To sleep train or not?

Bo1978 · 2025-03-04T21:53:15+00:00

I am sleep deprived, desperate and at a complete loss as what to do after reading so many different articles/websites about the pros and cons of sleep training. My DS is 9 months old and hasn’t been sleeping well for a few months now - it’s past being a sleep regression. From 4-6 months he slept through from 6pm - 5am. In the past week he now won’t even go in his own cot. He wakes and screams as soon as we lay him down. I think he might be teething, but this comes off the back of frequent night waking. By 1am he’s usually in with us as I’m too tired to keep getting up. I am reading so many articles that say it’s something babies will naturally grow out of and that sleep training is unnecessary. I’m so sleep deprived I’m just getting more and more confused. Should I just ride it out?

Keha · 04/03/2025 22:14

I think firstly you need to think about what you mean by sleep training. My experience is the more gentle methods aren't especially quick and need quite a lot of patience and consistency which I didn't have when knackered. I've never tried anything like feber.

I went the other way and just coslept, went to bed early and tried to share the load better with my partner so we got a bit more sleep which made it enough. My kids are 5 and 2 and ironically the younger one sleeps better. The older one sleeps through but still finds it hard to fall asleep, and often wants to lie in my bed. It's not a huge issue as we just move her after she's asleep, but I do wonder how different it would be if I'd sleep trained as a baby. You will get there eventually either way though I think.

Groundhogday2025 · 04/03/2025 22:15

Are you completely opposed to co-sleeping? If it doesn't work for you then it doesn’t work for you, but if it’s actually the best way to get sleep then maybe you just need to lean into it.
He is entering separation anxiety stage and just needs to be close to you. Plus you mentioned teething. You are his comfort. Few sleep training programmes recommend sleep training during periods of illness or teething anyway.

Janefx40 · 04/03/2025 22:37

I know it's so tough so feel your pain but I think 9 months is still quite young. My DD had a massive sleep regression at this point which then lasted for months / just because we formed habits in that time that became ingrained. It was hard but I knew I wasn't ready to make a change. One day it just felt like the right time so we just gradually dropped each night feed in succession. It was pretty quick tho I realise different to your situation.

Then with DS we co slept for ages which naturally shifted to him sleeping next to me in his cot. But he was waking every couple of weeks and we have just had a sleep consultant (a friend who happens to do this) help us with his sleep at 21 months. She was amazing. No leaving him crying at all. We just made quite a few subtle changes. More consistent naps in his bed, darker room, earlier bedtime, new bedtime routine. He now sleeps through.

So I think some kids just naturally shift and some need a bit of support. But I was absolutely amazed how much difference earlier nap and bedtimes made!

Sorry if that's waffle. Hope something useful is in there x

Janefx40 · 04/03/2025 22:38

Sorry I meant he was waking every couple of hours! Not every couple of weeks!!

Original poster

Bo1978 · 05/03/2025 00:57

Keha · 04/03/2025 22:14

I think firstly you need to think about what you mean by sleep training. My experience is the more gentle methods aren't especially quick and need quite a lot of patience and consistency which I didn't have when knackered. I've never tried anything like feber.

I went the other way and just coslept, went to bed early and tried to share the load better with my partner so we got a bit more sleep which made it enough. My kids are 5 and 2 and ironically the younger one sleeps better. The older one sleeps through but still finds it hard to fall asleep, and often wants to lie in my bed. It's not a huge issue as we just move her after she's asleep, but I do wonder how different it would be if I'd sleep trained as a baby. You will get there eventually either way though I think.

Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I guess we are now co-sleeping, which I was really opposed to, but it’s the only way any of us is getting some sleep, so your comment is really reassuring. I just don’t want it to be forever!

OP posts:

Original poster

Bo1978 · 05/03/2025 00:59

Groundhogday2025 · 04/03/2025 22:15

Are you completely opposed to co-sleeping? If it doesn't work for you then it doesn’t work for you, but if it’s actually the best way to get sleep then maybe you just need to lean into it.
He is entering separation anxiety stage and just needs to be close to you. Plus you mentioned teething. You are his comfort. Few sleep training programmes recommend sleep training during periods of illness or teething anyway.

I guess which are co-sleeping now, which I was adverse to originally but he seems to find it comforting and it’s the only way we are all getting some sleep. It’s so reassuring to read that most comments say this is the way to go for now.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bo1978 · 05/03/2025 01:01

Janefx40 · 04/03/2025 22:37

I know it's so tough so feel your pain but I think 9 months is still quite young. My DD had a massive sleep regression at this point which then lasted for months / just because we formed habits in that time that became ingrained. It was hard but I knew I wasn't ready to make a change. One day it just felt like the right time so we just gradually dropped each night feed in succession. It was pretty quick tho I realise different to your situation.

Then with DS we co slept for ages which naturally shifted to him sleeping next to me in his cot. But he was waking every couple of weeks and we have just had a sleep consultant (a friend who happens to do this) help us with his sleep at 21 months. She was amazing. No leaving him crying at all. We just made quite a few subtle changes. More consistent naps in his bed, darker room, earlier bedtime, new bedtime routine. He now sleeps through.

So I think some kids just naturally shift and some need a bit of support. But I was absolutely amazed how much difference earlier nap and bedtimes made!

Sorry if that's waffle. Hope something useful is in there x

No, definitely not waffling! Makes complete sense and it’s really reassuring to hear. Sleep training doesn’t feel right at the moment, so it’s reassuring to hear that there may be a time when it does feel right. For now, I will carry on trying to put him down and co-sleep if not. Thanks so much - it’s really helped.

OP posts:

Noodlesnotstrudels · 05/03/2025 01:16

We're in a similar position with DD2. Still cosleeping at 11months and I'm desperate for it to end. I need my space back and a full night's sleep. We tried doing 'pick up put down' at around 7months (that had worked really well with DD1 and got her sleeping through in 2nights) but it failed miserably this time. We are going to try again after she turns 1 and see if it makes a difference, otherwise I'm going to follow the advice i got on a thread I started and probably pay for some sleep consultant support.

Original poster

Bo1978 · 05/03/2025 07:19

Noodlesnotstrudels · 05/03/2025 01:16

We're in a similar position with DD2. Still cosleeping at 11months and I'm desperate for it to end. I need my space back and a full night's sleep. We tried doing 'pick up put down' at around 7months (that had worked really well with DD1 and got her sleeping through in 2nights) but it failed miserably this time. We are going to try again after she turns 1 and see if it makes a difference, otherwise I'm going to follow the advice i got on a thread I started and probably pay for some sleep consultant support.

I have been thinking about paying for a sleep consultant, too. I’m just not sleeping the same when Co-sleeping and my partner has to be up so early for a physically demanding/dangerous job, so I end up in the spare room too. It’s just rubbish all round!

OP posts:

ATallGiraffe · 05/03/2025 07:33

Different stance to a lot of the posts here. We did sleep train and used gradually increasing intervals from 5 mins to 10. It can be hard (I had to make sure I couldn't hear DS and was distracted). It was quick though and DS started sleeping through within a week - unless he's unwell he now is consistently sleeping through. For me, good sleep for us both outweighed the emotional toll of sleep training.

HyggeG · 07/03/2025 17:37

Omg definitely sleep train, definitely use a sleep consultant and you will regain your mental health in a week or two

Kind0fABigDeal · 07/03/2025 17:46

I wouldn't bother before about age 1 as their sleep is naturally up and down all over the place. But we didn't co-sleep - if that's working I'd stick with it, but do bear in mind that it can form longer-lasting habits unless you make an effort to change - plenty of my friends were still co-sleeping at school age.

With DD2 we did some sleep training around 13 months and have never had a problem since. Obviously it's going to vary loads depending on the child though!

Also I found that consistent naps and keeping an eye on 'wake windows' really helped both my kids.

Original poster

Bo1978 · 08/03/2025 07:22

HyggeG · 07/03/2025 17:37

Omg definitely sleep train, definitely use a sleep consultant and you will regain your mental health in a week or two

If we decide to go down this route, is there anyone you recommend, please?

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Original poster

Bo1978 · 08/03/2025 07:24

Kind0fABigDeal · 07/03/2025 17:46

I wouldn't bother before about age 1 as their sleep is naturally up and down all over the place. But we didn't co-sleep - if that's working I'd stick with it, but do bear in mind that it can form longer-lasting habits unless you make an effort to change - plenty of my friends were still co-sleeping at school age.

With DD2 we did some sleep training around 13 months and have never had a problem since. Obviously it's going to vary loads depending on the child though!

Also I found that consistent naps and keeping an eye on 'wake windows' really helped both my kids.

Thank you! He does nap fairly well - two a day - and has about 3-4 hours of being awake before needing a nap.

I think I might see how he goes for now but I definitely don’t want to co-sleep for much longer.

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Original poster

Bo1978 · 08/03/2025 07:24

ATallGiraffe · 05/03/2025 07:33

Different stance to a lot of the posts here. We did sleep train and used gradually increasing intervals from 5 mins to 10. It can be hard (I had to make sure I couldn't hear DS and was distracted). It was quick though and DS started sleeping through within a week - unless he's unwell he now is consistently sleeping through. For me, good sleep for us both outweighed the emotional toll of sleep training.

Thank you! I miss proper sleep 😂

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To sleep train or not?

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