Hello All,
Hope you are having a good week. I am a step-parent of 3, (15 year olds and a 18 year old).
I have been with their father for 7 years and helped to raise them (kidw lived with us for 4 years - their Mother is abbroad).
There were numerous problems along the way as both parents are non-restrictive and try to negoitate everything with their kids since they were small. This boils down to utter disrespect to one kid eating with their hands until this year on purpose.
One of them are sneaking alcohol in the flat and when inviting friends over they drink in her room or in kitchen late at night (I was asleep and found 2 litres vodka in the fridge / freezer plus rum. This happened during half term just gone whilst their father was away for 1 week.
I sent photo evidence to both parents and gave the kid (15 y.o.) tough dressing down. She was defiant and smiling at me... as she knows I don't have authority.
She sneaked out at night with friends (12am - 3am) without letting me know.
Again, I told both parents and felt completely disrespected and treateed as I don't matter by the kid. When their father came back (I prepped dinner etc) I confronted the girl 15 y.o. in front of him and he said nothing. Was just standing next to me watching me get upset and more angry. I left.
He came after me and tried to calm me down and I told him that I am hurt feel like a no-one and that he did not protect me. He flipped and said that I have to learn to control my emotions and he would never get into argument (with anyone or with his kids no matter what they do) if the tension is too high...
He asked me to leave the flat so I did and accused me of being weak and letting his daughter to break me... I could not belivee the whole thing. No apology from the daughter - although she has her allowance cut and not allowed friends.
I had the same treatment when back last year his son swore at me (I asked him not to parade around in his underwear - ( a 15 year old) and he swore at me.
His father just stood by and did not do anything. The boy came to apologise 1 day later.
Also my partner is unwilling to work with me and to put down rules so that we have a joint standing and act like a family. He wants me to deal with his kids separately (bad cop / good cop). Of course now they will see as they grow what is going on and will try to be even more dismissive.
Their mum knows about the drinking but doea not do much to prevent it.
I am dissapointed as years of kindness and caring is just thrown back at my face.
Any advice please - I know I should leave and break up... after 7 years is hard very hard.
Thank you for reading my post - your comments are welcome - in need of tlc too :-) aren't we all?...