Did anyone else NOT get the overwhelming feeling of love at the birth?

[eyemaskandearplugs]

Hi, I have a lovely dd who is 7 months. I found the first five months quite hard, I didnt have a clue what I was doing with dd and dp had less of a clue than me. I read lots of books whilst I was pregnant but soon discovered that babies rarely do what the books says. I made every effort to go to mums and baby groups and found a couple of nice ones.

After chatting with other mums and observing their interaction with their babies I started to feel a bit strange. The thing is I never got the overwhelming feeling of love when she was born, the other mums I spoke to were talking about how the feeling of love was so strong and they loved spending all day with their new babies. Some of the mums would sit and cuddle their babies and cue over them, I never really did this, I did cuddle her and chat to her, but not all the time

I started to think I had pnd. In the first few months I couldnt wait to get back to work and got stuck how to fill my day, a trip to the supermarket was something to look forward to.

I have met a few nice mums, but no one that I have made really good friends with, most of my friends are still single and going out clubbing on a Sat night, taking 3 hours to get ready. Where as I soon realised that a night out means organising baby sitter, making sure dd is in bed, clean, fed and watered and a quick jump in the shower and throw clothes on. Dont get me wrong, Im not complaining, I love been a mum and would want my old life back. I know that I am very lucky.

7 months into been a first time mum I know I was a bit depressed & lonely but have just got on with it. Been a mum is completely different and harder to what I imagined. I have started to sell a few of dd baby things and people say 'well what if you have another'. At this point I really dont think I could look after two children, or whether I would want, which makes me feel guilty.

I was just wondering if there is anyone out there that can relate to any of this.

Sorry if I have rambled on.

I felt an instant need to protect my babies, I knew very much they were mine - but I was too shattered from the birth and drugs to be really fully with it.

The feeling of love grew and grew.

But I still need to be me, I have friends who won't even have a meal out or night away because they will have to leave their baby (and normally this is with a grandparent who they love and trust). I will happily leave my girls with my mum for the night and have some time off - I think it's good for you to do so.

I didn't bond or feel an instant rush of love for DD. I think it was because a)I secretly really really really wanted a boy but didn't dare tell anyone b)the pregnancy was a bit of a surprise and i was in shock for the whole 9 months and didn't start attaching to DD whilst I was pregnant which I have since found out is important to bonding after the birth.

She is now nearly 5 and whilst I love her and would do anything for her, I still don't feel a bond with her and just struggle to even like her sometimes. She talks NONSTOP and I find it totally draining and irritating.

Whereas with DS it was completely different. It wasn't a total surprise when i fell pregnant with him, i was much more prepared for it and so was much more relaxed, I found out he was a boy at the scan and felt i bonded with him from that moment so when he was born it really was instant love and a complete connection.

And DS is now 2 and I can say that I am 'in love' with him as well as simply loving him to bits. I don't know if that will change when he starts talking properly and if he talks nonstop like DD i might start to find him draining as well, but I somehow doubt it.

I find it very hard to deal with how differently i feel about both my DC's, but try as i might I can't change my feelings about DD. I guess over time i might learn to accept my feelings and also as DD grows older we might grow closer but i think we will never have the bond I have with DS.

I saw a programme once where someone said if you don't have that instant bond at birth it will never happen and I think, in my case, it's true. I felt very sad about that a while ago but I have learnt to accept it and i know i love DD and would die for her and that is better than what I had with my parents. (But that's another thread and another -long- story!)