Overwhelmed

[Mamaxo]

Baby boy is 3.5 months and everytime I put him down he cries and cries and screams, I have another child who’s autistic and a partner who works shifts, I have 0 village or support system I just feel like I’m drowning. Does it get better? Any advice at all? Please no horrible comments I’m trying my best

Can you get a sling and carry him sometimes so you don’t need to put him down? How old is your older child? Do they go to nursery or preschool etc? It’s so hard. You have my sympathy! I remember sleep training my eldest and he would scream the house down until I ultimately gave in and let him sleep next to me so I could get a few hours! It will come to an end at some point. Keep trying putting him down for longer periods before going back to him. Have you got plenty of mobile / visual toys in his cot or play pen?

My daughter was like this. I only had her but it utterly broke me and I developed severe treatment resistant depression and ended up in a mother and baby unit. The psychologist identified how the early months were a catalyst for my episode. This was during the pandemic so I had nobody. She cried for 16-20h a day and was in my arms for 23h a day. I was totally touched out.
She was getting treatment for a bit of reflux with gaviscon and low dose omperazole. At 17 weeks we saw a paediatrician for something else and he identified severe silent reflux and suggested it wouldn't hurt to explore food allergies although thought it was unlikely....she had 20! We noticed a difference in a few weeks although it took quite a while to get a good handle on the allergies and reflux.

@blackandgold88i can’t seem to get the sling on properly, she’s 4 so she’s in school, he sleeps in the night in the cot and is pretty decent it’s the day he’s a nightmare just finding it hard as I’m up from 4am with them days and my partners not home till 8pm so all day it’s just on me with not a moment break x

Try:

baby swing
sleep with some sheets or muslins so they have your smell on them and put him on them
warm the area before you put him down

@Superscientistsorry to hear that, I can understand it tho I feel broken, I don’t even feel human anymore. I’m severely touched out and already on antidepressants, when my partners with us it’s so much easier as we can tap in and tap out but when he’s in work it’s just me from 4am-8pm and during the nights if they wake, it’s killing me, I’m not enjoying this stage at all but I know it will pass but my god the days are loooong. He’s already being treated for a cows milk allergy and reflux, just praying it gets easier as he gets older x

@Octavia64thank you, he sleeps pretty decent in the night it’s the days, he wants to be glued to me 24/7 even if I put him down to pee he’s screaming purple. I can’t see to get the sling right the stretchy one, and as I’m plus size most slings that clip together don’t fit me x

How are they being treated? My daughter has particularly stubborn reflux and only responds to the maximum dose and needs 3 medications to manage it!

Is there a sling library near you? Or some will discuss with you online what might suit and post one for you to try. Some will help you with your own sling, or maybe something like a ring sling might work?

@SuperscientistPrescription milk and gaviscon, he’s better in my arms just hates going down lol x

@skkyelarkthere isn’t one near me sadly xx

Would you consider trying postal hire? I hired a toddler sling from the Glasgow Sling Library to try before buying our own, and it was posted out to me, and then I just posted it back at the end. The hire included a free zoom call on how to use it, check fit, etc. I knew what I wanted to try, but I'm sure most libraries would be willing to discuss what might suit before you hire something to try.

Also, is he any better put down somewhere reclined, like a bouncer or the buggy seat (If you have one that goes flat enough to be okay for this age)? My second had bad reflux, and having the bouncer (a secondhand baby bjorn, very easy to wash!) and a carrier were essential to my sanity.

What milk is he on? If he's not on an amino acid one such as neocate or alfamino it might still be reacting to the milk proteins in the formula. The extensively hydrolysed formulas are still dairy based just partially broken down which is enough for some babies to still react

I would be going back to the drs about trialling omperazole, it reduces the amount of acid the stomach produces. Not being able to put him down to me would suggest there's a silent reflux problem and it might be time to try the next step in reflux management which would be a ppi either omperazole or lansoprazole.