Hi, I have a 2 year old boy saddly his Dad passed away when he was a baby. So im a single parent but very very fortunate to have an excellent support network with my Mum who stays with us at night, she works throughout the day so we have the day without her and usually see her late/ afternoon early evening.
Im after some non judgmental advice please, I feel that he struggles massively with attachment. Im looking at it like he has two Mother figures and a Nan in one which is confusing for him, the three of us do spend a lot of time together although he definitely knows I am his mother, but its like sometimes if we are seperating ie to go shopping its like he wants us both and doesnt know which one to go he cries he wants Nanny goes with Nanny then is screaming he wants Mummy when we split ie I stay in the car . I do most of the care since im with him all day (not currently in work but he does have a great social life we are always busy, visit fun places, visit friends and cousins and he will have time away from me ie grandparent for an hour or so or visit my siblings home with their children) but then obviously she helps out with bits like Nans should and would do ie bathing on a few occasions, nappy changes etc. Iv noticed he gets very stressed when I leave (im having to sneak off, its practically impossible to say ill be back as he has an absolute meltdown and is sick where he cant cope and believe me iv tried and said everything possible to help this) so now I casually sneek off as this is the only thing im able to do as my Mum distracts him which is absolutely fine however sometimes he realises I have gone and again goes into meltdown mode screaming for me to the point he is sick. He does however eventually calm down.
now heres where it confused me. Once a week his other grandparents visit for an hour or so so I can run errands and he is absolutely fine with them!! This is likely because he has their total attention and the time is spent fun and playing, they said he does ask for me but isn’t distressed and when I come back he barely acknowledges my presence yet if I was to do this with my Mum he runs and is either excited or has burst out crying . I dont understand this as he doesn’t see them that often you would think with my Mum he would be like this as he is with her so much but not the others but I suppose ots the “novelty” of the other grandparents.
next I have started him in nursery just 2/3 mornings a week for 2 hours and he is horrendous as you can imagine and just isnt settling. He is 1-1 with his key worker who is trying her damn hardest he wont even engage in any activities just cries the whole time wanting to go home . I say im coming back I try to make it sound so fun when we are on out way but he is screaming the place down its been like it for weeks we have tried half hour only and trying to build this up then an hour even the 2.5 but its impossible, when he sees me when I pick him back up he screams for me as he is so overwhelmed. I feel this is only adding to all of his attachment issues I feel he is experiencing and making everything 1000x worse I feel so beyond cruel putting him through this but im only trying to help him and trying to reduce the clingyness as much as I can. He is a lovely boy with lovely playing skills he plays lovely in thr house, he loves the outdoors he loves playing with cousins and friends so I really just dont know what to do or how to manage him.
I definitely feel there are som issues with attachment.
any advice is really appreciated