Small baby - sleep and BF help

[NTT1986]

I have a 6 week old baby girl who was born at 36+4. She was born at a tiny 3.5 pounds due to placental insufficiency. Since birth, she has been difficult to put down - she only stayed in the hospital cot for an hour or 2 the first couple of nights. She’s now impossible to put down day or night. Coping in the day by contact napping and using the sling but tbh I’m BF and she spends the majority of the day feeding anyway. At night my DH and I are taking turns to hold her. She has a bottle of formula at 9pm with DH, so I can go to bed and we change over at 12.30/1am. DH gets up for work at 6.30am. I can’t go to bed any earlier as we also have a 5 year old to get to bed and baby is cluster feeding every evening until this time too.

We are both probably getting enough sleep but I’m still finding myself almost falling asleep with her on my chest and this is making me worried and it’s not as simple as putting her down as she cries pretty much instantly. I know my DH is struggling with the lack of sleep and having to work and I’m feeling guilty about him having to stay up so late but I don’t know how I will cope on even less sleep.

What did others do? Will she suddenly be able to be put down? We have tried all the advice on getting her in the crib with no luck (our first was the same being put down but gradually got better and we eventually co-slept) and we have been advised against co-sleeping due to her birth weight and being late pre-term.

Also, did BF NOT get any easier for anyone? Baby is feeding around the clock it feels. I know she’s small so needs to catch up but we’ve reached the magic 6 weeks and it’s definitely no easier yet in terms of routine or time between feeds. I feel chained to the sofa and can’t imagine being able to get out and about with the baby. Struggling with whether to continue (feel guilty as she’s small and know BF is best for her) if in reality, I’m still going to be feeding all the time at 6 months!

I don't think 3-4 hours sleep is enough for anyone. No wonder you're falling asleep. Please don't take on even more at night when you have 2 children to look after. Your dh gets 5 and a half or 6 hours sleep which is more than you do and should be enough.

My first was exactly the same so you have my total sympathies it’s so bloody difficult especially when you have another! She suddenly seemed to crack it around the 8 week mark after keeping on trying to put her down.
this second time round I’ve got one that will only contact nap during the day but will go in her own bed at night and I swear it’s from using the love to dream swaddle. Have you tried anything like this?
it will get better but you must be absolutely exhausted you poor thing. I didn’t BF so I haven’t much advice around that but please don’t feel ‘guilty’ for whatever you decide. Sometimes your own sanity and quality of life, especially with other children comes first xx

Could your husband take the baby in a sling while he gets ready for work in the morning to give you a little more sleep? My partner used to do this (and give an extra formula feed if baby wanted).

Honestly, do what you need to do to survive. Swaddling, contact or pram naps, an extra formula feed. Do you have any friends who could take the baby for a walk so you could power nap? Your days sound tough. You are doing amazing.

My son was the same, born 37. Try to sleep when she sleeps and the older one has a nap, and co-sleep. It will be better, rest and go out as a routine.

Have you looked into silent reflux? My daughter was in my arms day and night and only my arms as she wouldn't settle for daddy at all..it was exhausting!
It resolved with high dose reflux treatment and going down the allergy path. It turned out she had cmpa and 19 other allergies as well as the reflux.

She will get easier to put down closer to 8-9 weeks. Realistically though, you should be able to go to sleep early enough to get a decent chunk of sleep (your Dh CAN do bedtime with a 5 year old with a baby in a sling, lots of mums do this every night). And working on 5 hours of sleep is totally doable in the short term as well, so you need to drop the guilt and he needs to get stuck in. It’s all the sleep lots of working parents get with toddlers who wake multiple times a night. I was managing while doing 6am-8pm work days for quite a long time.

Just keep doing what you’re doing but for your half of the night I would start moving in the direction of co-sleeping with baby, meaning trying to lie them down to sleep with you. Your Dh may need to move to another room or sofa to make this possible and get sleep.