Single mum and friends never make an effort to come over

[Pennylou87]

I am no good at venting these feelings as I always feel like I am being too much or moaning but I am so annoyed, upset and frustrated.

I am a single mum and have been for a good few years. I manage to get out once maybe twice a month, I have a handfull of friends, I used to have more but I think as you get older you filter out the ones that are true friends.

Whenever I have time I will always make arrangements with them, offer to go to theirs is they can't get out for whatever reason - none of my friends have kids but want them but whenever I say "fancy coming over to mine for dinner, wine, movie, chats whatever" there is always an excuse. They know how difficult it is for me to get out due to my two children not seeing their dad ( He is awol) they never offer to come over and in the last two years two of my best friends have been over once when I offered. It sucks and I feel so frustrated.

They don't have children so they have a lot more free time. I know that everyone has their stuff to deal with and I have been so understanding and mindful of it all but unless I say I will come there they don't make the effort. What do I do? I worry that calling them out on it makes people defensive and I don't want to create friction and lose anyone as my circle is so small as it is but I don't think it is right and I am one of those friends that will be there in anyway I can, even if I can not get out the house and they are having a tough time I will offer for them to come over to vent or ask my mum to babysit so I can arrange time.

Anyone else in a similar situation or has been? I feel low about it all.

Sorry for the long post...

Think it’s time for some more filtering. Maybe explain how you feel give them the chance to have a two way mutual relationship and if not, time to get the scissors out

Thank you for replying :)

You are right and I have done this with a few people over the last 10 years, just weighs heavy when you then realise how small your circle is but its more lonely to feel like you are on your own in a friendship.

Would your kids be in bed when they'd come over?
As otherwise they might not want to come over and not be able to talk to you properly / have all conversation interrupted by children etc.

I was going to ask this. I've had this issue with a friend where I feel like there's now absolutely no point going to her house as she allows her kids to constantly interrupt an monopolise, and we end up having about 6 minutes of conversation in 3 hours, the rest being taken up with her kids needing to be wrangled while playing up or them trying to constantly insert themselves in every moment.

I like my friend a lot, but I don't want to spend my evenings listening to her tell her kids off. I'm happy to see her away from her children.

What happens if you suggest meeting somewhere neutral? Bar, pub or cafe?

I have one friend who I don’t see unless I go to her house. Her house is often busy or my friend is distracted by chores. She’s very hospitable but it’s hard to talk properly there. Just a thought.

“Hi friends,

we’ve been friends for x amount of time so I hope I can be honest. I’d love if we could do some meet ups at mine. It’s really hard for me to get out with the kids but I still want to hang/spend time with you both.

hope you can understand where I’m coming from on this. x”

something along those lines.

do they invite you to theirs?