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Original poster

Marernity Leave Opinions

31 replies

AliBaliBee1234 · 22/03/2025 20:00

I am due to go back to work full time after 6 months off. I have been employed at the company for 15 years.

My journey to being a mum didn't go to plan. I lost a baby in the second trimester in 2023 and had my rainbow in 2024 (my colleagues don't know about my loss)

Because of this and my age, I am planning a small gap (hopefully) between children. It's important to me that my daughter has a sibling. This is the reason for going back at 6 months - to ensure we're in a good financial position to do this.

I do fall pregnant usually very quickly although i'm aware that can change. But my plan is to return to work and around my childs first birthday, begin ttc baby number 2.

I don't do a role at work which can just be covered by anyone and it had to be absorbed by my team. Apparently they are very much looking forward to me being back.

My question is... is going back for under a year then announcing another pregnancy going to annoy people? What would you think? At the very least there will be gap of 15 months between mat leave.

I know some won't understand my anxiety about this but I am worried.

Thanks in advance.

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SpiraliserSardinePasta · 22/03/2025 20:08

I am sorry for the loss of your first baby and congratulations on your second DC.
I can understand your anxiety around how another mat leave may be perceived but you must do what is best for you, your partner and your family. Work can and will wait. Your team will manage and will be pleased for you and for your return the second time around. You are entitled to more than one maternity leave and it does not matter whether you take the next one quickly after you come back or not.

edited to say all the best with TTC!

HundredPercentUnsure · 22/03/2025 20:12

is going back for under a year then announcing another pregnancy going to annoy people?

Probably but what can they do eh 🤔

What would you think? I would think congratulations and good luck, and well done you for not forgetting to live your life. It's not all about work. Nobody dies thinking I wish I worked more.

I'm sorry for the loss of your first child 💐

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AliBaliBee1234 · 22/03/2025 20:14

Thank you both

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Amilliondreamsisallitagonnatake · 22/03/2025 20:14

I think its no one elses business. Ultimately it is such a tiny amount of time in a whole career

blackbadger · 22/03/2025 20:15

I'm sorry for your loss.
I had a baby in April-23, went back to work in April-24, and about to go off on mat leave at the end of April for baby due in May.
I completely understand the apprehension of having such a short gap between mat leave. I'm also in a role where mat leave cover isn't easily found due to niche area of work and essentially me being off massively affects colleagues.
My only advice is make the decision for your family, not work.
I was SO nervous about telling my boss, could tell there was some unspoken disappointment but equally that it was expected. I now don't regret the timing for a second, and I'm so glad we didn't wait.
I really think the nervousness of telling work is the worst bit, and once that's out the way then it's not issue.
Don't plan your family about what work think xx

Original poster
AliBaliBee1234 · 22/03/2025 20:16

Amilliondreamsisallitagonnatake · 22/03/2025 20:14

I think its no one elses business. Ultimately it is such a tiny amount of time in a whole career

Thank you. I have given this company my entire adult life and worked very hard. I'm just always so afraid of upsetting people (childhood trauma). I wasn't sure if 15 months is a relatively normal gap these days with people being a bit older.

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Original poster
AliBaliBee1234 · 22/03/2025 20:20

blackbadger · 22/03/2025 20:15

I'm sorry for your loss.
I had a baby in April-23, went back to work in April-24, and about to go off on mat leave at the end of April for baby due in May.
I completely understand the apprehension of having such a short gap between mat leave. I'm also in a role where mat leave cover isn't easily found due to niche area of work and essentially me being off massively affects colleagues.
My only advice is make the decision for your family, not work.
I was SO nervous about telling my boss, could tell there was some unspoken disappointment but equally that it was expected. I now don't regret the timing for a second, and I'm so glad we didn't wait.
I really think the nervousness of telling work is the worst bit, and once that's out the way then it's not issue.
Don't plan your family about what work think xx

Thank you, this is very helpful. I did wonder if short age gaps are much more common now but i'm in a very male donimated industry so not alot of maternity leave going on. Don't think that helps how I feel :(

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GiraffesAtThePark · 22/03/2025 20:24

Do what’s best for you. It’s pretty normal to have more than one children so it shouldn’t be unexpected that you’re off on maternity 15 months later. All the best x

Original poster
AliBaliBee1234 · 22/03/2025 20:27

GiraffesAtThePark · 22/03/2025 20:24

Do what’s best for you. It’s pretty normal to have more than one children so it shouldn’t be unexpected that you’re off on maternity 15 months later. All the best x

Thank you. I suppose most people take a year and i'm taking 6 months so i'm really just splitting my leave right 🤣🤪 x

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Upsetbetty · 22/03/2025 20:27

It’s no one’s business @AliBaliBee1234 you do you. We had a manager in work return from a just over a years mat leave and she was already 6 months pregnant. She did her wind up over 5 weeks (week1-1day, week2-2 days and so on) and then went straight into her wind down…there was nothing for her to do only attend meetings, no one cared at all, they were just happy to see her

Original poster
AliBaliBee1234 · 22/03/2025 20:28

Upsetbetty · 22/03/2025 20:27

It’s no one’s business @AliBaliBee1234 you do you. We had a manager in work return from a just over a years mat leave and she was already 6 months pregnant. She did her wind up over 5 weeks (week1-1day, week2-2 days and so on) and then went straight into her wind down…there was nothing for her to do only attend meetings, no one cared at all, they were just happy to see her

Thank you. This makes me feel much better xx

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ChristmasRager · 22/03/2025 20:31

Amilliondreamsisallitagonnatake · 22/03/2025 20:14

I think its no one elses business. Ultimately it is such a tiny amount of time in a whole career

This! It’s such a blip in the grand scheme of things and the law is on your side. Don’t give a second thought to what people will think and take whatever time you want to!

im so sorry for your loss X

blackbadger · 22/03/2025 20:36

@AliBaliBee1234 I have also had people days that often if you see yourself at the company long term there's something to be said for having the disruptive mat leave years in quick succession to "get it out the way"
I'm also in a fairly male dominated industry, in 7 years at my company of 80 people I was the third mat leave.
One thing that helped me get over my perceived initial awkwardness was when more senior colleagues (almost all male) who already have children congratulated me or mentioned the pregnancy I would ask out of interest what their children's age gap was....and from the older generation it was almost ALWAYS 2 years. I felt like it would proved a point to myself that this wasn't remotely uncommon...!

Original poster
AliBaliBee1234 · 22/03/2025 20:40

blackbadger · 22/03/2025 20:36

@AliBaliBee1234 I have also had people days that often if you see yourself at the company long term there's something to be said for having the disruptive mat leave years in quick succession to "get it out the way"
I'm also in a fairly male dominated industry, in 7 years at my company of 80 people I was the third mat leave.
One thing that helped me get over my perceived initial awkwardness was when more senior colleagues (almost all male) who already have children congratulated me or mentioned the pregnancy I would ask out of interest what their children's age gap was....and from the older generation it was almost ALWAYS 2 years. I felt like it would proved a point to myself that this wasn't remotely uncommon...!

Thank you! That's a very good point

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MarioLink · 22/03/2025 20:52

It is not up to your employer how you space your children. If anyone has a negative opinion they need to keep it to themselves. Having the maternity leaves close together will leave more uninterrupted years of your career after. Do what is right for your family; nobody would care how close together a male employee's kids were. We had a woman at my work come back to work already pregnant again! Then before we knew it she was off and back again and the mat leaves merged into one in our memories.

Original poster
AliBaliBee1234 · 22/03/2025 20:59

MarioLink · 22/03/2025 20:52

It is not up to your employer how you space your children. If anyone has a negative opinion they need to keep it to themselves. Having the maternity leaves close together will leave more uninterrupted years of your career after. Do what is right for your family; nobody would care how close together a male employee's kids were. We had a woman at my work come back to work already pregnant again! Then before we knew it she was off and back again and the mat leaves merged into one in our memories.

Thanks so much, this really does make me feel better.

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BlaBlaBla87436780087 · 24/03/2025 15:35

Hello! I would always say to people to think about themselves first. Work is just work - there are often things like job cuts, restructures etc which can be very sobering for people who feel they were very loyal etc but at the end of the day it is just work. You must always prioritise yourself and your health. Not selfish, just smart! Your company cannot penalise you for this legally and nor should they - it’s not personal. Hope this helps and congratulations :)

Original poster
AliBaliBee1234 · 24/03/2025 16:46

BlaBlaBla87436780087 · 24/03/2025 15:35

Hello! I would always say to people to think about themselves first. Work is just work - there are often things like job cuts, restructures etc which can be very sobering for people who feel they were very loyal etc but at the end of the day it is just work. You must always prioritise yourself and your health. Not selfish, just smart! Your company cannot penalise you for this legally and nor should they - it’s not personal. Hope this helps and congratulations :)

Thanks so much! I know in my head this is true. I'm just trying to guage the reaction of a shortish gap. I only took 6 months, never had a day off, am going back full time. Can anyone really be too disappointed? They have always looked out for me and treated me well, I think that's part of my problem.

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mindutopia · 26/03/2025 08:23

It’s fine. I mean it might annoy people. I do a similar role to you. My team was very annoyed that I got cancer and had to go on sick leave and eventually leave my role. So annoyed that they didn’t even acknowledge my leaving, no card, no gift, no thank you despite being there for years. 🤷🏻‍♀️

In the grand scheme, does it matter if they are annoyed? Do what is right you. You won’t be sitting around 20 years from now wishing you didn’t have your child because of your old work colleagues being a bit grumpy. That said, I think around the 2 year mark is a perfectly normal and expected time for having another baby.

Original poster
AliBaliBee1234 · 26/03/2025 11:50

mindutopia · 26/03/2025 08:23

It’s fine. I mean it might annoy people. I do a similar role to you. My team was very annoyed that I got cancer and had to go on sick leave and eventually leave my role. So annoyed that they didn’t even acknowledge my leaving, no card, no gift, no thank you despite being there for years. 🤷🏻‍♀️

In the grand scheme, does it matter if they are annoyed? Do what is right you. You won’t be sitting around 20 years from now wishing you didn’t have your child because of your old work colleagues being a bit grumpy. That said, I think around the 2 year mark is a perfectly normal and expected time for having another baby.

Edited

I'm so so sorry to hear that. I guess the reason I do feel so guilty is that they have known me since i was a teensger and are very good to me.

I'm very sorry to hear how you were treated.

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WannabeMathematician · 26/03/2025 12:00

A woman at my work did a years mat leave then came back 3 months pregnant. It been 15+ years (I think?) since she did that and it would have been bloody stupid for the company to care given how long she’s been here and how capable she is.

BuffaloCauliflower · 26/03/2025 12:04

It’s very normal. I had 11 months off with my first, then went on maternity leave for a year with my second 15 months after returning (26 month age gap) really don’t worry about it, take whatever maternity leave suits you and have whatever gap suits you. Who cares if it annoys people, you’re entitled to it and only live one life.

Parker231 · 26/03/2025 12:07

AliBaliBee1234 · 22/03/2025 20:14

Thank you both

My friend had her three boys within 5 years. She came back after a years maternity leave and then went off again. It impacted her career progression but she got her lovely family.
Good luck with your next baby.

savysaver23 · 26/03/2025 12:16

Its completely normal and happened twice in our company with only 15 employees. Me being one of them, was off December to September and when i came back i was 6 months pregnant already, also due to complications i had to finish end of November so i was only back for around 2 and a half months. People cope and companies are resilient. Good luck

ScaryM0nster · 26/03/2025 12:27

It’ll briefly frustrate a few people. But for almost everyone the ‘babies are cute and happy news’ thing will trump that temporary frustration.

One thing you consider is being relatively honest if the topic of a second comes up. The whole ‘no, not even thinking about it’ rapidly followed by ‘I’m pregnant again’ grates a bit. Whereas a vaguer ‘might be nice’ or even more positive ‘yes planning to’ will have people feeling less like they’ve been mislead. Not essential, but if that’s important to you it’s something to consider, and you’d feel like you were doing some about it.