Help! Hitting/headbutting in excitement

[HibbyW]

Hi

Just wondering if anyone has successfully dealt with their toddler/young child hitting or being rough in other ways because they're over excited? How did you help them to stop the behaviour?

I'm struggling with this at the moment with 3.5 yo DS. He gets so wildly excited around other kids. He goes to nursery 5 mornings a week so it's not that he's unused to spending time with kids his own age.

In the last couple of days he has

• tried to pull his friend over by holding onto his bike helmet
• hit the mother of his friend
• headbutted a random dad in the park
• wrapped his arms around another boy and refused to let go

He also throws things, shouts, runs without paying attention to where he's going, makes continual poo/wee references. Eg mum of nursery friend 'what's your favourite vegetable?' DS shrieking 'pooopeeee' and throws water bottle to floor, breaking the lid.

The hitting etc is in no way malicious or done in anger, he's just SO excited he continually oversteps boundaries. I think he thinks he's being hilarious.

Any suggestions? Talking about respecting other people's bodies hasn't helped, telling him off hasn't stopped it. It's embarrassing and I worry other kids will start to find him too intense. He starts reception in September.

Thank you!

Put him in reins. And make it clear that hurting other children is never acceptable

Does he have any SEN or suspected SEN? What are the consequences when he acts like this? This isn’t typical behaviour, it may be he’s a ND child who is becoming overstimulated and dysregulated because you’re not managing his sensory needs or it may be he thinks it’s okay to act like this because you are just excusing him for being excited and you aren’t putting proper boundaries in place. If he hits out or headbutts at the park I assume the activity ends immediately and you take him home? How does he react when you put those consequences in place, is he sorry for his behaviour?

This is a relatively recent behaviour (last 2 weeks or so). The headbutting/hitting isn't particularly hard, like it's more like a flailing hitting motion than with intent to harm. Clearly far from ideal. Also it's adults he's hot or headbutted. With kids he drags on their arms, hugs them or tries to pull them over, while laughing. He laughs while he's trying to hit/butt adults too.

He's a bright boy. Very good language and reasoning skills for his age. His dad and I have wondered about ND based on other behaviour at home but school nursery have no concerns. Watching him in a classroom setting, he's very calm and engaged. He's been in nurseries since he was 9m old and no concerns regarding his behaviour have been raised. Until now he's played nicely with other kids, no hitting.

It seems to be happening in really specific circumstances - eg leaving nursery, bumping into a friend in the street, maybe extra exciting scenarios?

Today we left the park when he started headbutting the dad and I basically spent the entire journey home trying to explain why it's not acceptable. He didn't get his tablet time (we have a reward chart to earn tablet time. If he doesn't get all his stars/a star is removed he can't have it)

I guess what I need is ways to help him calm down and regulate in the moment. Putting him in reigns isn't going to do that. Threatening to remove stars doesn't seem to calm him in the moment either.

It's quite hard to explain the hitting thing, but rather than purposefully raising a hand or fist to lash out, it's more like flapping both hands against someone. He's not cross when he's doing it. He's just really really wildly excited. Imagine a dog that's so exited it wees on your carpet. It's the same kind of vibe 🫣