Help! 5 year old behaviour

[whoopdedooo]

I’m looking for advice/support around my DS behaviour.

I’m not sure what the cause is but I find him to be exceptionally difficult to deal with atm and his behaviour only seems to be directed towards me.

getting him to do anything is a huge struggle. But only with me. Never with DH or other adults.

last night he didn’t want the first bath so when it was his turn he didn’t want a bath. Then he doesn’t like water, doesn’t want to get undressed. Doesn’t want to me to wash him.

then he won’t get out of the bath and sat in there crying and shouting at me to leave for 20 minutes but then cries when I left the room to get his pjs.

in the end I had to remove him from the bath at which point he cried because he doesn’t want to get out.

this morning he doesn’t want to get dressed, doesn’t want go to school, doesn’t want to brush his teeth. This is all done while screaming, shouting, slamming doors and running away from me.

I managed to dress him and brush his teeth but he’s shouting and fighting me the whole time. I coaxed, bargained, was soft/strict all to no avail.

in the end he and my eldest DC were late for school.

im absolutely drained. Two hours of fraught negotiations this morning after the same last night and the same to look forward to this evening has me completely worn out.

i feel he manages to make the simplest task as difficult as he possible can and there’s always a gripe regardless of what we’re doing.

what am I doing wrong? He never behaves like this for DH. I feel like he really dislikes me. Help

Pick your battles. If this is new, I would guess that he is struggling with processing something and is acting up because of it.

Has anything changed recently or is he always like this?

I would just ask him to do the absolute minimum. Does he actually need a bath every night? Would every other night work? Could he have a shower or flannel wash instead?

Teeth is non negotiable but what would happen if you took him to school in pyjamas?

Also. Kids are the most horrible to the people they trust the most because they know you won't reject them even if they are horrible.

Is your DH much stricter about bathtime and so on?
What is the difference?

Is this recent behaviour?

Often kids behave worse when they feel ‘safer’. Could it be that? You are his safe person?

There’s something called ‘pathological demand avoidance’. Might be worth looking it up to see if it rings any bells.

the I hate school thing is new but there’s no reason for it as far as I can see. He has a small class with lots of friends and a lovely teacher.

He’s always been more inflexible than our other DC but it’s really ramped up recently.

in terms of bathing I’d be happy to not bath him every night but then he’ll just move on to something else like I don’t want to wear pjs or go to bed.

when he refused to have a bath previously I put him in bed and he got up later and screamed and cried that we hadn’t bathed him!

I know he’s small and it’s not intentional but it honestly feels like he looks for any thread he can pull on to cause an issue.

and thank you it’s good to know he doesn’t do it because he dislikes me

How was your relationship with him before he started acting up? How many siblings does he have? Is his Dad very present in day to day care? Has he just started school this year?

It sounds like he is really tired and that is making him cross about everything. Is he better during school holidays?