What age of child needs a SAHM more?

[User37652]

If you have experience with children of different ages, at which ages would you say it was important to be at home more? I am trying to plan my life out after being at home for a few years but my children are still small and I don’t know what ages they will need me to be around more. Eg do you think it is more important to be doing school pick up and tea time when they’re in infants or to be at home for them in years 7-8-9? Any advice or experiences welcome :)

Agree with this. When younger an au pair, nanny or grandparent etc was a good enough steady presence but have found that I cannot be substituted when my teenagers need support. They definitely need me more now than any other age

I feel (I have three children and was at home until the youngest started primary school) that I wanted to be with them when they were younger but they needed me more when they were older

I initially thought up to the end of primary but have found my teenagers need me just as much but in a different way. We did have a particularly tricky time with one of them.

I have also found menopause has hit me really hard and found managing work, home and teenagers hard.

Personally I think part time working is the way to go.

Ideally? Every year. We have been very lucky in that except for a couple of years in primary (and even then it wasn’t every day) someone has been at home. Hybrid working has been a total boon.

Obviously that’s not an option for everyone, so you cut your cloth. Transition years are importantly but you may need to be guided by your own children, not sure how much you can plan ahead.

What has worked for me at all ages is working part-time across the week so that I can be around after school (most days). I LOVED the after-school hours in the primary years and now that I have a teenager I find they need a lot of support and it's good to be around, be able to drive them places etc.

Depends on a couple of things - I found it easier to return to work full time when they went to nursery. I built up (what little I could do with nursery fees pension) built up my trust with my employer.

With my first I shortened my hours once at school two days a week. Due to age gap with my second she started school same time as eldest moved to secondary. I then went down to 3 short days for pick up and two long days eventually dropping Fridays.

My youngest is year 10 and I retuned to FT around 2 years ago. My husband and I WFH so roughly twice a week my daughter returns to an empty house for an hour before one of us comes home.

I do think they needed me more around secondary & often just being a taxi service :) We’ve never missed special days at primary or secondary.

Though both my girls happily went to BC, ASC and enjoyed holiday camps. But we always had a balance - husband and I often split half terms but always had two weeks off all together in summer.

I think secondary age kids need parents more. For younger children their needs are often simpler and can be covered by childcare/after school clubs. Navigating the wider world as a teenager needed a more hands on approach imho.

My mum was self employed most of my primary years and was around (writer). It was so comforting. I loved having her at the school gates. From year 8 onwards I was happy to have her working from home/ office in town combo and happy to let myself in and watch tv.

I’ve been a SAHM of my primary aged children and now returning to work now we are secondary aged. However I’m WFH part time so I’m available to collect from school and around every evening

I think they need you at home more at 11-14.

Too old for holiday clubs etc. Not mature enough in yr 7 to cope with homework etc. they need running around a lot.

I think if someone can afford to be a sahm from birth till secondary school that would be great.
And obviously still use nursery or childcare as and when they need but mainly be there for the kid. It's probably quite difficult for most people to have such a set up.
But I'd say at 11 plus the kids will not want you around so much. As they branch out into independence.

Can't their father step up if they need a parent present?

Obviously everyone will say what they do they prefer. It depends on so many variables

I feel like the odd one out as I don’t feel my teen needs me around a lot - or at least not from 3.15! She needs down time when she gets home and generally emerges around 6pm to chat etc. year 7 she definitely needed support more, but not once she was settled in friendships and had got used to homework routine.
I find it easy to juggle work and a teen. I worked part time until the youngest was in year 3.

0-3 and then someone closely involved but not necessarily SAHP during transitions (reception, year after starting secondary, early adolescence, GCSE to A-level year). 7-11 is often pretty straightforward.

Tbh, I think it’s impossible to predict when your kids will need you the most as you just don’t know what problems they will face and when, or how they will cope with them. For some kids, things will go quite smoothly, for others there will be separation anxiety/ physical illness/ sen/ bullying/ school refusal/ the list goes on.
It is just so unpredictable. It’s fortunate for us I’m able to be at home full time because I strongly suspect that my dd would not do well in childcare / wrap around at all. I’m a very quiet person, she is a fireball of energy and emotion and we have had all sorts of problems with her behaviour because of it.
It is also good that I have had so much opportunity to observe her and get to know what makes her tick because I think otherwise she would be fairly unmanageable.
Or, maybe she would be better off in wraparound care and I’m just crap at this, who knows.

I think the problem with teenagers is you just don't know. So it's super difficult to make a decision before they get there. Some teenagers the parents are literally begging for them to manage to mutter good morning to them, and need/want nothing, you might as well be at work - but other teenagers you're sat at 4am in a&e as they've self harmed. Big kids, big problems - for some.

Honestly? I think if you can be around every day until age 8/9yo, and then at least 3 days thereafter, that would be ideal (this is assuming the other parent is never around). Ideally, of course, both parents would make adjustments to ensure one of them is at home whenever a child is at home.

Definitely under 7. Over 11 and you’re pretty much nothing more than annoying.

I definitely think we disregard the attention teens need, but I don't think that requires a SAHM. I WFH so I chat to mine as they come in from school, but even if I go back to the office I really don't think that's the only time we'd talk about the day (we always eat together at dinner) but do think you need to be a bit more purposeful ensuring you're getting the time in with them.

It really depends what your teen is like too, I never wanted to talk about my day as soon as I got in from school, whereas my eldest does, and then he won't bring it up for the rest of the evening.

Over 11 and you’re pretty much nothing more than annoying.

And these comments never resonate with me, mine argue as to whose turn it is to watch tv with me (as they watch different shows with me) I never thought that would happen!!!

Speak for yourself!!

Couldn’t be more wrong with my mid teens

I really don't get this, I was never dropped off or picked up from school

Maybe infants as we called it then

After that I made my own way. I walked to senior school or got the bus and made my own way home

I also went to a badminton club after school in the evening in the dark, getting the tube and a bus or walking

I had no choice, my parents worked and could not drive

Sounds like a different era. What’s not to ‘get’. Things are different now especially with safety