How can I help my independent toddler?

[Ginspirational]

DD is 2.8 and fiercely independent, which I know is amazing, and actually very helpful in most cases. She dresses and undresses herself, puts her socks on, takes herself to the toilet, wipes, flushes, washes her hands etc. She has always wanted to do the next thing and her catchphrase at the moment is ‘I can do it, I’m a big girl!’

I have tried explaining that even big girls need to ask for help, but when it comes to things she actually needs help with - cutting things, putting her shoes on (especially when in a rush), opening doors, riding her bike etc she flies off the handle when we try to help her. She will try and try till she’s blue in the face and will not accept help, so often we end up just doing it which results in an almighty tantrum because she’s so angry and frustrated.

I love that she wants to do it for herself, but I had to get her out the bath tonight and she despises being lifted up, so it of course ended in an almighty tantrum because ‘she’s a big girl’ even though I explained if she did it herself, she would hurt herself.

Is this a phase we just have to get through until she can manage these things alone? It seems like we have more and more tantrums each day. I had to carry her screaming out of the childminders this evening because she couldn’t put her shoes on and wouldn’t let me help her. I tried to physically put them on and it was like wrestling an octopus.

I’m shattered, I look at my nephew who is older and he’s so easy and lets his mum help him, meanwhile DD is off screaming at someone for even daring to come near her.

To an extent, yes, you'll just have to wait until she grows through it.

In the meantime help her to achieve these things. Buy shoes that are easy to put on and teach her how to do it (demonstrate on a teddy if she doesn't want you to actually help her do it). Get a knife/scissors suitable for her age so she can cut what she needs to (or cut before it gets to her plate to avoid a row). Get a step for the bath so she can climb out (cover safe climbing first).

In addition, model asking for help. Ask her to help you with things. Let her see you asking another adult for help. Model saying "I'm struggling with this, I'm going to ask Daddy/Granny/next door neighbour for help so that I can do it". Ask her to show you how to do things. They will always do as you do, not as you say!

Thank you @NuffSaidSam - you’ve actually given me excellent advice on many of my threads and you have done so again ☺️

They will always do as you do, not as you say!

Isn't that the truth!

The PP had made some really good suggestions.

My son is the exact same. He's very independent and likes to do it all by himself. He does get frustrated when he can't do something and I ask if he would like some help. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't.
What's helped us is giving him more responsibility and independence.
He helps make his lunch, eg helps grate the cheese for his sandwich. Spoons yoghurt into his bowl etc etc.
He helps hoover too, he loves going around with the nozzle part collecting all the bits.
He unloads the washing machine and puts the stuff in the basket and helps hang it out.
It does make everything a lot longer but honestly he absolutely loves doing these tasks and he doesn't see it as a chore like we do.
I think it makes him feel connected and helps his independence because it's things he can do with ease and it's things he sees me do.

Thanks for this! I’m not the OP but find it really useful.