Too many extra curricular activities?

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My son (6 years old) is a very structured child. Loves rules and a clear format. And hates afterschool club / free form play situations where he often spends it alone.
So I've booked him into extra curricular activities 6 days a week. Is that too many? I don't want to burn him out but we both work so he has to be somewhere and he seemed very unhappy everyday except the 2 days we had him in classes.

A friend also said it was a bit crass to be booking him into all of these when so many people are struggling financially. I'm not showing off - its what we thought was best for my son. But does it come across as extravagant? We're talking swimming, art club that sort of thing, not polo!

Perhaps we've taken it too far? He seems happy but that doesn't mean it's not too much. What are others doing? 2-3 activities a week? More or less? Would welcome thoughts. Thanks

How old is he?

I think it's a very odd thing of your friend to say. It completely depends on age and personality but if you've noticed it's what suits your child best then that's that. You'll soon find out if it's too much for him.

Good question! He's 6

How old is he?

I think 6 is quite a lot. It's important for children to have some downtime and to learn how to entertain themselves without structure or it being adult led.

How you spend your money though is up to you. Your friend's comments are ridiculous. You don't have to not buy things because not everyone can afford something.

How old is he?
dc3 is 10. He joined beavers age 6 and also did swimming. Dropped beavers age 8, as didn’t want to move up to cubs. Started tennis for a year, but the days clashed with my work and he wanted to drop it. Dropped swimming when he reached wave 6, when he could dive in deep end, swim 50 metres age 9. Said he was so glad to not be rushing around to anything anymore.

He just prefers to go to the park or play with one of his friends, or chill out at home. But that’s just his personality. If I felt extra activities suited him and he wanted to do them, and I could afford them, then absolutely I’d want him to go.
What does your son think though? Was he involved in choosing the activities? Does he enjoy them? Does he want to continue them?

The only thing I would question is if he has enough time for unstructured play. It is so crucial for children to have plenty of time to play (ideally unsupervised) with other children, learning how to establish rules of games, how to resolve disagreements, being imaginative etc. This is probably especially the case if he’s a child who likes a lot of structure, he may find it more difficult to manage the ‘looser’ and often changing rules of children’s games (I say this as I saw my daughter struggle with this).

Out of context it does seem a lot but if he doesn’t like the unstructured after school club and he does enjoy the activities you are booked him into why not. You need after school care so it sounds like a sensible solution to me (and your friend is just being a bitch). I would keep an eye on him to make sure he isn’t too exhausted but otherwise you know best what suits your child.

That sounds overscheduled and joyless for a six year old, but obviously, you know your child. But is it a problem if he plays or colours alone in afterschool?

Does your child seem overly tired? It does seem like a lot but I can see why you do it. Only you know if it’s too much for your child, are they cranky? Tired? Do they struggle to amuse themselves? You’ll know if it’s too much.

I'm inclined to agree with this, and also with the pp who said that all children should learn to amuse themselves and have down time.

On a practical note though, how does he get from school to each of these classes, if both of you are at work an this is childcare ?

DD is 6 and does extracurriculars 7 days a week, and it's the norm around here (either an activity or being in after school childcare). She seems happy with it, it's not so much that we need the childcare but there's a good range of activities on offer (some in school, some out of school) that she wants to do a bit of everything. No one has ever commented that it seemed extravagant, but then she's in a prep so the parents here have money.

It's never been a problem for her not to have down time or be able to amuse herself. We get longer school holidays in a private school, and when she does clubs within school, living 5 mins walk from school means she's home by 4.30pm.

I think it’s an odd thing for your friend to say. After school care is expensive and possibly activities are not much more expensive. Around here most kids are in activities or after school care every day.

6 is quite a lot of activities but my DD has always done things most days after school, she also didn’t like after school care and if she couldn’t go home, preferred to be at dance class or something. Now she’s 15 so obviously could go home but she chooses to be in activities four weekday evenings plus Sundays.

I would just see how he goes. If he is not enjoying the activities or seems like he needs some down time then he could drop some then.

It's really not a good question - it's in the first line of your OP 😁

It wasn't until it was asked and then I edited the post, realising it was quite pertinent info

Is he enjoying these structured clubs instead of after school club? Not too tired? If all good then it’s fine, if he’s finding it all a bit much then dial back 1-2 days if you can.

Plenty of children are in wraparound care before and after school and that usually costs £££ so your friend is an idiot for making such a comment.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts.
To broadly answer various questions:
He seems much happier and has said he likes his activities. Four of these are run through his school - we are extremely lucky as his school offers about 20 or so activities via external providers and they manage shuttling the children around the different campuses to attend, as part of a transfer fee we pay for each club.
We take him to the other two.
For almost two years he has been going to afterschool club for three days and spent time in a corner, often crying. He would be in tears when we picked him up and often begged not to go. We were so worried we got the school to launch a full scale investigation into what was happening, in case of an abuse issue. We threatened police if we weren't satisfied. In the end it was concluded that he just couldn't handle the noise and craziness of the environment. This is recognised behaviour at school too, though it's more structured and he's settled better in a classroom.
In terms of my friend's comment, it is weird but I wasn't sure if this would be a general perception - the clubs we pay for are quite expensive and anyone in the school would know it. Its probably tripled our afterschool care bill. But I think you're all right - how we spend our money is not really a thing for someone else to comment on. It's not like we're buying sports cares instead of food!
I think we'll monitor the situation and see how things go. After asking around, I'd say most kids locally go to around 4 clubs so actually it's not that many more in the grand scheme of things.

It's totally fine and it sounds as if you have found a variety of things to do. Children don't get burnt out from an hour's art a week, a bit of music, sometimes a sport - it sounds well balanced. I doubt he's doing more than kids at private school, for example.

Your friend sounds a bit mad, possibly jealous. Your DS shouldn't go to a rubbish after school club he hates in the hope that someone else doesn't feel poor in comparison to him and his hobbies - ridiculous.

There can be a bit of parental showing off about extra curriculars though, so be careful not to feed into that. Just be glad your DS is happy and thriving.

I'm in the same boat and DS is 5! We do 6 extra-curriculars a week, everyday after school (because he doesn't like ASC and I need to work) plus swimming on the weekend. He seems to be thriving off of it and loves them all.

I've had negative comments but they all seem to be from people who cant afford that level of paid activities anyway so I take it with a pinch of salt! Tbh I'm glad he's learning things/playing sport instead of just 'chilling' in ASC. He can chill for free at home! The only thing I try and do is not bring it up in front of friends who are struggling, it definitely is a little crass to talk about your child's packed schedule to someone who'd love that and can't afford it.

DS has gone through various after school and evening activities. He liked rules and routine too. He enjoyed attending an after school club who would pick the kids up from school and take them back to the building they worked from.

There they had a choice of things to do, but the childminders there would keep it structured and have them doing things like art, making snacks for everyone, playing games, reading books, helping with animals etc.

He went there every day after school, and then he'd do evening activities like rugby, football, swimming and guitar lessons. Only child so we thought it best for him to be taking part in things with other kids rather than sat at home.

DS is 11 now and the after school club has sadly closed. He really only does football and guitar on an evening now, but it keeps him busy for an hour or two four nights a week.

DM used to say we had him doing too much but he still had/has plenty of time at home doing things he likes, and he got the opportunity to try out new things and find out which ones he wanted to take further.

We went to an open evening at the secondary school he'll be attending and he got really into the idea of joining in activities and clubs they have going there, which I like to think is down to the fact the idea of joining in these things isn't new, he's done it before.

Yes I think it is too many. I appreciate it is different for different children, some might be more sporty/musical and need the extra practice, but I think you'd be better off encouraging him to spend some time finding his own entertainment, be it playing in the garden or reading, or building with legos.
He's only 6, it's important for children to engage in free play to develop their imaginations and problems solving, and to unwind!

It can be seem as 'normal' as a lot of parents do similar, but that doesn't mean it's the way to go. Personally I believe it's trendy and parents often show off they can afford those activities and it can turn into "keeping up with the Joneses", at least that's what happens in my area. I don't think your friend's comment was too helpful though! As a family we can afford activities for our DC, but we limit them as I want my kids to chill - but some people assume we can't afford them!

I'd limit him to 3-4 activities and try to encourage something creative, if he doesn't like legos maybe model-making? I'd let him choose. Good luck.