can’t leave the house with toddler

[BlueLemur22]

My son turned 2 in October and ever since it’s been hell. We had our daughter in November 24 and he adores her, but his behaviour is dreadful.

He refuses to go in the pram and will kick scream and hit and will throw his head around so much, constantly banging it. He even tries to go for the baby when in the pram. We have tried walking with him but he throws himself to the ground and will keep on trying to hurt himself. It’s really upsetting and we feel trapped in the house all day. He had a speech delay and only started speaking around christmas time so we weren’t sure whether it was to do with this as he can’t yet tell us how he feels. When he doesn’t get his own way, he will constantly throw his head back and hit his head and nursery have picked up on this to. He attends nursery Monday-Wednesday and I feel as if I have to cram everything into those three days before i’m trapped inside the house again. I was in a terrible car accident when he turned 1 as was in a coma for a couple of months, so I don’t know if this has affected him at all. During this time my husband and my mum cared for him.

Please if anyone has any tips then let me know, it’s really effecting us mentally. We constantly play with him and give him so much attention and include him with the baby.

You should ask MN to move this thread to Parenting.

Strap him in the pram and put baby in a carrier

How do you physically get him to nursery?

to get him to the nursery my partner drives him even though it’s a 10 minute walk from our house and getting him into nursery he throws himself to the floor

That sounds so tough to navigate, especially with a new baby in the mix. Is the pram refusal the main problem? Or is it behaviours outside of the house?

If it's the pram, what type do you have? If it's stacked, have you tried the side by side ones? My toddler likes them better. Or one of the baseboards to stand on, or seats that clip behind the buggy?

When my toddler refuses, I give them snacks that take ages to eat, e.g. raisins or Cheerios, in a cup to bribe them.

'He refuses to go in the pram and will kick scream and hit and will throw his head around so much, constantly banging'

Sounds like he's gone through a huge amount of upheaval in a very short time and might be feeling quite pushed out.

I would be doing as much one on one time with him as possible (ie when baby can be with her dad or another grown-up). And would consider reducing his nursery days temporarily.

Do nursery every take him on walks?

Sounds hard OP and is likely related to the new baby arriving. As others have said, maybe try a different type of buggy or a buggy board for the novelty factor. Or one where he can pedal himself but you can push it too.

Otherwise, this is when bribery is totally justified.

Poor you OP. I'm sure he really missed you when you were so unwell, and perhaps is now grieving your relationship all over again as you learn to navigate sharing your time between the new baby and him. We're going through something similar with our toddler, and I'm amazed how much it's affected our DD's behaviour.

Try and carve out some 121 time between the two of you if you can (without the baby), love bomb him, and reinforce that you still care for him as much as ever. That reassurance can go a long way. Also recommend reading the Colour Monster, and other books about big feelings, to help him understand a little more about the way he's feeling.

No miracle cure, and look at improvements across the weeks / months, but I'm sure little steps like the above could help a bit.

He's not 'trying to hurt himself'

He's just a toddler

I find with my 2 year old there’s a need not being fulfilled when he is playing up. Also has a baby sister born in the month he turned two.
try and figure it out, it may not be that, but worth trying.. hunger, tired, attention

He's probably missing attention from you since the new baby arrived. Does he get much 1-1 time alone with you? How much has his routine changed?

Two is a difficult enough stage, don't blame yourself.

Could you try a back carrier for him? There’s lots of different styles to help with the weight

I second a back carrier for him. One for older children. Not sure what’s best these days but 5-10 yrs ago it was the ergobaby 360 or you could get structured wraps if you can be bothered to learn how to use them.

if he is in the back carrier and the baby in the pram then he will feel as if he is getting the attention rather than the baby. The motion is very soothing for them to be on your back as well. And the view is more interesting than down in a buggy

Is he happy at nursery OP? If not then I'd be taking him out. It sounds like you really need a break from him, but at the same time he really needs you. If he has to go somewhere then maybe a childminder would suit him better.

Between the speech delay, really challenging behaviour and the head banging I'd be wondering about ASD. It might not be of course as he is very young still but definitely worth keeping in mind.

MN don’t tend to be hugely sympathetic to ‘struggling with first child when I have a new baby’ threads, as some replies show.

It is a really tough age, OP, and the speech delay is probably leading to a lot of frustration. I think my best suggestion is possibly driving to places like toddler groups or playgrounds where it’s enclosed.

I found my son an absolute nightmare in the first few months after having my DD, he is four now and lovely (but now DD has started 😅)

I think the two options might be:

• baby in carrier and strap him into pram
• baby in pram and toddler on buggy board

My first DS was 2.5 when his baby brother was born and he hasn’t really been in the pram since then. The buggy board has been amazing and as he’s got older he’s also got more into his scooter too so can scoot along beside us.

You are the adult, strap him in the pram!