Hello, I am on here today looking for advice in how to best protect my child from their father.
Backstory:
My child’s father and I ended our almost 3 year relationship in 2022 due to mental, physical and emotional abuse. My child who was one and a half at the time did not have much contact with their father even when we were together as we both still lived with our families and my child lived with me. My child’s father never wanted me to have our child and made that very clear. Even after my child was born he continued to only want to see me without our child. He did struggle with substance abuse and I know he has done since we ended. He also has a formal harassment caution from when I left him.
When we ended, we had a mutual agreement that he would have our child every other weekend. This arrangement was changed by him multiple times aswell as him not sticking to it. He did have a job for around 6 months to a year after we ended and was paying child support but before then and since no longer having this job he has not paid child support.
After compromising with him for months in regards to his visitation with our child, I took advice from Worth Services and told him that if he did not stick to his weekends then I would no longer let him have our child on my weekends. He continued to bail on his weekends with our child so again after speaking to worth services and giving him multiple chances, I took their advice and told him to go through mediation to set up a proper visitation schedule and that until then, he was not going to see our child. My main reason for doing this was due to my child’s emotional well being declining because of his inconsistent behavior. Please note, my child used to cling to me kicking and screaming every time I used to do handovers to his father. I believe this was due to not really knowing him or having any form of relationship with him. It has now been two years since my child last saw their father.
My child has still had contact with their grandad (their fathers dad) on the odd occasion and still does receive birthday and Christmas gifts from their grandmother (their fathers mother) who they also haven’t seen in years due to substance abuse. Yet their father does not send gifts for birthdays or Christmas. He easily could do so through their grandad but has chosen not too. He has never taken the first step in mediation. He has had the financial means to do so even when not working as my child’s grandad has told me many times that he offered to pay for his son to start this process.
Since the middle of 2023, my child and I have lived in a happy home with my partner who has been there and raised my child like their own. My child does see my partner as their dad and has recently started to call him dad but this is something my child did on their own accord and we have never encouraged or discouraged this. Of course in the future, I will always be honest with my child and will explain the truth in regard to their biological father. My child now also has a sibling from my partner and I.
My partner has stated many times in the past that he would like to adopt my child and I do agree that this is what is best for my child. However, I don’t know if this would be a possibility.
Has anyone else ever gone through a similar situation and if so, what was the outcome?
Please note, this is not something I would ever consider if I didn’t think it was what is best for my child’s health and wellbeing.
Thank you.