Socially awkward reception aged child mum here!

[energywavering]

At what age do you no longer need to stay at parties and drop and run at the school gates? I’m guessing Junior school for the latter? And maybe year 2 for the parties?

Hopeful bump!

Age 6 for parties. They have to be year 6 where we are to walk home alone but it varies round the country I think. I feel your pain.

We haven't had loads of parties this year but the one at the beginning of the year (y2) all the parents stayed. But it's probably area-dependent.

We drop at the gate from Y3 onwards.

I think it depends on the child too. I've seen confident children dropped off at class parties from year one so five years old (obviously with permission from their party child's parents that that's okay). But mine have always been clingy and wanting me to stay at that age.

Thanks.
would you say it’s important to engage with other parents or the DC suffers?

No advice really but just wanted to say I am
also a socially awkward mum! I dread school parties (DS is 5 and just started school this year). A couple of the parties he has been to have been welcome for parents to drop off but at that age I would prefer to stay (although I usually make my husband🫠)

For drop off and pick up I try and time it so I’m just there in time for them to go in and come out. It’s a shame and I hate myself for it because im sure the other mums must think I’m so rude but I’m actually just shy and feel so awkward🙁

A lot of people probably feel the way you do OP. You may find that you find you connect with one or two of the parents and maker friends but you don't have to.

honestly for school runs get in and get out

you will see the clicks and your best of out of it

at parties, talk be polite or just sit and doom scroll on facebook for a couple of hours or take a book

School mums are clicky

I think the priority is being a good and authentic mum and to model respecting yourself.

It's ok to not be a chatty mum. People are all different. If your child is very sociable, make sure they get to go to clubs etc. so they can have fun with other kids.

Year 1 here. It's the norm in our group for parents to stay because it's very much seen as a social occasion for adults too (at once recent party, some of the adults used the karaoke machine that was set up more than the kids who all wanted to run around outside). School drop off is generally just leave them and go, maybe have a quick 'good morning' to other parents but that's it.

I'm very socially awkward too but volunteered to be the class rep this year which gives me a sense of purpose and means people come to me with random questions which has definitely helped me to build some better relationships with the other parents.

When mine were at school, no parents stayed at parties and that was from year R

Same as @Rubyupbeat .
Once they are away from you in school all day, they can cope with being away from you at a party for a couple of hours.

Re the 'drop and run at the school gates' - that will depend a lot on a combination of the Geography of your school; the way they enter school in the morning; and the personality of your child.

I dropped and ran from mid year 1 and didn’t stay at parties once in reception. Seems odd parents stay past preschool

This.

The school run is fab if you are in a clique. If you are not (I'm not) then keep it all to a bare minimum.

I think it's nice to set up playdates though to direct your kid to nice children (my child'sain friend in reception was mean to him) so that'd require some pulling teeth of social contact & observation of who is who. I think that might be the only thing you'd miss from NC.

I'm the opposite to you OP, very social but school gate cliques have done my head in.

We had a whole class party last year (end of year 1) and all the parents bar two stayed, and both of those children cried at different points. Obviously we as hosts comforted them but it did feel as though they'd been left for the adult's convenience rather than because the children were fine about it. Just say hi and smile; no-one loves kids' parties, they're just facilitating the children's friendships.

I am not local and have made a few friends at the school gate (and am on only nodding acquaintance with many more)

Different for us - reception pretty much every parent would stay, unless someone had clearly been tagged to another parent. By y2 I think it was mostly dropping them off. But it depends on the child - I stayed lurking until they were unlikely to start crying or refuse to join in. A couple of parents stayed around a bit more if they knew their child needed extra supervision / was likely to cause drama.

Thanks all. So maybe just a couple more years to go 🤞😅

Kids can walk to and from school alone from year 4 here.
As for parties, it varies. And sadly, the earliest ones to be able to drop and run are the ones who have made mum friends and can ask them to keep an eye out 🙊🙈

Can you send another adult to the parties? I really sympathise for parents who are uncomfortable at them. Do you dislike the interaction altogether (the mindless chit chat)? Or do you find it difficult to start the conversation?

The funny thing is I am actually part of a “group”, I always talk to a certain group of mums and there’s been talk of going out one eve etc.
but this is my issue, I find the small talk hard, and I tend to have this habit of feeling like I’m speaking weird, or saying too much, or saying too little.

I think this is more common than you think. They’re all probably feeling the exact same way.
I have close friends and family who I never worry about this after seeing them.
But we’ve recently relocated and I’m finding my entire life is dominated by “the fear”. I like lots of people here but I walk away feeling like I said too much about my personal life, I swore too much, I didn’t agree vehemently enough, I didn’t seem interested enough, I asked too many questions etc etc etc.
I’m just pushing through to for now. But the fear is real.

This is so me! Thanks for sharing it has made me feel a bit better ☺️

When my eldest (autumn born) was in Year R, we invited the whole class to a party in our house. 27 children. In a normal sized house. Parents rung the doorbell, and politely said, “can I just drop them?”. Every parent. We had, with our other DCs, 30 children, and two adults. When the parents came for pick up all the children were heaped up in a pile on the front room floor playing Sleeping Lions. DH and I were contemplating joining them.

That was the last time we did an at-home party until our kids were old enough to entertain themselves.

Despite this traumatic experience 😁, I still think it’s fine to drop and go, as long as you check parents are happy with this.

Wow you did very well ☺️