I'm 36 and just found out I'm pregnant ... I already have a 12 year old daughter.

[Kaytee89]

Hey.... Just found out I'm pregnant ..... I'm 36 ... Already have a 12 year old daughter who turns 13 in September ... I worked out I'd be due in November . Have lots of worries if anyone's been in similar and can advise !? Is the age gap going to be ok !? I won't get lots of help as me and my partner have such small families . Worried I'll be too old/tired to cope . Ahhh ... Any advice !?

Too old at 36? I think the majority of my baby group mums were mid 30s for first baby.

I get tired very easily ... I don't feel young and bouncy anymore . :/ maybe over thinking . It's came as a shock 😲 I took the morning after pill and it didn't work

i had the copper coil rip,my 13 year old thinks her baby brother is adorable and likes conversing with him when he babbles.The only issue is him up at night crying but shes got headphones and adapted

I have the same age gap with my two, now teens and adult. It was brilliant, no jealousy and squabbling as the 12 year old wanted their own space a lot of the time by then anyway. They were really excited about having a sibling and even now they’re very close.

If it helps, I had twins at 33, another at 36 and then our fourth at 38. I don't keep in the best health mentally or physically (before anyone comes at me baby number 4 was the result of a coil migrating and termination wasn't an option for me - not that I need to explain myself) and I was so worried about not being up to it as life with 3 under 4 was already really really hard! And I often didn't feel very energetic. But it's been fine. Hard but fine. Baby is almost 5 months now and yeah it throws up more logistical challenges and some days are much worse than others but at the same time it is lovely having another wee baby and the older kids are very good with him. No jealousy which I was surprised about because they act up about everything else 😂 Only my parents are available to help out. We don't have a "village" as such but we manage. Sending ❤️

That’s the age gap between me and my only sibling. It’ll be fine, honestly. Not the same as having two close together but you can make it work.

I TTC at 35 with a 12-year-old, it would've been a dream if it'd worked straight away. I'm still trying years later and multiple rounds of IVF. Congratulations!

Not the same but I have 4 children, the oldest being 12 (13 in July) and the youngest being 7 weeks. They have a lovely relationship, he helps out with his little brother where he can and he loves it. Congratulations x

You took the morning after pill, I’m assuming to avoid getting pregnant. Aside from going through all those early years again, do you want another child?

If you don't want to be pregnant, you don't have to be pregnant. Termination is a valid choice.

I'm the same age as you and have a 10 year old and a 1 year old. Honestly I've loved the big age gap! I guess it might depend on the temperament of your eldest a bit but it's worked really nicely for us. I'm enjoying getting to do the baby bit again but still feel like I get to spend quality time with my eldest. He doesn't feel sidelined because he doesn't actually want or need to spend every waking minute with us, and has his own jam-packed social calendar, so the things we do all together or just me and him feel extra special. I'll be totally honest though, I definitely feel the 10 years older most days! The lack of sleep in the early days hit me much harder, it's not as easy to spend hours playing on the floor and I don't feel like I have quite the same amount of energy as I had at 26! But equally lots of people have their first in their 30s so I think I only feel it because I have a comparison point 😂

I was 12 when my sister was born and I loved it. We had a great relationship growing up and are still very close now, much easier than the relationship I have with my other closer in age sister. I babysat, fed her, changed her and when she was older took her to school, so possibly quite helpful to mum.
Mum always said she was a shock at first because she wasn't planned, but we all felt she was the best thing that happened to our family.

I understand your concern. I know it will sound crazy to some that 36 sounds tiring, but if you've been actively parenting since your early 20s (as I have) the thought of starting again mid/late 30s makes my blood run cold at the thought of the mental exhaustion (I'm physically very fit and healthy).

It wouldn't be for me OP, I have absolutely loved having my children young, I love having teens and the dynamic our family has now. I would hate to change that with a baby, I have zero regrets for how we've had our family though it wouldn't be for everyone, but having a baby in your 20s does come with some sacrifice, to start again at this stage would be another sacrifice too much for me. We have very hands on grandparents that have supported us.

That's me though, I've had 2 children, so maybe it'll feel different for you if you've only had one. My main concern would be the shift of focus from your daughter to a needy baby during some really critical years, I think people with teens and babies are nuts basically 😂

You can't be too old OP...if you were, your body wouldn't have created this baby! Congratulations. Me and my brother have a 13yr gap between us and we're very close 😊