Would you leave 22 month old for 2 nights?

[EvelynSalt]

I’ve been asked by work to run a project from an overseas office for a couple of days. It will mean I need to spend two nights away from home and I’m really torn up about it.

DH is fine with being the sole parent but I feel really guilty and worried that it will negatively affect DD at this age for her not to see mum for so long. She’s still breast fed at night before bed but we were planning to wean her in summer anyway, so this trip will involve me being away and also stopping breastfeeding.

Am I overthinking? Or would you be pushing for someone else to go?

She will be fine

I think you are overthinking. You can express your milk and you've someone trusted to look after her. She'll be fine.

Put it this way - if you needed minor surgery you'd possibly be away for the same length of time. You do need to work and it's a small portion of the week away. See it as an adventure.

having read the 7 year old at a spa day thread, and the one about the year 6 (?) school residential trip and parents booking into hotels nearby so their DC won’t have to spend a single night away from them after doing daily activities, I can honestly say it really does dc no favours to not be able to cope without you for a night or two.

She will be fine. I went back to work when DT’s were six months old and my job involved regular travel. You aren’t abandoning her - she will be with her father.

I went away for a couple of nights when my (breastfed) baby was younger than that (he was around 18 months I think). It was fine - everyone survived, no lasting trauma. (and he had a massive feed when I got home to make up for me being away!).

Funny story - my DH was away for work at a conference. When he returned, we went to the crèche to pick our son up. He was around 2 years old then. He broke into a smile when he saw DH and shouted 'Daddy' excitedly. And then remembered Dad had been away for four days and pouted, turned away and gave him the cold shoulder for a few minutes. Then back to normal. Even the crèche workers giggled - twas funny.

She'll be fine, honestly.

Ok thank you, I really needed some balanced views! She loves her dad and he’s encouraging me to go. I’ve just been feeling really guilty about it. She’s my first child so I have no baseline, sort of feeling my way through the whole work/life balance thing at the moment!

She’s with her dad
they’ll be fine and so will you
it could well help with the weaning as well - I fed my DD until she was a toddler so being away can help gently break that feeding pattern

Of course I would, without a second thought. DH and I are equal parents, and still human beings with other responsibilities, wants, and needs.

I find ‘mum guilt’ threads really annoying, sorry. As an emotion, it’s a massive waste of time and energy.

I used to love going away with work when the kids were younger as I didn’t have to do the mundane bath time, cooking tea, stressful school run. It was like a mini holiday as I only had to look after me! (Mainly overnights couple of times a year - sometimes a little longer)
as the kids got older, I think it taught them planning and resilience as I wasnt there to remind them about school things (eg have they remembered their PE kit, cooking ingredients, etc).
20 years later, my DC don’t seem to have turned out too badly and don’t tell me that they experienced trauma at all - so Yes your child will be fine 😁

Yea she will be fine & you will enjoy a break. I know it feels hard but finishing work & just having to think about yourself will be a nice treat. Hope you are off to somewhere sunny

Will it negatively affect her? No absolutely not. In fact it will be a great opportunity for her to have lots of 1 on 1 time with her Dad. They will likely both enjoy it. It’s a positive thing.

When my children were 1, 3 and 5 I went to a wedding in California, I was gone a week. We couldn’t afford for all of us to go, so I went on my own. I FaceTimed every morning and every evening. The kids had a wonderful time with their Dad, my husband really enjoyed the extra time with the kids, I had a great time at the wedding.

I left my 5 month old daughter with my grandparents for a week while we went on a ski holiday - yes, awful parents I know but my choice! I was still breast feeding but she was used to using a bottle of expressed milk and I tried her with formula as well to check she would take it. While I was away I expressed a few times a day and when we got back I was able to continue breastfeeding until she was weaned.

I'm going to a conference in two weeks' time, baby (10m) will be apart from me for three nights. Later on the year, my DP will do the same. It hasn't even crossed my mind that this will be an issue, some times parents need to be away from home.

I left my 9 month old to go on a 3 night hen weekend, and the real shocker is I didn't even feel guilty about it lol. I had a great weekend away, and my daughter enjoyed some bonding time with her dad. When I got home I went back to being a mum. Literally nothing bad will happen if you leave your DC, I promise :)

With her Dad, for work purposes, absolutely. And I did (for more than 2 nights).

No need to feel guilt at all. You are allowed to be a seperate human being not just your DDs mother. Her father is entirely capable of looking after her and it will give a great opportunity for weaning. Two nights is nothing to worry about . I hate that so many mothers are victim to this Mum guilt. Not fair and not right. Please go and even try to see if you can include some time todo something nice for yourself.

Yes I would. Hell I went on a girls weekend when one of mine was 6 months old.
It’s good to spend time away from them, good for you and for them in the long run. I read threads on here about people whose dc are teenagers and have never spent a night away from them and it makes me shudder. Being a parent has been my favourite thing ever but it’s not my whole personality and only role in life.
And I’ve never felt a second of guilt for needing more in life. Your job is presumably fairly important to you, you should go.

I went away for multiple trips from 2-4 nights when my son was 11-16 months old. Stopped breastfeeding when he was 16 months old. My milk actually stopped at 16 months after a 2 night trip away, but we were down to once a day by then, I didn't express while I was away, and I was 4 months pregnant.

With my daughter, I had one night away when she was about a year old, and had multiple trips ranging from 2-4 nights when she was 16-24 months old. She's now 26 months old and I am still breastfeeding. The last couple of trips I didn't even bring a pump with me, just hand expressed a bit of milk each time I showered.

TLDR: it's fine to go away, and doesn't have to mean the end of breastfeeding unless you want it to.

Of course. Why wouldnt you?

You will get lots of different answers. Some people wouldn’t dream of it, some would enjoy it. Do you want to do it though? Forget what anyone else thinks. If the answer is yes then great, if it’s no then push for someone else to do it.

It’ll be fine. Do it!