first baby

[beccaltt]

My baby boy is nearly 3 months old, i'm a first time mum only just turned 19 and cries the majority of the day. he's a reflux baby so is on reflux milk, he seems to never be able to chill out he's either feeding or crying or screaming, he doesn't sleep during the day and if he does he will have quick 10 min power naps. Wasn't sure if there was any advice, he's my first born and his dad is at work most of the time so i'm up doing the nights and all the days as he is at work from 7-10 or 7-4 or 3-10 with only a few days not at work so i can never have time to myself just to take a breather, is there any advice?

thank u :)

Sounds really tough. Is he still being sick lots even with the reflux milk? Does he have any other symptoms? I'm just wondering whether the reflux may be a symptom of cows milk allergy. You can get special milk prescribed from the GP where the cows milk protein is broken down or absent. It might be worth trying that. My other idea is that he might be crying because he's utterly exhausted if he's not sleeping in the day. Does he wake up because you put him down? I know it's very difficult but in the early months, neither of mine would nap unless I held them, so I held them for all their naps. It was the only way to get them decent sleep. My son had cows milk allergy and you couldn't put him down to sleep day or night until after 1.

he's stopped being sick now with the new milk, and yeah the second i put him down he wakes up instantly but been told too much that holding him will make him worse so have been reluctant to do so, he sleeps from around 10-2 and then every 2 hours from then he wakes up till about 7-8 when we start the day routine

My DD was like this, thankfully it dramatically improved at 5 months, so hopefully yours is like that! Unfortunately I think with a lot of colicky babies the only thing that helps is time, which is frustrating advice when you are in the thick of it. One thing to check as that there isn’t CMPA- it turns out that was an issue for us, although we didn’t actually put two and two together until we started weaning and she had stronger reactions (she was EBF until then and the only reaction was colic, no rashes or tummy issues so the doctor didn’t think it was CMPA. But she then ended up being allergic to dairy and eggs!)

Provided it isn’t caused by allergies, just remember that it is a phase, he will get through it, you will get through it. You’d be amazed what you are able to cope with when you have no choice. You’ll look back on it and think ‘how the hell did I do that?!’

Also, my mum and sister ended up being the light in dark times for me. They’d come over and help me for an hour here or there and I don’t know what I would have done without them. A good support network really helps- don’t be afraid to ask for help even if you feel they won’t want to because he’s fussy! You’d be surprised, especially family.

Also, look up safe cosleeping. Absolute game changer when you have a clingy baby. Don’t let people scare you with the SIDS tales- you can absolutely do it safely provided you are prepared and disciplined with making sure the safe environment and conditions are met for every sleep. It’s the norm in many cultures for a reason!

Different people have different ideas about whether to push on with trying to put them down to sleep or whether to hold them, cosleep etc. You will work out the best option for you and your baby. In my experience, different things worked at different ages. When they were little I prioritised them getting the sleep they needed and definitely didn't have the energy to be trying to put them down every two hours. As they got older I made more effort to try to put them down and get them comfortable going to sleep on their own.