My MIL is uninvolved with her grandchildren. She lives in the same town as us and makes no effort. We’ve tried to include her to sports matches, school presentations, Christmas concerts etc… but she’s just not interested. When she comes to our house she barely speaks to them. She expects everyone to run circles around her as she sits and waits to be waited on. May SIL comes to see her once a year (they live 2 hours away) and even then, she makes no effort to engage with her grandkids. I find it bizarre.
She was a primary school teacher before retiring, so it’s not like she doesn’t know how to deal with children. Her grandchildren are all teens now, so she can’t use the excuse of being old and finding it physically demanding. She doesn’t even call them on birthdays, and only ever gives them money for birthdays/christmas. No thought or effort into gifts. My kids now find her quite difficult. She is a very negative person and can be condescending. They do miss having a grandmother like their friends do.
Given all the support we give to her, we have never been able to understand how little effort she makes with us. She blames it on us being busy, yet my DH goes to see her weekly and phones her regularly. She never phones us to see how we are, or calls in to see us, or tries. When she talks to her family and friends she likes to give them the impression that she is the doting mother and grandmother, but she is far from it.