Getting so stressed and snapping at my kids. I feel AWFUL!:'(

[cheekycee]

So I'm a single mother to my 4YO DD and 1YO DS. I have done it all in my own since my son was born as he has a different dad to my DD. My DD dad helps out massively but DS dad basically got me pregnant advised it would be the best thing in the world for us but turned extremely abusive and so I left. Since then he bothers to see DS for 9 hours a week if that with no overnights. My DD isn't an issue she is just a kid but is getting the brunt of my stress and i feel so sad about it. DS still doesn't sleep thru and all he does is cry and winge the moment cause he knows what he wants but cannot ask. I GET IT. I know he's a baby. I love my kids dearly. There the best thing ever. The sleep deprivation, loneliness of adult contact and having every waking second spent trying to calm my DS who's crying is really getting to me. This morning I turned round to him when he was winging in his cot and shouted "just stop" I scared him and the winge turned into a cry. I immediately picked him up soothed him apologised and cuddled him and my DD who saw it and also got scared. I feel so awful. How could I have done this to my son and infront of my DD. Leaving the house is hard. I work full time and everything in the world plays a part to make it difficult for me to leave in the mornings so I feel I moan constantly. Ahhh I just don't want to be a moaning mum I want to be fun and calm for my babies. Does anyone else have this? I feel so guilty for this morning 😭😭😭😭

Learn from it. The fact you are feeling bad shows you did not mean to cause any harm.
Count to 10 and step out of the room to avoid the crying if you feel you are about to lose your temper. Only come back in when calm.

That doesn't sound extreme at all, please don't be harsh on yourself for snapping. Almost everyone has done it, I did it when the kids were little and it all got too much.

As long as you can be a loving, attentive parent the majority of the time, occasional snapping won't harm them. My kids are teens now and everything has been fine with them even though I lost it occasionally when they were small and more demanding.

Agreed thank you

Id like to think I am. I always tell them they're amazing and encourage them and love them off cuddles kisses compliment them and tell them positives about themselves (I know my DS can't understand yet but it's good practice). I just feel SO bad for snapping and most mornings I moan, a lot!

You sound like a great mum. The odd shouting at them isn't going to harm them, we are all human. I've shouted at my 3 year old DS before and felt terrible! I've apologised. As long as it's not constant shouting and is a one off.
Have you got much family support?
I'm not a single mother and find parenting SO HARD and I have a supportive partner, so I can imagine how hard things are for you on your own.

Do you have any friends who can take them for a day, I'm sure the friends wouldn't mind. Get a day for yourself either in nature or a spa, whatever works for you. I imagine you're protective of them both with past relationships but they will be fine