Ex puts new gf before son

[Crazylife38]

Hi all need some advice so my ex and I had a horrible relationship anyway that ended in September last year , 2weeks later he was seeing someone new she's 12 years younger no kids has made it clear shes no interest in his kids but regardless he was still seeing our son , now he has completely changed , it was my sons birthday 1st of March he completely missed it to take his new gf on holiday didn't even get our son a present, iv told him he needs set days n he refuses to last night I told him about our son getting additional help and I just got abuse saying as well if I take him for his next lot of jabs he will sue me obviously turned into abit of an argument via message and after mentioning about missing his sons birthday putting her first he said he doesn't care what I think she's his gf iv heard they both do drugs aswell now so I'm not happy about that and apparently i cant do anything unless i have proof I'm at my wits end tried being fair and gave him enough chances but I just get crap back or empty threats !

Unfortunately you cannot make him do anything with your DC, personally I wouldn’t contact your ex, he’s shown he’s not interested, his loss. You have parental responsibility for your DC’s welfare regarding his vaccines.

Why are you attempting a relationship between your son and someone who isn't interested? He doesn't need a father like that. Be the best mother you can for him - that will be enough. And stop contacting your ex.

@Mindymomo thank you that's what I thought he can't stop him having his jabs as it's along as there's consent from one parent it is just so frustrating for my ds and Me at least he will no I was always there for him

Even if you went to Court for a Contact Arrangement Order, all that does is stipulated that you make your son available to his Dad, on certain days. It can't force your ex to pick your son up or to parent him. No one can force that issue. As for his vaccines, you have Parental Responsibility, and those decisions fall to you. I am assuming your ex is on your son's birth certificate? I would use a Parent app to communicate with your ex, solely for any child issues. I'm sure someone on here can recommend one. Block your ex any other way. If your ex is prioritising his girlfriend there is nothing you can do. Yes, it's hurtful to your son (assuming he's old enough to understand) but that's when you reassure him, that you love him. Don't (no matter how tempting) bad mouth your ex or his girlfriend to your son. Eventually, as your son becomes older, he will realise for himself how useless his Dad is.

@Sassybooklover thank you, I never bad mouth them to my ds , my ds is 3 , I do everything for that little boy so as he gets older he will realise

To echo others, it's his choice.
He can choose to step up or not.

In my case I stopped messaging and initiating contact, it's sad but he eventually stopped contacting at all. My DS is an adult now ans last contact with his biological was over 15 years ago.

I couldn't be bothered with the abuse from trying to ask him to see his son. Somehow that made me the bad parent 🤔

Your son doesn't need him. He's got you.

There's a lesson to he learned there when thinking about potential new relationships and children.

@itsmeits thank you iv found all it does is it makes you stressed and frustrated, it's sad but at least he's got me x

If one parent objects to vaccines then your child can not have them until the opposing parent gives permission or a court grants permission.

Why should he get a say, he does nothing with his son. My ex didn't get a say when my 2 were young.

This is correct. However, usually if one parent has consented, then the vaccination can take place. The Dad in this case would need to go to Court prior to the vaccination taking place, to stop it happening. I doubt very much, he would be bothered, given the circumstances. As for 'suing' after the event, that's not going to change the fact the child had the vaccinations, only perhaps that the OP would need to have his permission for any further ones. My son had his childhood vaccinations, which I consented too, no one asked if his Dad consented! I appreciate my situation is different, my son's Dad and I are married, but still, no one asked the question!!

No. They don't need to go to court. My ex simply wrote to the NHS and PALs and stated he refused to agree to vaccinations for our child. He hasn't seen our child for four years but gets all medical letters and has to give consent for any treatment. So my child can't have them unless I go to court or they're old enough to give consent.

That's appalling, he's a total dick
Have you tried to arrange for vaccinations anyway - unless he wrote to your child's GP, is there a chance that his objection would not actually be on your child's file?

If he has managed to prevent vaccinations, can you go to court - you can represent yourself, and he's unlikely to turn up.

Sorry you're going through this.

I am so sorry you are going through this. My kids are adults now but I had the same with my ex; off on exotic holidays while his kids were visited once or twice a year. It is so hard to watch, but letting your kid see for themselves how shit their dad is, is kind of important in that you can't sugar coat the pain, saying things like "If it hurts that Dad is not here on your birthday, that is okay, that is normal to feel sad." Don't pretend it's okay with your kids, they have to see these charmers for the arseholes that they are, it is not your job to carry that load. Are you the resident parent? If so, go ahead and do what you like with their healthcare; if you have a joint-custody arrangement, then ask him to take you to court, because then you can say to him, "of course the drug use will be discussed in court." FYI he won't go to court, it's valuable money that he wants to spend on the new woman.

@rubberduck68 yes my son lives with me I do all the caring of him take him to appointments , nursery , just general care of him he thinks popping up now n again makes him a good parent, I no I shouldn't of rose to him last night but I was so mad n upset , now I'm over that n my ds will learn who he is one day , no point arguing with his dad as it falls on deaf ears so he can live his delusional life and I will continue looking after our ds and giving him the life he deserves

Don't be hard on yourself for rising to it; he's certainly pushing your buttons! You are not alone, can't throw a stick out there (and on here) without finding a woman who is going through the same; it's appalling really, how men follow their dicks and ignore their kids, BUT you care enough to be on here talking about it, so that kid has one really good parent!

Hiya! Sorry to hear what you're going through, sounds tough! I'm not sure where you're based, but for the drugs element - if you're in Hampshire you can contact PSL (you can find them online) as they provide support services for people affected by someone else's drug or alcohol use (it's all free) xx

@TryMyBestToHelp thank you x

It's on the system until our child is an adult so the GP can't do anything unless he gives consent in writing which he obviously won't do. We've been through years of family court and I represented myself. I nearly killed myself over it all so I wont be going back again. Family Court drove me to the edge of despair and I thought I'd never get over it.

Don’t contact him again, if he is doing drugs with GF then you won’t want your son exposed to it. Ex just wants to argue with you, he doesn’t want to see your son or send him a birthday card, I’d block him and get on with your life.