Bedtime with 2 kids/help with toddler self settling

[ART2022]

Hi everyone,

I have two daughters, one 2.5 and a 2 month old baby.

We’re struggling with my oldest’s bedtime at the moment, as she often wants one of us to stay in the room with her until she’s asleep. Sometimes this is fine - a few stories and sit in the chair for a bit. However lately it’s becoming v long and drawn out - lots of questions, chat etc etc. If we leave the room, she cries and shouts for me (even if it’s my husband who’s put her to bed). I am sure some of it is the emotional changes that come with having a new sibling and I don’t want to inadvertently compound her worries by not being able to give her undivided attention but it’s not sustainable.

We are fine (ish) at the moment as we’ve always had both of us around to tag team but soon my husband needs to start going away for work. I feel I need to get to a place where I can leave the room, even if she’s not asleep yet, so I can tend to the baby and put her to bed too.

Any tips on how to manage this? We thought a story box might help so I could play her a story to listen to but strangely she is scared of it.

We have also tried telling her we need to nip downstairs for the loo/to make dinner etc but she has cottoned on to that now.

And how do people deal with the logistics of putting two to bed solo. Our baby has a witching hour(s) around the oldest’s bedtime, so taking her in the room isn’t ideal. But she also wouldn’t tolerate being put down and left 😩

No advice OP but I'm following with interest! We have a 3.5 year old who still needs us in the room until she drifts off 🙈 and a now 4 month old who still has a witching hour(s) when it's the eldest's bedtime!!! My husband has just been away for work the last week and I had to call for emergency grandparent support as bedtime was such a disaster!!! So no help but lots of solidarity!!

Well my 3yr old will not go to sleep on her own, even after stories having stories on her yoto (audio player). One of us needs to be there.

22 month has very recently started going to sleep on her own. But, due to her having a nap and 3yr old not, 3yr old bedtime is earlier. And I go out one evening a week, so my partner has them in separate rooms and has to keep going between the 2 rooms every few mins for 30min..

When baby was small i did several bedtimes alone. I had baby in the sling either feeding or snoozing, laying on then 2yr olds bed, that worked fine and 2yr old had her usual routine, largely ignoring baby in sling. It was only once baby got a lot older & had the later bedtime out of the two, that it became difficult

Hi OP,
Something has to give if you're going to be on your own. Can you get them both off to sleep in your bed and then transfer them? That's what I used to do - I have a similar age gap, mine are now 2 and 3. So I'd prop myself up with pillows with baby on my chest falling asleep and toddler next to me in bed, then I'd put baby down while I transferred toddler and then took baby back downstairs with me until I went up.
Good luck