Scared to consider that my child has ADHD…support please

[Stockholm44]

I have periodically thought that my 7 year old son has ADHD. From he was born he has been a ‘harder’ baby, never slept, still doesn’t sleep great, colicky, cried all day for the first year, that’s no exaggeration.
from he could walk he has ran, never stops, never sits down. Always on the go.
climbs everything, is very active but climbs everything even stuff he shouldn’t and is dangerous.
struggles with listening, and I genuinely feel like it’s something he finds hard to do rather than chooses not to do (although there is a part of disobedience too at times).
is easily led and gets involved in things in school (like running in and out of toilets) which then he gets in trouble for.
is very impulsive. Everything he shouldn’t be doing, he will do (climbing over a gate instead of walking through it, climbing outside of tunnel slides to a very high point etc
alongside this is he is super smart, very kind and loving, quite sensitive, worries about getting in trouble with adults etc
school have raised these things every single parent teacher meeting bad I get one or 2 phone calls a month about these things in school. He always says he doesn’t know why he did it or blames other kids.
Like I said, he has always been like this. I wonder is it worthwhile looking into it? I’m also not too keen to have him labelled but it might help him, especially in school.
he is such a great wee boy and has so many strengths but i worry he is being labelled as ‘bad’ when there may be more going on

has anyone any experience of this?

What specifically scares you about seeking a diagnosis?

He's already been labelled.

I had a dx ages 47, life changing.

Not an excuse for behaviour but an explanation and an adhd-friendly life is much easier to navigate for both me and the people around me.

Look at the info on the ADHD Foundation FB page. Even if he doesn't meet the threshold for dx, the strategies are useful.

OP he sounds very much like my eldest DS as a child. Once my DS got diagnosed after he was 11 he got meds and within a few terms he had been put up into the top Maths set from the third set. My younger DS got diagnosed at 7 and he got meds and because he got them earlier he managed to do A levels and get high grades. It was my fault that the elder DS didn't get meds until 11 because I was too afraid to firstly get an assessment then secondly to give consent for him to take the meds because I'd heard they suppressed appetite. Getting a diagnosis has been positive in my experience because you can then consider the treatments on offer. I wish I'd got assessments sooner as I've only seen positives from both my DS's in terms of both behaviour and performance.

We have lots of ADHD in my family, varying support needs from me - bit chaotic but holds down a professional job to someone who isn’t able to work or live independently.

If he does have ADHD I see no pro’s to not getting a diagnosis.

At least if you do find out he (and you) may be able to access some support.

I’m not sure exactly, just anxious about it all

Thank you. How long did the referral/ assessment process take?
my son is in the top groups currently in school for reading and maths but it’s the concentration part that’s difficult for him.
what age are you boys now? How do they feel about their diagnosis?

Also what medication is it and what does it do/what’s it for?

Not being keen on having him labelled isn't helping him.

Ask the school to refer him for assessment and to do it quickly. The waitlists are up to 4 years in some areas.

If your son gets a diagnosis then it doesn't change him as he already has ADHD whether or not you get the paperwork.

There are some great books on ADHD being your superpower.l that my DC loves. There's one called I've got the wiggle fidgets and it gives them language to understand what they have and how to make it something good.

But also that's it's not an excuse. It's just part of them like their hair colour or being good at a subject.

Far better to get the help and give them the tools than to hope it goes away.

Thank you. I don’t know why I’m worried…I’m a single mum and it’s hard to navigate it all alone. I have mentioned it to the teachers before who have said he’s just making ‘poor choices’ but I think it’s more than that.
i love him completely as he is, and that’s it exactly- he is who he is without or without the label, but an assessment may provide us with some avenues of support

@Stockholm44

He's already been labelled as the naughty one, the bad one, the one who is making poor choices.
A diagnosis will help get him the support he needs.
I understand its scary, especially on your own, you don't want your child to struggle through life, but if it is ADHD, things will only get worse for both of you.
His teacher sounds unhelpful, have you spoken to the Senco, or asked to speak to school in a meeting so you can set out your concerns formally.
You can speak to your GP and request an assessment under the Right to Choose.
You should also consider applying for DLA for him. You do not need a diagnosis to apply. CAB and Cerebra have really helpful guides to applying.
There are different medications but honestly I don't think I've come across a parent who regretted it. All the older children I speak to also feel medication was the right route. Its no different to giving a child medication for a physics illness. Don't be afraid of it.
You are right, a diagnosis won't change who he is, but it will help get that support.
Good luck

'Bad' is a label OP, ADHD is a diagnosis. Please stop calling it a label. Why not go see your GP with him and see what your GP has to say? It is often a long wait so worthwhile getting it started now.

I would speak to your schools SENCO and get the ball rolling. Where we are the waiting list for assessment is now over 2 years.The sooner you’re on that list the better.

Can you pay private for this?

My 2 boys are both adults now. They are 36 and 30. When they were younger diagnosed was more rare, but the length of time was actually quicker because far fewer DC had an EHC plan. When they were young it was called a statement of special needs. I o ow referral times differ due to postcode and how much evidence school has gathered. They were both prescribed Ritalin. The eldest tried a drug called Concerts XL which lasted all day but found it took his appetite away so he was switched back to Ritalin which he took after breakfast but before school. He took a second dose after lunch at school which was administered by the school nurse.

Sounds like my 2yo's background and now. How did he settled into nursery and/or school?

He settled ok, but had (and still probably has) a lot of separation anxiety with me. I was told last year that his behaviour stands out in the class. I would agree that throughout his whole life his behaviour has stood out…even when very young he was climbing basically before he could even walk, no fear. People have always commented how much energy he has, that he never stops etc. he does have a good level of concentration for things that interest him e.g drawing. He is very intelligent and doesn’t struggle socially, except maybe when someone hurts his feelings he would be very sensitive to that. But it’s the impulsivity, not following instruction that is the main thing really. He’s also abnormally sweaty

Absolutely no fear and so impulsive. It really sounds like ADHD to me. My DH took DS up the leaning tower of Pizza once. Just before they reached the top DS pulled away from DH ran off up the steps with DH after him and he ran right to the top and to the edge and hung over waving at me. I knew it was him because he had this bright yellow top on. DH said he felt sick once he got to the top and saw where he was. At the top of the tower the wall is really low and it's a very long way down.

You need to get a proper diagnosis so you have clarity. We went through the same thing with my stepson—his behaviour was exactly as you described. It turned out he’s on the higher end of the ADHD spectrum. We always knew something wasn’t quite right.

Once you have a diagnosis, it becomes easier to accept that it’s a disability and start focusing on the right treatment and support.

Think of it like this. If he has the condition, he has it regardless of diagnosis or not. Getting the diagnosis doesn’t change whether he has it, it changes what help he can access to deal with it.

Your son sounds just like mine - but he doesn't display any of this at school so nobody is interested. He's younger though so it may become more apparently once more is expected of him. But he's reckless and impulsive, and doesn't listen. Like you, I don't think this is disobedience. He also can't seem to change his decisions - once's he made the thought to do something, he is carrying that through, nothing stops him.