Ex partner thinks I should stop co sleeping

[bigfacthunter]

I have DS (4) 90% of the time. He has his own room but refuses to sleep in it. I either have to sit with him in his own room until he drifts off until he wakes at 1am, shouts the house down and storms through to my bed. By now I’m just tired of the whole thing and I don’t even bother to put him in his bed. I think he’s so little, if he wants to sleep with me why not because before long he’ll be a teenager and not want to be seen dead with me.

My ex thinks I should be putting him to bed in his own bed, he thinks this behaviour is what makes him super clingy with me in general (I disagree, I think he’s “clingy” with me because he’s only four and I’m his caregiver for 90% of the time).

what do you think? Should I go back to trying to put him to bed? I’m so exhausted at the thought of it, the last four months or so is the first unbroken sleep I’ve got in almost 5 years. But maybe I am not doing us or him any favours.

None of your ex's business.
Only tell him vital info in future.

Do what works for you and DS.
Ex isn't part of your household, so he doesn't get to dictate how you run it.

Totally normal and in many societies is the norm, rather than separate rooms. If it’s working for both of you, why change it? If your ex wants to improve his relationship with his child, he absolutely should work on that, but that’s not up to you - he has to do it (much easier for him to blame you, than take responsibility himself).

I think it's fine as you're single. I personally wouldn't allow it if not - from a practical perspective there's just not enough space IMO and I wouldn't be able to sleep.

If you and your son are both getting a full night's sleep you're doing it right.
I'd go vague on your ex. Don't argue, don't defend yourself. Don't even spell out what exactly your sleeping arrangements are.
"Yes, learning to self soothe for sleep is important" or something similar, every time sleep comes up. Then drop it.

I co sleep with a 6yo (through necessity, he's been sleeping through less than a month) and a 3yo who I couldn't kick out because of her big brother and because she's still breastfeeding!

Nothing wrong with co sleeping if it means you get to sleep. You know, so you can work, run a home, and be a good parent. It's not like you'll be co sleeping forever, and you'll miss the snuggles!

It’s none of his business. My son co-slept on and off for years. I was a tired single paren needing to get up for work. They grow out of it.

This is good advice. Yes - he is sleeping in there more. No argument. Whatever.

I had exactly this. DD went though so much upheaval, she found the split hard (not helped by XDH making some spectacularly selfish decisions) and wanted to sleep in with me every night that she was with me. I saw it as completely normal and helpful in making her feel more secure and safe in a situation where her whole world has blown up

XDH did not approve because he expected DD to behave like a robot on his nights and happily trot off to bed on her own so he could get on with his evening. That fact that she didn’t, and was showing (gasp) normal emotions and needing reassurance was obviously all my fault

He was a controlling twat in other ways too. I just did what another PP suggested and gave him very vague answers. No way was I going to go against my instincts as a mother just because he had a tantrum about it. 3 years on and DD8 sleeps 95% of the time in her own bed.

Completely normal at that age to want to sleep near his mummy. It’s one of those things where it’s not hurting anyone, he’ll grow out of it at some point and it doesn’t seem to be directly affecting your ex so he needs to pipe down.

My better half thinks its better DD (4yo) sleeps alone. I tend to agree 3 in a bed is too many! When my wife is away DD jumps in bed with me. Thats also fine.

Does it actually matter? There’s a lot more madness going on during the day to worry about! Do whatever you think is best. Your sleep is more important than pretty much anything I reckon!

Totally agree, I would never have a new partner stay over while DS is here.

I mean TBF we do have a very solid routine. It just revolves around sharing the same bed 🙂

Your Ex Partner doesn't get to dictate who sleeps where under your roof. Years of co sleeping under my belt, and I don't regret any of it. DC perfectly well balanced humans and all in their own beds now without any drama, you do what feels right for you and fuck him and his opinion off where it belongs.