Am I doing it all wrong or does it get easier?!

[acupofteamakeseverythingbetter]

I have an almost 3 year old and an almost 9 month old. I’ve had a few comments and looks from my parents and others and I think they think I’m too soft with DS and his behaviour. Maybe I am? Comments such as I’m making a rod for my own back, give him a clip round the ear (they’re only half joking). Or comments like, what’s it like having boys? To which I reply honestly and say it’s a bit chaotic at times. Or they will say
boys are so different to girls… My DS is a boisterous boy but also he’s a toddler and they don’t have perfect behaviour. MToday for example he was running away in the supermarket. I caught him and crouched down and told him firmly he mustn’t run away otherwise we will have to leave. Which I absolutely do and have done in the past if he continues. Do people seriously expect me to hit or shout at my child if they are not behaving? What should I do differently in these situations? There are other times when we’re out all day and he walks absolutely fine next to the pram.

If he wants something such as a toy I will say no and that’s that. If he wants a snack but dinner is almost ready I will say no and that’s that.

when it’s just me and the children he’s so well behaved but when we are with others he just goes a bit feral. And it seems the more it tell him off the more he does it. Anyone have any words of wisdom or advice?

At home I make sure he says please and thank you, takes turns playing, puts his rubbish in the bin, tidy his toys away, we always sit at the table for mealtimes etc but I still feel like I’m doing him a disservice in some way. He has plenty of chance to exercise and run around at the park, etc but he’s a toddler and so has lots of energy. Please help

People love to comment on other peoples kids. Especially all the “wrongs” we as parents are doing. Follow your instincts. Shouting and hitting is not helpful. Keep firm boundaries - which it seems you are doing already and consistency is key. Mine are older now. It gets a bit better until they hit teenage years and then worse again! 🤣. Hang in there. Parenting is a roller coaster. You’re doing great!

Mine was generally very well behaved but i remember the one time he played up in a supermarket and I immediately got comments! 'I can see who's in charge there' I think was one. You'd have thought I was stood there handing him new toys and packets of sweets rather than just waiting for him to calm down so I could speak to him. Honestly people are just always desperate to feel superior.

Ignore all the sexist crap about boys being "boisterous" and somehow essentially different to girls, it's disappointing that people still persist in pushing this idea that it's ok for boys to be badly behaved.

From what you're saying, I can't tell who is commenting on your parenting. Of course you shouldn't be hitting or shouting, it's ineffective and usually a sign of having lost control or having limited capacity to parent. If it's strangers and acquaintances commenting, just totally ignore. If it's family or close friends, then it's more of an issue, but I would just respond with "that's not how we parent" and then move on.

What you're doing sounds fine. All I would say, is that when he is with other people and gets "feral" whatever that means, it may help to be clear about expectations and consequences beforehand and then follow through.

It gets harder quite honestly. We are all just doing our best, you included.

It’s really hard to hear people’s opinions/criticisms. Just don’t respond. If they say ‘you are making a rod for your own back’ or ‘don’t do that like that’. Just completely ignore it - do not engage.

It's hard juggling more than one, for sure! If noone has told you today, you're doing a good job. 💪

And it seems the more it tell him off the more he does it. This bit stuck out to me, sounds like attention seeking behaviour, particularly as you say it's when you are with others that this happens. When it's just you and your 2 kids, he gets a lot more of your attention than when there are others around too. Does that sound like it might be it?

I think the simple fact you are asking shows you are parenting him reasonably. You don't sound permissive and have expectations of him. My brother was a handful as a toddler but straightened out at school!