Child excluded from social interactions

[LoftyMintCat]

Some advice please, my child has had the same close friends since she started primary and has recently gone to secondary school, and some if her friends were put in the same class as her. I was hoping her friendship circle would expand, however of course her besties are in the class, so she hasnt felt an immediate need to go out of her way to make new friends. I got on well with one of the parents and we were what I would of considered good friends up until a couple of years ago, when without warning she froze me out. So, I would see her now and again in social situations and be civil, our kids are now in secondary school, and old enough to make their own social plans, however I am aware that her friends organise stuff without her, and this specific parent also organises "things for the kids to do", with the other mums, and obviously due to her issue with me, my child gets left out, and can't understand why. Now, when I ask her if everything is ok in school, she says everything is fine, and her friends are the same as they always have been, and hangs about with them break, lunch etc. it just breaks my heart to see her on the weekend in the house or seeing that her friends have met up and not asked her. I don't know how to help.

Why don't you organise something for her to do at the weekend or during the week where she can meet new people? A sport, club or hobby perhaps.

She already does a sport, and usually has a game on a weekend, she does occasionally talk to her teammates in their WhatsApp group, but that's about as social as it gets. Unfortunately clubs and hobbies are quite limited due to our location, we don't live in an area where there's lots of stuff to do.

Can you try to focus on encouraging your child to pursue hobbies alone/with you, whilst exploring different ways to get to know people in school? When my child started secondary school not knowing many people there we talked about different approaches to learn about others in class, as a first step. E.g. today can you find out the favourite to programmes of two kids (not the besties) in your class?

Try not to worry, imo it’s healthy for her to make new friendships but they can take a while to form. In the meantime she can concentrate on enjoying her own company at home.

The important thing is she’s happy. It’s very normal for people to do things with other people so it’s good she’s resilient. The emphasis should be for her to widen her friendship group or join weekend clubs.

Perfectly normal but heartbreaking if your child seems to be on the receiving end. Can you have her invite her club friends over for tea during the week? It will take time but once settled in school she will find her ‘tribe’ through shared interest activities that school provide. Keep strong mum 💐

If you had to guess, do you have an inkling as to why your ex-mum friend suddenly began acting differently?

Would it be possible for you to organise something social for your daughter and a couple of her friends from school (obviously not the whole group as it would involve the mum you're no longer friends with)?