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Should we relocate to be near to family/friends? Wwyd?

9 replies

AquaSwan · 21/03/2025 07:32

Partner, 20 month old daughter and I have built a nice life in south wales, we both have decent jobs in the nhs, bought a house etc. my partners family are in south wales but we don’t see them very often and they don’t provide any support (not that I’d expect them to) and it is mostly us who make the effort to see them. I have made a few friends but don’t see them often and wouldn’t describe them as close.
There are a lot of positives living here, low cost of living (relative to other areas of UK), lovely beaches/nature, but I feel like somethings missing.

I have a large close friendship group where I’m from, and there are all having/have kids a similar age to my daughter. I’m also close to my mum who is amazing and would definitely provide support if we lived closer.

Should we upend our current life to move back to my home town? It’s around 5 hours drive from where we are now so don’t get back very often.

It’s a huge decision, we both would need new jobs (which may also mean taking a pay cut), stress of selling/ buying a new house (and it’s more expensive area so would probably have to compromise on a smaller house/garden or worse area) and we’d have to move back in with my mum temporarily which would be a pain.

I think it’s the right think to do long term and that we will be happier, but It feels like a big risk and I’m terrified after all that I’ll regret the decision.

Partner is on board but it’s definitely me driving the decision and he would happily stay where we are.

I just think it is only going to get harder once daughter is in school etc so better to do it sooner.

The other option would be to move to a more lively area locally, as we semi rural with very little around. It would be easier as could keep jobs etc but that maybe just delaying the inevitable…

Interested to know what others would do, or if anyone has done similar and regretted it?

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Tumbler2121 · 21/03/2025 07:38

How long have you been away?

Don’t bank on your friends and family in your home town giving you a ready made social and support life. When you go there now you are a visitor and people make time for you, I guess it’s not unlike when people want to move to a place they’ve been on holiday!

DustyLee123 · 21/03/2025 07:41

It’s hard to compare visiting with actually living there. Don’t bank on friends and family, anything could happen to change what is there now. If those people weren’t there, would you still want to be there, more than where you are now?
But if you are going to go, do it before she starts school.

Buttonknot · 21/03/2025 07:45

In the circumstances you describe I think I would move. I know it's a big step but having my mum's support was so important when I had young DC.

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AquaSwan · 21/03/2025 07:50

thanks for replying, I’m not worried about the people- we keep in touch a lot now and I know I would see them (although I know it is different when visiting compared to day to day life), I see all the events and meet ups I currently miss on our group chats! We’ve been away 6 years, lots of people have left and then are now coming back in that time.

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Xmasbaby11 · 21/03/2025 07:56

I would move back, as long as your lifestyle (house and income) isn’t compromised much. If you’re both up for up and no strong ties to where you are, it sounds like a positive move. And best to do it sooner while your dd is so young. It’s lovely living near family and friends.

Crapola25 · 21/03/2025 08:21

I would crunch the numbers and see if you can make it work. But on the other hand I also have friends who left London, moved back home with kids for the same reasons and then fell out with family or found that actually the extra help they thought they'd get with childcare didn't materialise and they only see their friends once every 2 months because everyone has kids and is busy.
I moved abroad 5 years ago and it's taken 5 years to establish a friendship group and that became alot easier once my son started going to creche and then preschool. You meet alot of people that way. Your weekends will soon revolve around playdates and new friends. So I think you have to weigh it all up, attach weight to different things, work out what's most important. I miss my mum too back home but I think we would drive each other nuts if we saw each other all of the time. And my only reason to move back to my home town would be my family but if they weren't there I wouldn't want to live there so I'm staying put for now.

BettyOBarley17 · 21/03/2025 10:25

Oh that's hard as it's such a distance. My experience might give you some more to think about.
We moved to S Wales where I'm from and have friends who were also in the same life stage who I text regularly but we never fit back into each others lives how you'd imagine (but we're the next town along so 40-odd minute drive). My mum is rarely available for childcare as my sister needs it more than I do (unspoken agreement that she will repay it as my mum ages!). We have resigned ourselves that his family will only visit once in a blue moon (it's been 7 years) though were only 2 hours away. When the cousins were all babies I wanted to be closer but as they hit pre-teen they are all becoming less close as they're very different people. @
This week I got to go see a show at the WMC without it being a big overnight thing. Then last night we took the kids (5&2) after school to Barry Island where they played in the sand for ages before having fish and chips at sunset - perfect family memory. Next weekend I'm going for bottomless brunch with my NCT mates, again close to home and I can get a bus back. My kids get to do all sorts of activities because we live in an area with lots of variety AND the cost of living makes it affordable.
We talk about moving locally or further afield but it's true now one has started school I'm very reluctant.
Your priorities and circumstances will be different to mine of course but maybe food for thought!

AquaSwan · 22/03/2025 11:43

Thanks for replying! Lots of think about…

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autisticbookworm · 22/03/2025 11:46

I would move it sounds like your quality of life would be better

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