax as you go, maybe on a 'trial 2 week basis' each time.

Make sure you set the account up as a child account. Then you can approve, or not, any apps they want to download.

At that age we had no phones until they were ready for school, at mealtimes or in their rooms at night.

The first phones that they had were really old and cheap, have a look at CEX. They were told that if they looked after the phone they could have a newer phone after a year. So far we’ve not had a list or damaged phone from either of them

Yes, you can access Instagram by just going to the website. It isn't quite as shiny / fun to look at though and a bit less addictive.

If it's for secondary school, check their policy. In the school where I work, smart phones were kind of essential as student used them for homework and in class. But SLT have recently banned them to dissuade them from having too much screen time. If my kids go to the school where I work, I think they'd be fine with a dumb phone

Look at lightphones/feature phones. They can do much more than dumbphones but avoid some problems of smartphones

My kids are 3 and 1 so I havent got a teenager yet but my plan is this: buy them a nokia until they get a job and can buy a smartphone themselves. That way I can contact them and they have a phone for emergencies but very likely will not get addicted to their phones as nokias are a bit boring, arent they 😂then when they make their own money - they can buy a phone. Their brains will have developed more by then and the addictive factor won't be such a danger. They can learn how to use computers by using tablets or actual computers at home, in the family room where they can be supervised.

Oh thanks, I will !

Light phones sound the same as dumb phones unless I'm missing something

I have an iPhone and my DD does too. I set her up as part of my family and use the parental controls to:
ban downloading of apps without my approval
ban removal of apps without my approval
set downtime so the phone is unuseable before 7am and after 9pm except to make calls to emergency contacts (me, her dad and her nana)
I have a list of websites she is allowed to browse and everything else needs approval
she can only contact people on her approved list
She needs my approval to add contacts to her list
I set the phone password and she does not have permission to change it.

shes only had the phone a couple of months so I’m starting with most restrictive and will release features over time.

I also set the expectation that I have full access to the phone and will check it regularly and it will be gone if she abuses the privilege of having it.

Before any of this we spend lots of time talking to her and explaining online safety.