Worried

[Tebbs]

Hi, I have recently split up from a girl I was with for 5 months, she has 10 year old and 14 year boys. Throughout the relationship she has cancelled last minute including when meeting my parents, my birthday Christmas and valentines. From very early on I stupidly lent money (£400 in a month and a half) I did get this back but not when promised and with lots of fall out. From very early on she told me she has being in a domestically abusive relationship prior to me, when I’ve been to her house it is dirty and the untidiest house I have stepped foot in, there are holes in walls all over the house, no bathroom door and both kids stay up till early hours through the week. I was always supportive, found out early on she has liver cirrhosis through drink but had told she’d stopped drinking.. I believe that the cancelling last minute is her drinking again she also regularly goes off the radar and is not contactable for days at times. I will eventually message her 14 year old asking if mum is ok, he will tell me she’s not being feeling herself and I’ll ring me soon.. then it’ll be a day later. Eldest son suffers from panic attacks is very nervous and guarded, she has told me this is because she witnessed his dad being abusive to her. Recently there has being an occasion where a lady I do not know but worked with both me and my ex(who I’m talking about) has contacted me chasing money from my ex, eventually I found out she owes over £8000 to this lady, I have being sent screen shots between them and my ex has lied about selling the house waiting for the sale to go through and needing the money for beds etc for her boys new house and would pay the lady back. The money had being lent since July last year… I’ve recently found out through another mutual friend that my ex has being addicted to and ordering cocaine which I believe is where the money goes. She has advised me social services are involved and the kids are on child protection as a result of how often she lets them stay off school (not sure if they are involved) I don’t know if I should ring social services and ask to speak with the social worker or just stay out of it as I have my own son who I’m in a custody battle over and lives with me and whilst I haven’t done anything wrong I worry about potential repercussions, any advice?

You need to block this woman and her kids out of your life, it’s not your responsibility. Move on.

Move on

IMO child protection is everyone's responsibility. This is not a safe environment for those boys. If you don't want to go directly to social services to report this, could you go to the boys' schools and talk to a teacher about it?

i could do as I do know the schools they go to, I am worried and there’s lots more I didn’t include, unsafe people coming in and out of the house etc, selfishly i don’t want any backlash though when im due in court over custody of my son soon

Unless you also have social workers (who are connected to your ex) I don't know that this would be a problem. They have a duty of confidentiality between separate cases. Does your ex wife know about the situation and would be likely to use it in courst against you? In the end you walked away from the situation which shows you protected your own children. But I'm not an expert in child services so if others with experience feel it would be a risk then listen to their advice. But I do think something needs to happen for those boys.

I have a social worker involved following an incident with my ex that has resulted in my son being in my care whilst they investigated but this is in a different area to the girl I posted this about and there’s no direct link, I may call anonymously on my day off tomorrow and get some advice